Teddy Burriss

Are you Listening to me

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  • Interesting Information that needs to be shared

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    Stuff that we ponder now and then, yet never come up with any answers:

    • Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
    • Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds” when they know there is not enough?
    • Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
    • Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle?
    • Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
    • Why didn’t Tarzan have a beard?
    • Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
    • Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
    • Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “lisp”?
    • If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
    • Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
    • Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
    • Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
    • Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
    • Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
    • How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
    • When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, “It’s all right?” Well, it isn’t all right, so why don’t we say, “That hurt, you stupid idiot?”
    • Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
    • In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
    • How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

    And my FAVORITE…

    • The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends if they’re okay, then it’s you!

  • Game Show Audition response

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    I originally wrote this on March 26, 2008 in response to a game show audition. After finding it today (2/26/11), I thought I would put it on the blog for safe saving & so others can laugh at me

    Written for Deal or No Deal Audition – which I did not make

    Luckiest moment in my life – In 1977 I postponed a trip to see a girl in Kansas and met my wife of 30 years at a local carnival

    What is my occupation? – Technology Sales Consultant.

    What is the most interesting job I have ever had?

    Delivering caskets to funeral homes “Just In Time”

    Or – Cleaning out radioactive material from a radiation facility. See picture

    What is the most interesting thing about me that strangers can’t tell just by looking at me? –

    I am # 2 of 15 children – 7 girls & 8 boys from Maryland.

    Or – I am always “Unbelievably Fantastic, Hovering near Ecstasy…”

    Tell us the most embarrassing story about yourself.

    Having the entire neighborhood see me and hear me running and screaming thru my back yard, in my underwear, shining a flashlight over the hill where I was sure a UFO was, only to find a Medivac Helicopter rising over the hill in the middle of the night.

    Or – Having the receptionist page me at the plant to let me know that the boat that I bragged about winning and paid $150 for shipping was in the lobby in a box no bigger than a briefcase – it was a rubber raft.

    What is the most outrageous thing I have ever done? – That I can talk about on TV or in front of my Kids –

    At nearly 50 years old – three time participant in ripping down the goal posts and taking them to the lake after App State Championship football games.

    What is the next milestone in my life – Retire to be a dock boy on a lake.

    Other than significant other – who will be my supporters – Daughters, Son-In-Laws, Best Friend

    Do I have a luck Charm – My troll statue in my den – but I can’t bring him with me because he hates to travel

    Who lives with me – Rebecca my wife, our dog – Becka No more goldfish, gerbils or hamsters!!!

    What would you do if you won a Million Dollars? – I would plan to give 50% to the Rebecca Burriss Charitable Trust and 50% to finance becoming a Dock Boy.

  • Married Bliss – a Sweet Story

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    This story is a re-production from an email I received back in April 2010.

    The newlyweds were only married two weeks, when the husband said to the wife, “Honey, I’m going to Hank’s Tavern to have a beer. I’ll be right back.”

    “Where are you going, Coochy Coo?” asked the wife.

    “I’m going to the bar, Pretty Face.” He answered, “I’m going to have a beer/”

    The wife said, “You want a beer, my love?” She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

    The husband didn’t know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, “Yes, Lollipop. But at the bar… You know…. They have frozen glasses.”

    He didn’t get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, “You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?” She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills holding it.

    The husband, looking a bit pale, said, “Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors-d’oeuvres that are really delicious.. I won’t be long. I’ll be right back. I promise. OK?”

    You want hors-d’oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?” She opened the oven and took out 4 dishes of different hors-d’oeuvres: Chicken wings, pigs in a blanket, mushroom caps and little quiches.

    “But my sweet honey… At the bar…. You know there’s swearing, dirty words and all that…”

    With no hesitation, the wife said, “You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? WELL LISTEN UP CHICKEN S***. SIT YOUR SORRY A** DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR F*****’ BEER IN YOUR STUPID FROZEN MUG, AND EAT YOUR DUMB A** HORS-D’OEUVRES RIGHT THERE BECAUSE YOU’RE F*****’ MARRIED NOW AND YOUR SORRY A** IS SOOO NOT GOING TO ANY DAM** BAR. THAT S*** IS OVER.. GOT IT, DUMB A**?”

    And they lived happily ever after.

    Isn’t that a sweet story?

    Married Life – I don’t know about you, but I’m tearin’ up a little.

  • Why me Lord?

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    Why Me Lord?

    I regularly ask myself: “Why me Lord?”

    For months now, I have asked myself this question nearly every day.  In fact, I even I started wondering it out loud and even praying for an answer, asking: ”What did I do to become so blessed?”

