Teddy Burriss

Are you Listening to me

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  • Doctor Visit # 2 of 3

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    Three things happened to me while working at Neutron Products that required that I go see the local General Practitioner, Dr. A (I will not publish his full name)

    This is injury # 2

    Sprained Wrist

    I loved to ride my motorcycle to work. It was only about a 6 mile ride with only 1 light and a few stop signs between my house in Poolesville and the chemical plant in Dickerson.

    Becky and I had at least 2 girls back then and I made a promise to them that took a long time to get past. I’ll tell you about that in a moment.

    One afternoon I was riding the motorcycle back from Work. I cruised up Rt 28 into Beallsville where the stop light was. I can see it clearly as if it just happened.

    I was riding up the hill toward the stop light and I saw it turning to yellow. I knew that I had enough time to hit my right turn signal, drop down a gear and throw some gas at the bike to make the right hand turn before the light turned red. However, I was not aware of the Volkswagen Bug that was pulling out of the parking lot to my right, directly into my path.

    I dropped down a gear, threw the gas at the motor and leaned to the right, directly into the side of the Bug. The motorcycle basically stopped and I basically kept moving. Right over the top of the bug and onto the pavement.

    I felt OK, but I landed on my wrist and I could tell that something was not right with it.

    OK – Let’s pick up the pace of this story now.

    I used the pay phone to call Becky who had her mother come to pick up the motorcycle with her truck.

    The next day I went to see Dr. A and he told me that the type of sprain I had would heal better if I exercised my wrist.

    I started to do the exercise therapy that he suggested and my wrist kept getting worse and worse. It continued to swell and it got to a point that it hurt to move it. This went on for a few weeks before I knew something else needed to be done.

    I decided to go see the other local Doctor who immediately X-rayed my wrist and showed me that it had a hairline fracture in it. He said I needed to immediately put it in a soft splint for 3 months. I think I went back to Dr. A and told him what had happened and he then agreed that the other Doctor was right. However he said his treatment plan would have been different if he had X-rayed it as well. Duh – I should have thought about that, but then again I am not a Doctor.

    About the promise I made: When I bought my first motorcycle I told my wife and daughters that if I ever wrecked it I would never buy another one. I wrecked the bike around 1986 and I lobbied hard for 15 years to get another one before the teenage daughters relented and let me buy another one. Never say never folks.

    This is part 2 of 3 / This has been another story shared by Teddy Burriss.  I hope you enjoyed it.

  • Doctor Visit # 1 of 3

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    Three things happened to me while working at Neutron Products that required that I go see the local General Practitioner, Dr. A (I will not publish his full name)

    This is injury # 1

    Hemorrhoid problems

    No big deal, but they did aggravate me a little and my wife told me to go see the Dr. A.

    I made an appointment for a Friday morning. Back then I had my first Yamaha motorcycle, a 700 Special. Nice ride.

    I waited in the waiting room with a bunch of mothers and little kids. I remember that one of the kids asked me why I was there and I told him that I had to have my bottom worked on because I asked to many questions. His mother looked at me as if to say, “Leave my kid alone weirdo.” I did.

    Soon the nurse called my name and I went back to the examining room. Soon Dr. A came in and asked me to explain what my problems were.

    OK – Let’s pick the pace up here. I told him I had hemorrhoids and in a matter of minutes I was face down on the table with my rear end poked up in the air. The nurses were bustling around and preparing for in office surgery. To my right was a tray of utensils and 2 syringes with what appeared to be 4 inch needles. I joked with the nurse about the size of the needles and they laughingly said I would learn to appreciate the Novocain that they were going to use on my rear end.

    Dr. A came in and as if on cue, grabbed one of the syringes and jammed it into the target area of my butt. The pain was so severe that I immediately passed out. Do you hear me – I PASSED OUT because of the pain of the syringe. He had not even gotten to the scalpel yet.

    The nurses started waving smelling salts under my nose while Dr. A worked on excising (lopping off) the hemorrhoids.

    Once I gained my composure I asked Dr. A what the second syringe was for. He said in case it took longer than he expected.

    I am sure he understood me when I said, “You need to pick up the pace and finish this work because there is no way in Hell that you are sticking another needle in my butt.” He did, and he didn’t.

    Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. After the hacking off of the hemorrhoids, the Dr put a big old Maxipad on my butt and I got on my motorcycle and drove to work. I should not have done that. The boys in the plant had a good laugh at me with a big maxi pad on my butt. And, it got painful once the Novocain wore off. Real painful.

    This is part 1 of 3 / This has been another story shared by Teddy Burriss. I hope you enjoyed it.

  • Chocolate cheese

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    I spent about 10 years working in a chemical plant in Maryland back in the early 1980’s. This chemical plan had Cobalt-60 (Radioactive), Explosive Acids, Dangerous Caustics (mix them wrong and they go boom) and Neurotoxins that were very deadly if ingested. I was friends with lots of guys there and we were always getting into trouble or doing something ridiculous.

    Picture these different situations:

    • Every Friday afternoon we would drive down to the end of the street and sit around the parking lot of the local gas station and drink beer. Can you see this – 4 or 5 guys sitting on tree stumps that served as our bar stools next to the road. Drinking, laughing, joking and teasing each other after a hard week at work.
    • We had lunch in a small break room. 4 or 5 of the same guys playing quarter poker. The pot got pretty big some days and the tempers flared as we struggled to get our cash back. Many a game someone would get pretty ticked off. We played cards for years until one day the pot was well over $100 and the arguing got so loud and nearly violent that it all came to a head. The president of the company stormed into the room, yelled at us all to stand up and back away from the table. He wiped all of the cards and coins into his hat and said, “This is it folks. No more gambling on my property and as for this money – it’s going to a charity.” That ended poker for us at the plant.
    • How about the biggest Crab Feast ever – Close to 15 bushels of fine Chesapeake Bay Crabs, numerous kegs of beer and about 100 of my best friends partying hard celebrating my retirement from the Chemical Plant – wow that was a party and it was on the property next to the Cobalt 60 processing center
    • How about the best company Christmas Party ever – lots of food and beer in the plant. We ate, danced and drank more than I can ever remember at any company Christmas Party. Everyone was smashed and I was no different. 50′ from the control room of the chemical plant. Security – there was no security
    • Here is another unique situation. One of the truck drivers who delivered a tanker of the Explosive acid was sitting on the grass next to the truck as I unloaded it. In his lap were 4 or 5 short pieces of pipe that he was packing with explosives. He was making fireworks for his family 4th of July event that weekend. No big deal. Gun powder, explosive acids and a whacked out truck driver.

