A friend of mine sent me this list. Not sure who the real author(s) are. Use them as you wish.
• I am currently out on a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
• You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
• Sorry to have missed you, but i am at the doctor’s having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
• I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
• Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
• The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart y our computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-du-viduals did this over and over again.)
• Hi, I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
• I’ve run away to join a different circus.
• I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as Loretta instead of Bob.
• Thank you for your message. You are currently in 352nd Place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
Teddy Burriss 