    Why am I the lucky one?  Why is my life so fabulous and easy?  Why do I have such a great family? Why am I so healthy.  Why do I have enough of the materialistic stuff to make my life comfortable and enjoyable?

    Why have I been chosen to be so blessed? Why me Lord?

    I still don’t know all the answers, but I get messages every now and then that I am now trying to pay attention to.

    The messages seem to be a guidance to something new.  Something different, important and relevant.

    I got another message this past December 2010.  Here’s what happened:

    It was a normal 5:30 pm end to another chaotic workday downtown.  As I headed down the ramp from Broad Street to I-40 West, traffic snarled and nearly stopped. Snorting to myself about the delay, I crept down the ramp and saw that there was a car stopped right smack at the end of the ramp.  I snorted again, I wanted to get home, dang it!  Traffic was real heavy as I am sure everyone had the same plans I had – get home.  No one would cut anyone any slack, so there was no merging going on here today, especially as everyone tried to get around the stalled car.

    In less than a minute I was next in line to scoot past the disabled car.  I was pushing the clutch in, hurriedly yanking the gearshift down into 2nd just as I pulled up alongside the disabled car.  My mind processed “Finally, Yeah!,” just as I looked out my passenger side window and saw a lady crying her eyes out in the disabled car.  Years or maybe months before I would have yanked the car into the next gear and kept going, but today, I pressed the clutch in, down shifted and twisted the steering wheel to the right to stop in front of the disabled car.

    I jumped out of my car and walked back to the disabled car, very aware that all of the other drivers were ticked off at me because I was now an additional delay for them as lots of them slowed even more to see what I was going to do. Lots of people were looking at me with disdain and scowling faces as if I were their newest big pain of the day.  The repeated piercing looks were very real and somewhat hurtful.

    As I walked toward her, I could see and hear the hysterical crying.  She appeared to be falling apart as she sat in the immobile car, knuckles white as she grasped the steering wheel, her entire body shaking, gasping for air, her head jerking up and down and her face red with pain and terror.

    I walked up to her car, tapped gently on the glass and beckoned for her to wind down the window, thinking she would press a button, but instead, she started actually “winding” it down.  I quickly viewed the car and saw it to be an old, damaged and apparently worn out car, full of “stuff” scattered about the seats and floorboard.

    I leaned closer to her and in the calmest voice I could use, yet be heard over the roar of cars flying past us, said, “It looks like your car does not love you today. Let’s see what we can do to get you out of here. My name is Teddy, what is your name?”

    Still sobbing uncontrollably, she responded, “I’m Pam.  I just had my car worked on and it cost me all the money I had in the bank, and now it’s broke again.  My son is very sick and in the hospital.  He is going into surgery in an hour and I need to get there with his stuff before they take him to the operating room.  My cell phone does not work and I don’t even know who I would call.” The tears streamed down her face as she spoke.

    Keeping calm I said, “Well, we can’t worry about your broken car right now, let’s figure out what to do to get you over to the hospital.  Maybe what we should do is call the police and tell them your car is blocking traffic and I’ll drive you over to the hospital while we call a tow truck.” Crying maybe just a little bit less, she said, “Will you do this for me?” “Yes Pam, I want to do this for you.”

    I decided that since traffic was really messed up, I would call 911 and ask them what to do.  Again, in a calm and direct voice I told Pam to get her stuff and head to my car, which she started doing.  I helped her carry a few of the bags of things she had for her son as I dialed and then talked with a 911 operator. Almost on cue a City Police car came over the hill, flipped on its blue lights and pulled up behind Pam’s car.  Letting the 911 operator know that the City Cop was here, she hung up.  I walked back toward the cop and quickly told him what was happening.  Pam’s hysteria had slipped aside and she appeared much calmer now that the police officer was here to help her.

    He had another plan.  ”My dad is in the hospital and that is where I am heading right now.  I’ll take her there.”  So, in a few quick movements we moved Pam’s bags over to the cop’s car for plan B.

    The cop asked Pam to drift her car down the hill and onto a section of grass alongside the road so that she would not be blocking traffic anymore and so that he would not have to call an emergency wrecker (i.e. lots of $$) to move it; a better idea from someone with more traffic-chaos experience.

    As Pam, now much calmer, headed back to the police car, I said good-bye and good luck.  She stopped, turned and nearly blocking traffic again, gave me a big hug, saying, “Thank you for stopping.  No one else wanted to stop, let alone get out and help me in any way.  You did and you stayed calm while all the cars flew by.  I really appreciate your help.”  I wished her well and told her I would pray that her son’s surgery went well.