    Here is the story that I am leading you toward – Chocolate Cheese.

    One of my good friends at the plant, Carl Hockersmith was always doing something to tick me off. He loved to hide my car, my car keys, clip board or page me to the office. Every day it was something from him. I am not sure what it was this time, but I had it and it was time for me to get him back.

    That night at the house my wife was molding sweet chocolate into these cute little square, triangle and round molds for one of the girls to take to school the next morning. That same night I saw a commercial for Exlax, a flavored laxative that was fairly new on the market. It came in chocolate flavor. ?!?!?!

    I drove up to the local grocery store and bought some ExLax. I melted the Exlax into the chocolate molds and put them in a small plastic bowl for my buddy Carl.

    I knew that I had to come up with some wild reason for bringing it to work. My wit back then was pretty sharp. I quickly came up with the following:

    “Carl – you won’t believe this Chocolate Cheese that Becky found. It’s pretty cool. You should try it.” Now Carl knew my wife and anything that she cooked up he knew must be good. He grabbed a piece and as he chomped on it said, “This is pretty cool Burriss, give me another piece.” Which I happily did, repeatedly until most of it was gone.

    As I walked away I noticed Carl wipe a little chocolate off his face and lick it. Man that was a great visual – he was devouring Chocolate Cheese and loving it.

    Later that day I came looking for Carl and he was nowhere to be found. I asked some of the other guys if they knew where he went.

    “Yeah, he has been in the crapper all morning. Said he has the runs really bad. He is not sure what happened,” said one of the guys.

    Carl went home that morning and took the rest of the day off.

    It is possible that I told one of the other guys what I done. I was pretty pumped up about the joke that I just pulled off.

    But – the story does not end here. What I failed to take into consideration is that Carl is twice as big as me and when he gets mad – he is uncontrollable. I failed to take into consideration the recourse that was heading my way.

    Fortunately Carl took off on a Friday to recuperate from his massive diarrhea and I had the benefit of the weekend for him to calm down, some. But on Monday he came looking for me and did his best to run me down with his car and a fork lift. He worked hard to catch me that morning and eventually he pinned me in a corner and started wailing on me pretty hard. Suddenly he just busted out laughing.

    He realized that I had out done him in every way. All of his little pranks had been outdone by Chocolate Cheese.

    I won that battle by admiration. However we continued our pranks, we just backed it down a notch and did not try to kill each other anymore.

    Flash forward 30 years.

    I had moved to NC and Carl was still in MD. We arranged to get together for dinner during one of my trips to MD. As I walked up to him at the restaurant he grabbed me around the neck and snorted at me, “Do you want some Chocolate Cheese Burriss?” We laughed together.

    Great pranks last forever.

    This has been another story shared by Teddy Burriss. I hope you enjoyed it.

  • Driving a Tractor

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    This is not a really long or even exciting story. It’s just a quick note at my first time behind the wheel of a real motorized vehicle. Pawpaw, my Dad’s father let me sit in the seat of the FarmAll M tractor as we drove it across a field from our house to the area of the farm where he lived. I didn’t actually get to work the clutch or the break, just manage the steering. Pawpaw stood on the axle next to the seat and hung onto the back of the seat and the steering column. I proudly gripped the big round steering wheel, one hand at 10 o’clock and the other at 2 o’clock as if I clearly knew what I was doing. The trip was thru the middle of a great big open field. There was absolutely nothing at all in our path, except a few rocks on the ground. I twisted the steering left and right dodging the rocks with the front wheel of the tractor. After a few time rocking to the left and right Pawpaw asked “What the heck are you doing boy?” I said, “Trying to miss the rocks Pawpaw.” And he said, “They won’t feel a thing, go ahead and run over them so we can get home quicker.” I held the wheel straight from then on.

    From that day on, I have always tried to drive straight, ignoring the rocks and small animals that get in my way. It’s easier.

  • A diet program worth trying

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    The Dawn Keye Diet


    Lots of people work hard at dieting. There are many different options, some better than others.

    A friend of mine, a nurse, who has done a lot of research about dieting, had given us information about the various popular diets including Atkins, Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, and the South Beach Diet.

    She then mentioned a diet about which we haven’t heard previously, but which she insists works for almost everyone:

    It’s called the Dawn Keye Diet and for many this is the most successful diet solution. It does require a little effort and dedication to the program.

    Keep you Ass out of the Fridge

     

  • My 32nd Anniversary Card to BUM

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    This is the series of Facebook Postings that I started on April 20, 2010 as an Anniversary Card to my Wife for our 32nd Anniversary. Each night I posted the next day’s posting.

    It was a Thursday, a little more than a week away from a big day for me. I sat in my car pondering what I had already fully decided was a good move. Is it? Should I back out and leave town? The internal discussion lasted what seemed like forever, but the guy in the car behind me had only honked his horn once or twice. I knew that I was on a new and exciting path and that it would turn into a life long journey that I could not pass up. Thank you God for bringing this fantastic journey to me.

