Teddy Burriss

I am going on vacation again real soon.

I may be going with my family. They have all been properly informed of how this works.

This is what I have told them.

I plan to do nothing. Nothing at all.

I expect to do nothing on the patio, on the deck, on the dock and on the boat. It is possible I may do nothing in the house, if the weather becomes non-conducive to doing nothing outside.

You can assist with me with this important plan of doing nothing by providing assistance in the mundane daily tasks that seem to need someone’s attention. Tasks such as feeding others, fueling the boat, icing the beer, managing the cigar humidor and caring for your or other people’s self-perceived emergencies.

Additionally, please have meals ready and a cold beer within my reaching distance (no stretching allowed).

I hear that you are making plans and wish you well with your plans.

Please do not forget, I plan to do nothing.

Please do not worry about me as you fulfill your plans, since I will actively be working on my plan of doing nothing.

Furthermore, you do not need to plan to be with me while I work on my plan of doing nothing. Actually, I believe that I can better complete my plan of doing nothing if you are off doing something else, somewhere else.

Normally, this would be assumed; however since most of you are not members of the man club, I would not expect you to know this by default.

Once I complete my plans of doing nothing, I may participate in other plans, especially if they include some form of doing little or nothing.

However; there is really no earthly way I will participate in any plans that include doing anything that does not include doing nothing.

Please feel free to share any other input related to properly doing nothing.