    I got in my car and drove off.  The total time involved with Pam and her problems had to be less than 10 minutes.  But in that 10 minutes I again faced my unrelenting question, “Why me Lord?”

    Here was a lady who has an old junker car, is out of money, worried about her sick child, no idea how to solve her current problem and no one willing to help her.

    It seems like such a simple issue now, but at that moment Pam’s problems all piled up to become so overwhelming to cause her to melt down on the highway.

    As I drove away, I’m not sure exactly why, but I started to tear up myself.  Let me honest here, I actually cried out loud in my car as I continued to ask, “Why me Lord?”

    Again – Why am I the lucky one?  Why is my life is so fabulous and easy?  Why do I have such a great family?  Why am I so healthy.  Why do I have enough of the materialistic stuff to make my life comfortable and enjoyable?  Why do I have a good job and make good money?

    Why have I been chosen to be so blessed?  Why me Lord?

    I may have an answer, or at least part of the answer.

    “I have so that I can give.”

    And, I think the giving I am supposed to do is not in the typical way of donating a little money here and there, or doing a little volunteer work when it fits my schedule.  This is important, but I think it’s not enough for me.

    No, I think the giving I am supposed to be doing is going to be at another level.

    So, I have taken a leap of faith, far bolder than I have ever done before. I quit my job to find out exactly what it is I am supposed to do to fulfill my new role of Giving Back.  I have decided that making lots of money is not what’s important to me any longer.  My bills need to be paid and getting some of what I want is somewhat important, but helping individuals directly is what I need to be doing.  I am on a quest to find a new role where I do this every day.

    It’s my quest, no one else needs to be on it with me.  However, I wonder, who else is as blessed as I am and asks the same question I do every morning, “Why me Lord?”

    If you are blessed in any way, have you asked yourself the question – “Why me Lord?”

    Do believe you have so that you can give?

  • GPS Myth Busting or Protect your Family Jewels

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    A good friend of mine read a story about thieves, Social Media sites and GPS.

    It went something like this. Original story and names changed to protect the innocent and make for a good blog story.

    Betty had a lot of jewelry when she died. Her husband, Fred wanted to get rid of it all.

    He went thru the jewelry box and organized it all before taking it to a jeweler to be appraised. He was astounded to learn it all was worth about $250,000.

    His kids did not want the jewelry and he really could use the cash. So he decided to sell it on Craigslist.

    Fred knew that pictures were better than words, so he used his Iphone and took lots of really good pictures of the diamond rings, pearl necklaces, ruby earrings and emerald bracelets. Dozens of fabulous pieces. He put them all back in the case and then set out to post the items for sale.

    Fred setup an account on Craigslist and posted individual ads for each of the pieces. He set the asking price for each piece a little less than the appraised value.

    Fred also posted the pictures on Facebook with a link back to the Craigslist ads.

    Within a few days he was getting lots of email messages and FB messages from interested parties, but most of the inquiries were to see if he would take less money.

    Thru Craigslist messages, one guy named Tom, said he would buy it all, but he wanted to meet Fred first to make sure he was dealing with a real person. He asked Fred to meet him at a Starbucks first, without the jewelry, just to be sure.

    Fred liked this idea. This way he could make sure the guy was equally real and up honest. So he agreed.

    Fred got to the Starbucks as they agreed, but Tom was not there. Fortunately they shared cell phone numbers, so Fred called Tom. “I’m running a little late Fred. Can you wait another 15 minutes,” Tom asked. “Sure”, said Fred.

    25 more minutes went by and still no Tom. Fred tried calling again, but this time no answer. Disappointed, Fred headed home. That was a waste of over an hour thought Fred.

    As soon as Fred pulled onto his carport, he felt like something was wrong. He walked into the house and immediately saw that he had been robbed. The kitchen, living room, den and bedrooms had all been ransacked. The jewelry case in the bedroom was empty.

    Fred knew that he had been taken. He called the police. They tracked the cell phone number for Tom and discovered it was now a dead disposal cell phone. Tom must have been the thief.

    Fred had not posted his name or home address on Craigslist and he did not his address information with Tom thru the other messages. How did Tom find out where he lived?

    Fred showed the postings and original pictures with the police. Someone assumed that the GPS information that was embedded in the IPhone pictures was the answer. Tom must have gotten this information from the Craigslist photos and as Fred was driving to Starbucks, Tom was likely heading to Fred’s house. He used the Starbucks meeting to get Fred out of the house.