    It was a Friday evening.  A lot was going on, getting ready for a wedding.  I had no idea that there would be so much to do.  My role was relatively simple.  I was the Groom.  If I closed my eyes I could see the hustle and bustle of dozens of people doing what it takes to organize and prepare for a wedding.  In my mind, I just stood in the middle of it all as everyone ran back and forth past me.  Wow, look at all of these people working to put on a celebration for me and my fiancé.  This is going to be a great party.  Celebrating the marriage of a beautiful woman to a very, very lucky boy!

    It was a Saturday.  The sky was a beautiful blue with just a few puffy white clouds floating around.  I drove to my fiancés house to pick her up so that we could run a few more errands for the wedding we were going to have.  She came running down the stairs out of the house and as if walking on air she bounced over to my little green car. I just stared out the window at her wondering, Why me?  This is a beautiful woman that I am getting ready to marry.  I knew that I was head over heels in love with her and I could tell that she was equally in love with me.  She got in the car, reached over toward me and pulled me into the hug that I have gotten so used to over the past 32 years. The kind of hug that says, “I love you”  I am so lucky – I still get this hug and look forward to it every day.

    It was a Sunday.  Again, another beautiful day.  The boys were playing a game today in the local softball league I was in.  I looked at my watch a dozen times trying to pace myself thru the next few innings.  Maybe we would be done in a few hours and I could head over to my fiancés house for dinner.  It seemed like the pitcher was throwing the slowest pitches ever and each time a player ran around the bases it looked like a slow motion movie scene.  I really liked playing softball with the boys, but I really wanted this game to be over NOW!  I wanted to see my beautiful fiancé and to play rummy royal and drink Tickle Pink with her on the floor of her family room.  Come on guys, strike outs – we need more strike outs.  I have a beautiful woman waiting for me!!!

    It was Monday, the week of my wedding and I was heading to work.  I loved my job back then.  Lots to do and always something different.  Tonight I had dinner plans.  I was going to drive downtown and pick up the woman of my dreams and take her out to a fantastic dinner.  But, I knew that I could not afford a big fancy restaurant.  No worries – Just sitting in a McDonalds with a Big Mac, Fries and Coke was all we needed.  We would sit there eating our burger and fries while talking and laughing.  Having my fiancé with me, we could turn any place into a fantastic dining experience.  I love looking into her eyes and listening to her voice as I slobbered all over my food.  I am the luckiest man in the world!  This woman is going to marry me.  Thank you God!

    It was a Tuesday – I am still working and wondering how the weekend events would turn out.  I’m not sure I was really doing my job because I seemed to be day dreaming a lot.  I was picturing a beautiful sexy white wedding dress moving down the aisle toward me and the veil over her face sort of hiding just a little longer.  I could picture everyone in the church looking at me as my mouth hung open staring at my bride to be.  This day dreaming seemed to go on forever.  I could hear my fellow employees talking to me, but I had to keep saying, “What – I did not hear you” over and over again.  I had to tell myself “Stop day dreaming Teddy – Get back to work”  It was hard to do – I just kept seeing my fiancé in my mind and hearing myself say – Man, I love this girl!

    Wednesday, we call this Hump day because we are now heading down the hill toward the weekend.  Since the upcoming Saturday will be the day I marry my lovely fiancé, it’s an even bigger hill for me. I’m still working, if you can call it that, but I am also thinking about what kind of husband I will become.  Even at the young age of 19 I truly believed in the mantra I have today – “You have to be responsible, but you do not need to be mature”  This is the boy in me that has never, and quite frankly will never get away.  Will my new wife be able to handle this?  I hope so.  Please God, let her be able to handle this immature little boy who has no desire to ever grow up. Flash forward 32 years – Thank you God for giving this loving woman the ability to handle the childishness that I have never and still will never give up.  Flash backwards 32 years again.  She can handle it, I know she can.  I love this woman!

    It’s Thursday and my fiancé is off work now.  She is with her mother and sisters doing the stuff that women do before a wedding. I am still working, barely.  I really understand cruise control work now.  I’m doing the work, but it is not recording in my mind.  I spent almost 3 hours on this morning just thinking about the change that was about to occur in my life.  I could feel it in my bones while visualizing it in my mind.  The happiness, love and enjoyment of having a women as sexy and loving as my fiancé turned wife.  The many great goals we have planned to achieve together.  Will we be able to have 4 beautiful babies before we turn 30?  Will we get our Yacht built before we turn 35?  Will we be happy and in constant state of love while working hard at a new life? I believed we could and for this belief I had no fear of making this leap.  Flash forward 32 years.  Yes we have 4 beautiful baby girls who have grown to be 4 beautiful women.  Yes we built our Yacht successfully & YES we are happy together and in a Constant State of  LOVE with each other!

    It’s Friday and I am not working today.  I have a task list from my fiancé and mother in law that I have to work on.  Lots of stuff that only a Groom can handle.  OK, maybe it’s lot of stuff that a Groom can possibly handle.  I’m riding around town whistling and singing in my car.  I’m in LOVE and getting MARRIED to the Sexiest, Loving and fun woman a man can ask for!  I love this woman’s voice, as well as everything else about her.  Her smile, the way she giggles, the smell of her hair.  There is a lot more about my fiancé that I love but I best keep some things between us.  Flash forward 32 years.  Man, I am one lucky old guy!  I have the Sexiest Loving and Fun women a man can ask for!  Flash back 32 years again – I can’t wait until tomorrow when I can call my fiancé my wife!  I love this women!

    It has been a long week and it is now Saturday April 29, 1978.  Today is where I step onto the highway of a new world.  On this morning I have no time to dawdle, I have to get up and get going because today I am getting married.  Fast forward a few hours – Here I am standing at the altar.  My beautiful wife, Rebecca Lee (Hoewing) Burriss is at my side. Wow, what a feeling.  I am now a husband.  What will all of this mean?  Fast forward 32 years.  It means a lot more than I could ever imagine.  It means that thru all of the hard work and fabulous times of the past 32 years my life partner has been by my side and thru it all there has been 1 constant.  I have been in love with Rebecca and we shared our love with our children and family.  It has been this love and our united belief that God will get us thru any chaos that comes our way that has made the past 32 years so rewarding.  Rebecca – I LOVE YOU because you have been my rock, my chair and the light thru the times of darkness.  I LOVE YOU because you have been my dance partner, lover and the straight guy in my comedy acts.  I LOVE YOU because you have passed on your smile and your love to our daughters.  I LOVE YOU because you are YOU!

  • Interesting Lawyer story

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    BEST LAWYER/ INSURANCE STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE, AND POSSIBLY THE CENTURY.

    This took place in Charlotte, North Carolina.

    A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, and then insured them against, among other things, fire.

    Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost ‘in a series of small fires.’ The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

    The lawyer sued and WON! (Stay with me)

    Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable ‘fire’ and was obligated to pay the claim.

    Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars that perished in the ‘fires’.

    NOW FOR THE BEST PART…

    After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With the original insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

    This true story won First Place in last year’s Criminal Lawyer Award contest.

  • Bum, Boppy & the Grand Kids

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    Amanda, Daniel, Gabrielle & Bayden – Gifts from our daughters to us – Thanks Guys!!!

    Bum, Boppy & the Grandkids

  • Are there Maggots in your car?

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    It was the middle of March 2010. I got in my car and there sitting on the dash was a single fly, sitting calmly as if he were waiting for me. I did exactly as you would expect me to do. I greeted the fly with a friendly – “Hello”.

    The car had been in the garage all weekend long with the windows up. Apparently the fly’s birthday was sometime during the weekend.

    For those of you who do not know about the life of a fly – let me be the one to educate you.

    Depending on the size of a female house fly, she can lay up to 500 eggs in a three to four day period of time. These eggs are usually about ½” in size and they are white in color. We refer to them as Maggots.

    Maggots take about 8 to 20 hours to become mobile. Can you picture a mobile Maggot? Sit for a moment and try to picture it. Got it? I’m sure you do.

    After somewhere between 4 & 10 days, the Maggot will move to a dry area. This is where the Maggot will change into the Pupa Stage of its life. A Pupa is a Maggot incased in a reddish-brown skin, where it begins to grow its wings, legs, eyes and antenna thingies.

    Now once the Pupa stage is complete – WALA! We have a full fledged adult fly. Finally, if you were not aware of these facts – here are three more that are very important, at least for the Fly to know.

    1 – The only true purpose of the female Fly is to lay more eggs, and she gets started doing this after only being a Fly for 2 days.

    2 – The only true purpose of the male Fly is to help the female Fly with her task of laying Fertile Eggs, and he gets started doing this after only being a fly for 2 days.

    3 – They better get all of this done quickly. A fly only lives for up to 30 days.

    So how does this all tie into my story of the Fly in my car?

    I’m not real sure. I only know that on Monday I got in my car and there was a new Fly in it.

    This leads me to believe that sometime during the previous week another Fly laid her eggs in my car. YUCK!

    Now, if a female Fly can lay up to 500 eggs in a 3-4 day egg laying extravaganza, I wonder how many freaking Maggots are in my car and where are they?

    And – when will they all start moving around as we know Maggots do (again, can you picture it?)

    How many of them are now little reddish-brown Pupas?

    Will they all turn into full fledged Flies while I am driving to work?

    Is it possible that a swarm of them will come out from under the dash of my car?

    Is it possible that I will crash my car and have to tell the Police and my insurance agent that it was all due to a swarm of Maggots turned Pupas turned Flies?

    Does this stuff freak out anyone else? Or, is it just me?

    This has been another story by Teddy Burriss. I hope you enjoyed it.

    Thanks for taking time to read my blog feeds – Let me know what you want to hear about and I will do my best to provide even better content.

  • Back in the Good Ole Days

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    WASN’T THAT US?

    A little house with three bedrooms, one bathroom and one car on the street. A mower that you had to push to make the grass look neat.

    In the kitchen on the wall we only had one phone,

    And no need for recording things, someone was always home.

    We only had a living room where we would congregate,

    Unless it was at mealtime in the kitchen where we ate.

    We had no need for family rooms or extra rooms to dine,

    When meeting as a family those two rooms would work out fine.

    We only had one TV set, and channels maybe three,

    But always there was one of them with something worth the view.

    For snacks we had potato chips that tasted like a chip,

    And if you wanted flavor there was Lipton’s onion dip.

    Store-bought snacks were rare because my mother liked to cook, And nothing can compare to snacks in Betty Crocker’s book.

    Weekends were for family trips or staying home to play,

    We all did things together — even go to church to pray.

    When we did our weekend trips depending on the weather,

    No one stayed at home because we liked to be together.

    Sometimes we would separate to do things on our own,

    But we knew where the others were without our own cell phone.

    Then there were the movies with your favorite movie star,

    And nothing can compare to watching movies in your car.

    Then there were the picnics at the peak of summer season,

    Pack a lunch and find some trees and never need a reason.

    Get a baseball game together with all the friends you know,Have real action playing ball — and no game video.

    Remember when the doctor used to be the family friend,

    And didn’t need insurance or a lawyer to defend?

    The way that he took care of you or what he had to do,

    Because he took an oath and strived to do the best for you.

    Remember going to the store and shopping casually,

    And when you went to pay for it you used your own money?

    Nothing that you had to swipe or punch in some amount,

    Remember when the cashier person had to really count?

    The milkman used to go from door to door,

    And it was just a few cents more than going to the store.

    There was a time when mailed letters came right to your door,Without a lot of junk mail ads sent out by every store.

    The mailman knew each house by name and knew where it was sent; There were not loads of mail addressed to “present occupant.”

    There was a time when just one glance was all that it would take, and you would know the kind of car, the model and the make.

    They didn’t look like turtles trying to squeeze out every mile; They were streamlined, white walls, fins, and really had some style.

    One time the music that you played whenever you would jive,

    Was from a vinyl, big-holed record called a forty-five.

    The record player had a post to keep them all in line,

    And then the records would drop down and play one at a time.

    Oh sure, we had our problems then, just like we do today,

    And always we were striving, trying for a better way.

    Oh, the simple life we lived still seems like so much fun, How can you explain a game, just kick the can and run?

    And why would boys put baseball cards between bicycle spokes,And for a nickel red machines had little bottled Cokes?

    This life seemed so much easier and slower in some ways,

    I love the new technology but I sure miss those days.

    So time moves on and so do we, and nothing stays the same, But I sure love to reminisce and walk down that proverbial Memory Lane.

    Another story shared with you by Teddy Burriss. I hope you enjoyed it.

    Thanks for taking time to read my blog feeds – Let me know what you want to hear about and I will do my best to provide even better content.

  • A different view on “When I was a kid…..”

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    Child of Yesterday

    A friend of mine up north sent this to me and I feel obliged to share it with you

    If you are 40, or older, you might think this is hilarious!

    It’s from a Child of Yesterday


    When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning…. Uphill… Barefoot… BOTH ways… yadda, yadda, yadda

    And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they’ve got it!

    But now that I’m over the ripe old age of forty, I can’t help but look around and notice the youth of today. You’ve got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a darn Utopia! And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don’t know how good you’ve got it!

    I mean, when I was a kid we didn’t have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

    There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter – with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

    Child Protective Services didn’t care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!

    There were no MP3s or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!

    Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We’d play our favorite tape and “eject” it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless. Cause, hey, that’s how we rolled, Baby! Dig?

    We didn’t have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that’s it!

    There weren’t any freakin’ cell phones either. If you left the house, you just didn’t make a damn call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with your “friends”. OH MY!!! Think of the horror… not being in touch with someone 24/7!!! And then there’s TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please! You kids have no idea how annoying you are.

    And we didn’t have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, the collection agent… you just didn’t know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

    We didn’t have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like ‘Space Invaders’ and ‘Asteroids’. Your screen guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen… Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

    Do you think you could have been a Child of Yesterday?

    You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel! NO REMOTES! Oh, no, what’s the world coming to?

    There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I’m saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-finks!

    And we didn’t have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove! Imagine that!

    And our parents told us to stay outside and play… all day long. Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside… you were doing chores! And car seats – oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were lucky, you got the “safety arm” across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling “shot gun” in the first place! See! That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You’re spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn’t have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or any time before!

    Regards, The Over 40 Crowd ie – A Child of Yesterday

  • Men’s age as determined by a trip to Home Depot

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    A good friend of mine from Pilot Mountain sent this to me and I fee obliged to share it with you.

    You are in the middle of a project around the house, mowing the lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit – shorts with the hole in the crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes.

    Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Home Depot to get something to help complete the job.

    Depending on your age you might do the following:

    ——————————
    In your 20’s:

    Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in themirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkoutlane. And you went to school with the pretty girl running the register.

    ——————————
    In your 30’s:

    Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt.. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your handsand comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it! Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.

    ——————————
    In your 40’s:

    Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and ahat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don’t want to waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter’s age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.

    ——————————
    In your 50’s:

    Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on; wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don’t want to get dog doo-doo in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy’s Bait & Beer Bar and it says, ‘I Got Worms’

    —————————–
    In your 60’s:

    Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog doo-doo off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your50’s. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute, but you don’t have your glasses on so you are not sure.

    ——————————
    In your 70’s:

    Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until the drug store has your prescriptions ready, too. Don’t even notice the dog doo-doo on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.

    ——————————
    In your 80’s:

    Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember you needed to go to Home Depot. Go to Wal-Mart instead and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name. You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.

    ——————————
    In your 90’s & beyond:

    What’s a home deep hoe? Something for my garden? Where am I? Who am I? Why am I reading this? Did I send it? Did you? Who farted?

  • Which Direction?

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    A good friend of mine from Ohio sent me this. I feel obliged to share with you.

    Here is a Pre-School Test for you

    Which way is the bus below traveling?

    To the left or to the right?

    Can’t make up your mind?

    Look carefully at the picture again.

    Still don’t know?

    Pre-schoolers all over the United States were shown this picture and asked the same question. 90% of the pre-schooler’s gave this answer.

    “The bus is traveling to the left.”

    When asked, “Why do you think the bus is traveling to the left?”

    They answered: “Because you can’t see the door to get on the bus.”

    How do you feel now? Possibly, not so smart.

    Thank you TW for sharing this with us.

    Another interesting post by Teddy Burriss

    Thanks for taking time to read my blog feeds – Let me know what you want to hear about and I will do my best to provide even better content.

  • Networking According to TLB

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    I am delivering this speech to the Christian Employment Network on 2/29/10

    First things First –what is Networking?

    I define Networking as the:

    “Act of finding, developing and nurturing relationships that can mutually move people forward thru life.”

    Nothing less, nothing more

    Ok, we know there are lots of tools that are mentioned when we say networking:

    The newest tool available to you is CEN.

    There are the web tools like Face Book & My Space, LinkedIn, Plaxo, Twitter,
    Monster, CareerBuilder, Hot Jobs, Dice, Eharmony, Match.com, Friend Finder, Great Expectations, SugarDaddie, IDate, OK that’s enough, you get the point and I struggle keeping track of all these passwords anyway..

    Oh yeah – the best tool ever for networking – you & all you have to offer.

    Face-Face networking is the most powerful way to Mutually move people forward thru life.

    OK – now how do we network?

    We do it every day of our lives.

    We started this activity when we were in Pre-School and Daycare.

    We actually used the phrase – “Will you be my friend” or “Will you play with me”

    And even, “I’ll invite you to my birthday party if you invite me to yours”
    Even in kindergarten, mutually moving people forward thru life.

    We continued Networking in High School – but I assure you, we didn’t call it that.

    We joined clubs, Youth Groups and even specific classes, with the primary intention of being a part of a group, to be with people who had similar interest or to meet people of the “Opposite Sex”.

    A friend of mine told me that he joined the debate club to be friends with a boy whose father owned the local pizza joint and he wanted to get a job there. It worked. He joined the debate club, worked hard for the club and then was able to get help from the other kid to meet his Dad and get the job.

    In college we joined fraternities and clubs to meet people who had similar interests or could help us move forward with our goals.

    Maybe the goals started out simple and shallow (beer, girls), but as we matured in college we turned these activities into meeting people who could help us with our classes and move us forward in our degrees and then into internships and jobs.

    Finding, developing and nurturing relationships that can mutually move people forward thru life.

    As a business developer in the sales world, I network all different ways, in order to find people or businesses that I can help and who could possible benefit from my services. Done properly, it works.

    I truly believe that networking has propelled me in my professional and business life.

    Getting to know people and helping them with their needs in turn has helped me to create new relationships and numerous business opportunities

    A good friend of mine asked me to be on a committee with him years ago and today, he is one of my top clients.

    A while back while working on hiring a lady for a new position, I called her references. One of the references was so thankful that I was helping her friend that she introduced me to the Hiring Manager of her company who said we could talk about her hiring needs in the near future.

    Years ago, I asked a new acquaintance to help me with a charitable project, he agreed and today he is the insurance agent that serves me and my 4 independent daughters.

    I met a lady at a local Chamber group a few years ago and after learning about her as a person and professional, I hired her to manage my retirement funds.

    I joined a local Toastmaster club 8 years ago and thanks to one of my good friends in that club, I have the job that I have today.

    Networking is the act of finding, developing and nurturing relationships that can mutually move people forward thru life.

    Networking works as long as you know people. I call this Your Circle of Contacts.

    On the count of 3, everyone turn and look at the person closest to you. If you can, stick out your right hand, shake this person’s hand and introduce yourselves.

    1, 2, 3

    Now thanks to that task, you may have met someone new. Congratulations, that is step 1 of Networking.

    It’s really is that easy.

    It may require you get out of your element a little bit, especially if you are not comfortable meeting new people, or going to new places.

    I can make it a little easier for you as well.

    Let’s use both hands for this next activity.

    I am going to name some people. Raise one of your hands if you know any of these people well enough to have a cup of coffee, glass of sweat tea or after 5 drink. Raise both hands if you know more than 2 and start waving your arms in the air if you know more than 5 people in this list.

    Brother, Sister, Church member, Mother, Father, Neighbor, Minister, Priest, Barber, Ex-wife, Electrician, Plumber, Good Friend, Mechanic, Brother-in-law, Farmer, Mailman, Another Neighbor, Banker, Attorney, Ex-Fellow employee, Old-Boss, Sister-in-Law, Ex-husband, Newspaper delivery man, Coach of your kids sports, Massage Therapist, Weatherman, Mother-in-law, Grocery Store Manager.

    Great – put your arms down now.

    Folks – Networking starts simply by talking with people you know.

    Ask these people to introduce you to others who they feel could mutually move forward thru life by knowing you.

    Maybe people who can help you with the task of finding a new job, career or business opportunity.

    And remember – if anyone helps you in any way; be prepared to help them when the asked.

    Networking as I have defined it (mutually moving people forward thru life) works best with a growing Circle of Contacts.

    Ask your friends to introduce you to others, get to know these new contacts and then follow the edict

    Ask them if there is anything you can do to help them.

    And – Then Ask if there is anyone else they think could mutually move forward thru life, by meeting you.

    There is another group of contacts that I encourage you to meet – these are people who are nothing like you.

    You need to know people, who are not like you, don’t have the same interests, from different states, industries and cultures, different religions. If the only people you know are people like you, then for the most part the only things in life you will ever experience are the same things you do now.

    Variety is not just the spice of life, but the spice of new relationships, new jobs, new careers, and new business opportunities. Variety is what keeps your Circle of Contacts expanding with the greatest possible value.

    Networking is the act of finding, developing and nurturing relationships that can mutually move people forward thru life. Imagine helping someone you don’t know with something you never thought you could do and the benefits you get in return.

    Listen to the Billy Currington song “People are crazy” where he tells a story of sitting at a bar, talking and laughing with a guy who, when he dies – leaves all his money to him. It’s a song, but it happens.

    A long time friend of mine spent 10 years caring for a very ill older lady in her home town and before the lady passed away, she willed her house to my friend, who desperately needed a new home.

    In these two simple examples – it was all about selfishly helping others and in both cases, they helped strangers who were different than them.

    Mutually moving people forward thru life.

    In the book – The Tipping point, Malcolm Gladwell refers to a study that said:

    56% of a survey group found their current job thru a personal contact

    Now here is the really interesting number – of the 56% only 17% of these actually “touched” these contacts on a regular basis. They got their jobs thru their Weak Ties.

    Never discount your distant friends, former coworkers or distant business contacts.

    Here is an example – My March of Dimes work

    1) I send an email out every year looking for Chili Judges for an event I am a part of. Every year 100 people help me with this and most of them are my weak ties
    2) I send another email out every year asking for donations to my yearly charity. 50 people send me money every year and again, most of them are my weak ties and they are not the Chili Judges.

    Because I truly believe that we “mutually move people forward thru life” – if any of these folks ask me to help them in any way – I never disappoint them. I do the best I can to help them out either directly or indirectly, and I do it immediately.

    Here is an important point about how to treat your Circle of Contacts, again the people who should be a part of mutually moving you forward thru life.

    Never jeopardize your credibility

    Be fair, polite and care for your contacts as you hope they will do for you.

    And ask them if they need anything and be ready to help them immediately and completely.

    And – Never be the one who burns the bridge.

    Here is an example of why you never burn a bridge:

    Interviewed a guy who disappeared on me.

    I have a good relationship with this guy now and have had numerous opportunities to work with him and others that he has introduced me to since then.

    Now let me try to bring this home for everyone.

    When your business life get’s interrupted and you start looking for new careers, new jobs or business opportunities, good Networking can help you directly & it can work now.

    What can you do now?

    Use CEN to help you network

    Use the web tools – LinkedIn, Twitter and Facebook and Networking groups.

    Get out, meet people, call your circle of contacts and have coffee, lunch, sweet tea or an after 5 drink with them. Invite them to CEN, your home, church or civic group.

    Ask your circle of contacts to personally introduce you to new contacts that they feel can mutually move forward thru life by knowing you. You have to ASK!

    Share your needs and desires with your Circle of Contacts, especially your weak ties.

    And, most importantly, ask them what you can do to help them.

    It’s not easy and it takes a leap of faith in your self.

    6 years ago I would never have been able to stand in front of you telling you to do this. But I made the decision back then that I had to find a new job and the only way I could do it was to Network. This started me on the path of building a great Circle of Contacts and as a result, my sales career has been far more rewarding than I could have ever expected.

    Networking is the “Act of finding, developing and nurturing relationships that can mutually move people forward thru life.”

    Take your networking to Whole Nother Level – and I can almost promise it will help move you forward thru life sooner than you can imagine right now.

    Speech presented by Teddy Burriss / TBurriss@roadrunner.com

    Thanks for taking time to read my blog feeds – Let me know what you want to hear about and I will do my best to provide even better content.

  • Automatic Email Responses

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    , ,

    A friend of mine sent me this list. Not sure who the real author(s) are. Use them as you wish.

    • I am currently out on a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

    • You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
    • Sorry to have missed you, but i am at the doctor’s having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

    • I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

    • Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

    • The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart y our computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-du-viduals did this over and over again.)

    • Hi, I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

    • I’ve run away to join a different circus.

    • I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as Loretta instead of Bob.

    • Thank you for your message. You are currently in 352nd Place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

    Thanks for taking time to read my blog feeds – Let me know what you want to hear about and I will do my best to provide even better content.

  • Life’s Lessons

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    Thanks DRFrigman for this posting that made me laugh.

    Summary of Life

    GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

    1) No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
    2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
    3) If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
    4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
    5) You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
    6) Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
    7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
    8) You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
    9) Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
    10) The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandpa’s lap.

    GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

    1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
    2) Wrinkles don’t hurt.
    3) Families are like fudge…mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
    4) Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
    5) Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.
    6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

    GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD:

    1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
    2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
    3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.
    4) You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
    5) It’s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
    6) Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
    7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

    THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

    1) You believe in Santa Claus.
    2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
    3) You are Santa Claus.
    4) You look like Santa Claus.

    SUCCESSES:

    At age 4 success is …. not piddling in your pants.
    At age 12 success is … having friends.
    At age 17 success is … having a driver’s license.
    At age 35 success is … having money.
    At age 50 success is … having money.
    At age 70 success is … having a drivers license.
    At age 75 success is … having friends.
    At age 80 success is … not piddling in your pants.

    Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way;
    BUT NEVER forget the blessings that come each day.

    Have a wonderful day with many ! *smiles*
    Take the time to live!!!
    Life is too short.
    Dance naked. woo-hoo!

    Another interesting post from Teddy Burriss. I hope you enjoyed it.

    Thanks for taking time to read my blog feeds – Let me know what you want to hear about and I will do my best to provide even better content.

  • I plan to do nothing – Draft

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    I am going on vacation again real soon.

    I may be going with my family. They have all been properly informed of how this works.

    This is what I have told them.

    I plan to do nothing. Nothing at all.

    I expect to do nothing on the patio, on the deck, on the dock and on the boat. It is possible I may do nothing in the house, if the weather becomes non-conducive to doing nothing outside.

    You can assist with me with this important plan of doing nothing by providing assistance in the mundane daily tasks that seem to need someone’s attention. Tasks such as feeding others, fueling the boat, icing the beer, managing the cigar humidor and caring for your or other people’s self-perceived emergencies.

    Additionally, please have meals ready and a cold beer within my reaching distance (no stretching allowed).

    I hear that you are making plans and wish you well with your plans.

    Please do not forget, I plan to do nothing.

    Please do not worry about me as you fulfill your plans, since I will actively be working on my plan of doing nothing.

    Furthermore, you do not need to plan to be with me while I work on my plan of doing nothing. Actually, I believe that I can better complete my plan of doing nothing if you are off doing something else, somewhere else.

    Normally, this would be assumed; however since most of you are not members of the man club, I would not expect you to know this by default.

    Once I complete my plans of doing nothing, I may participate in other plans, especially if they include some form of doing little or nothing.

    However; there is really no earthly way I will participate in any plans that include doing anything that does not include doing nothing.

    Please feel free to share any other input related to properly doing nothing.

    Thanks for taking time to read my blog feeds – Let me know what you want to hear about and I will do my best to provide even better content.

  • F16 vs. C-130

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    Thanks to Jim Ward for sharing this story with us

    There is a Moral to this Story

    A C-130 was lumbering along when a cocky F-16 flashed by.
    The jet jockey decided to show off.

    The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, ‘watch this!’ and promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier. The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that.

    The C-130 pilot said, ‘That was impressive, but watch this!’
    The C-130 droned along for about 5 minutes and then the C-130 pilot came back on and said: ‘What did you think of that?’
    Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, ‘What the heck did you do?’
    The C-130 pilot chuckled. ‘I stood up, stretched my legs, walked
    to the back, took a leak, and then got a cup of coffee and a
    cinnamon roll.’

    When you are young & foolish, speed & flash may seem a good thing; however, when you get older & smarter, comfort & dull is not such a bad thing.
    Us older folks understand.

    Another story shared by Teddy Burriss. I hope you enjoyed it.

    Thanks for taking time to read my blog feeds – Let me know what you want to hear about and I will do my best to provide even better content.

  • My grandparents – Married or Not?

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    ,

    This article was printed on the front page of the June 14, 1973 edition of the Frederick Post, Montgomery County Edition:

    By Martha Raver, Staff Writer

    “Well, mother you’re married now,” Mrs. Eva, Burriss’ daughter told her last week.

    After 43 years of life together, five children and 25 grandchildren, Mr. and Mrs. Horace Burriss of Evergreen Point (Frederick MD) were officially declared married only a few days ago.

    Mr. & Mrs. Burriss eloped 43 years ago in November 1930 and were married by a Presbyterian minister in Anderson South Carolina. At least, they thought they were married.

    When Mr. Burriss retired from a life of farming last year, the Social Security Administration told him they could not extend any of his benefits to Mrs. Burriss until he presented a marriage certificate.

    The couple’s copy of their marriage certificate was destroyed in a fire in their attic years ago. Mrs. Burriss had never bothered to get another copy.

    “I had never put it in a Frame. Raising five children, there were other things I needed more than a frame. SO I had it in a book in the attic” Mrs. Burriss said.

    “I hated for it to burn but I wasn’t gonna worry about it because I knew I was married,” she said.

    The Anderson County SC Courthouse wasn’t so sure. The only record on file was Mr. Burriss’ application for a license in 1930.

    Rev Kirk Patrick who married the couple had apparently forgotten to file the actual certification. His wife, who stood as a witness at the wedding ceremony and the Reverend are both deceased.

    “I guess he took his records with him,” Mrs. Burriss said.

    “My husband wasn’t too laughable about it,” she said.

    “People will get the idea we’ve never been married,” Mr. Burriss told his wife nervously.

    “It doesn’t bother me,” she said. “Our friends know we’ve been married.”

    The Burrisses returned to the Frederick County Social Security office to ask them what they should do. There were no records anywhere.

    “Well, why don’t you just go ahead and get married again,” a clerk told Mrs. Burriss.

    The Burrisses began to get excited about the idea. A wedding seemed to be the cheapest way of settling the record. Friends in Montgomery County offered to give them a weeding with champagne and flowers.

    “We were making a joke about it. My daughter said, “Mother, we’ll be your attendants and your grandchildren can be the honorary attendants.”

    Mrs. Burriss marched into the Rockville Courthouse and announced, “I want to get married, but I have been married for 43 years.”

    “We can’t give you a license. You’re already married,” the clerk told her.

    “Well, prove it,” Mrs. Burriss said.

    “We’ve got your word,” he replied.

    Mrs. Burriss tried again in Frederick County and received the same answer. Person once married cannot be issued a license unless they have been divorced. The clerk at the courthouse asked one of the Frederick County judges for an opinion. The judged advised against marriage because of the Burriss’ five children and any legal inheritance rights, he warned.

    “We thought about going to another county and getting a license secretly but our five children would be considered illegitimate,” Mrs. Burriss said.

    “My children told me they didn’t care. We’ve got five children and one of them is 42 years old. But there’s no sense telling a lie,” She said.

    The Burrisses considered applying for a common law marriage certificate but Maryland no longer acknowledges such contracts.

    In desperation, the Burrisses went to David Aldridge, a Frederick lawyer. Aldridge and a South Carolina attorney decided to appeal to the Anderson County Court for a late filing of a marriage certificate.

    “I think the court here could do the same thing. The court always has the power to order some corrections. But we had to do it in South Carolina because that’s where the marriage occurred,” Aldridge said.

    Two friends were found who testified last month that the Burrisses had been married in 1930.

    The South Carolina attorney informed the Burrisses a few days ago that it has been “established as a matter of record in said state that you were married to each other on November 29, 1930.”

    The letter was accompanied by an honest to goodness Marriage Certificate dated November 29, 1930.

    “I’d better Check down in Virginia to see if mines is in the Courthouse,” said Aldridge.

    ####

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  • Three Guys Hunting

    by

    Back in the mid 1990’s I lived in Maryland and three of my friends there are hunters. I will change their names in this story so that I do not incriminate anyone.

    Let’s call them John, George & Buddy. John & Jimmy were long time hunters. George had never been hunting with these guys before. The hunt was for deer.

    The three of them left before 4AM and drove out to a local farmer’s property. The area they were going to hunt in was pretty big so they decided to setup their tree stands in a triangle facing the center of the fields.

    Each of them walked to their respective area around the field and within 30 minutes or so they were seated in their tree stands awaiting the sunrise.

    They were sure that there was deer in these fields. The farmer had seen them move thru these fields to other areas for grazing.

    As the sun started to rise, sure enough, a herd of deer started walking within George’s sight. He was sure he could get two or three from where he sat.

    George opened fire and unfortunately did not realize he was shooting towards John, who once he heard the first round go thru the branches over his head, jumped down out of his tree stand, and laid flat on the ground.

    Visualize this in your head – Rapid firing of a rifle. Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom, over and over again. There was a pause and then more shots.

    George continued to fire driving the herd of deer straight toward John, who fearing for his life because of the bullets flying overhead, had his face buried in the ground. The deer ran right over top of John, nearly trampling him “to death”

    The “trampling to death” statement could be exaggerated, since later on we heard the deer were fawns and does.

    Buddy & John were sure that George had just taken out 8 or 10 really large bucks, hopefully some with 10 point racks.

    It got very quiet for about 15 seconds before George started yelling, “Guys, come here quick, quick, get over hear now!”

    John got up out of the ground and shook off the hoof marks (again, likely exaggerated) and started over to George.

    Buddy excited at the prospects of lots of great venison, jumped down from his stand did the same.

    When they got over to George, he was still in his tree stand as if still looking for deer.

    John asked him, “How many deer did you get and where are they?”

    George responded, “I almost got one. But I ran out of Ammo.”

    John wanted to kill him.

    Buddy laughed his head off.

    They never went hunting together ever again.

    Another story shared with you by Teddy Burriss. I hope you enjoyed it.

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