    So the story that my friend read warns us not to upload pictures with GPS info to public sites.

    However this warning is unfounded, and I tested it myself to find out. The next few paragraphs are absolutely true.

    I took a picture of a beer bottle with my IPhone. I used my Facebook and Craigslist accounts to post this picture. I offered to sell the never been opened beer bottle for $2500 on Craigslist.

    I copied the picture from my Iphone to my PC and when I viewed the properties I could see the GPS data, which clearly shows my address & house when I mapped it.

    I copied the pictures from Facebook using the download hi-res image option, and saved it to my PC as well. Viewing the properties of this image I could see some metadata, but most of the original data had been stripped out, including the GPS info.

    I copied the picture from Craigslist and the same loss of metadata occurred. No GPS or camera info.

    Tom obviously figured out where Fred lived thru some other method. Maybe he used a phone book or some other directory. But it was not via the GPS info that the IPhone attached to the original picture.

    Moral of the story, protect your family jewels. Put them in a safe or safety deposit box when you are advertising to sell them and don’t blame technology for all of the bad things going on in life.

    Teddy

  • If I did not make Mistakes

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    If I did not make mistakes
    And give too brief a thought to heavy questions
    And too much time to little matter;
    Or if I always knew which road to travel
    Where every step would lead me into daylight
    And if each face that turned to watch me pass
    Was broken by a smile;
    Or if whenever I should choose to lay my heart
    Bare upon the sun-warmed grass,
    It always was returned with tender touches
    And carried by a song;
    And if my heaviest burden were only to be
    A breeze upon my back, and blossom in my hair,
    And my brow was never crossed with lines of pain;
    If all this endless summer were my lot
    And winter’s fury never beat me back,
    Then I never would have seen the stormy nights
    Through which I’ve struggled, fought and won;
    I never would have known the joy of needed comfort given,
    Or the essence of a friend.

  • Our Lives need Warmth

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    We need warmth to sustain us in life. In order to truly be “alive”‘ we need warmth at all times.

    The warmth I am referring to is not from our furnaces, fireplaces or from the blankets we curl up with when it’s cold outside. I am referring to the warmth that is created within our body when we truly live life by sharing ourselves in a positive, meaningful way with others.
    Helping others in any way creates this warmth.

    helping others starts when we are young

    This warmth is a feeling deep within our souls that makes us smile to ourselves. It causes us to smile, laugh, tear-up or even get just a little giddy. When this feeling comes over us it’s hard to think anything but happy and positive thoughts. This feeling of warmth can become a catalyst for even more of the same actions.

    This warmth is a perpetual type of feeling. Share what you have and who you are with others with sincere compassion and our bodies will immediately create even more warmth.

    Warmth exists and can be discovered when we individually seek to find ways to provide meaning and personal value to others. The amount of warmth in each of us varies. But share what we have and who we are with others, with love and compassion, and our bodies will generate more warmth, endlessly.

    God created us as individuals with lots of uniqueness. It’s clear that one way we are different is in how we share with others and then how we benefit from this thing I call Warmth.

    We can share ourselves and what we have with an endless number of people. No one need be excluded. There are hundreds of people you know personally, thousands you know in business and community, millions who live around you and billions of people in the world. The number of people that you can affect in a positive and caring way is far greater than you can imagine and can expand easily.

    Our uniqueness extends into how we share ourselves, as well as what we have, with others. No one can tell us how to do this. The number of ways we can do this is greater than number of stars in the sky, including giving time, a helping hand, funds or a hug and a smile.

    It’s not how you share or what you share, it’s being aware within yourself that you are sharing for others and not yourself. The honest acts of doing, listening, asking, giving, helping, or any other action where your primary purpose is for others, is what creates more warmth. This is also how you turn your existence into a truly living life. This results in warmth automatically regenerated within ourselves.

    Once you do share yourself and what you have with someone else, feel the warmth regenerate within yourself. Repeat this act of sharing as often and in as many ways as you can today. At the end of the day I promise you will feel the warmth wrapped around your body again.

    Share yourself and what you have frequently and regularly and the benefits to yourself are far more rewarding than you can imagine.

    According to Webster’s dictionary warmth is “the quality or state of being warm in feeling”.

    I believe that sharing yourself in a positive way with others, even in the simplest of ways, is how you create this feeling of warmth.

    Share yourself and what you have with true compassion and care, then enjoy the warmth.

    Another story by Teddy Burriss. I hope you enjoyed it.

  • How many Mikes do you know?

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    Recently I sat with a business contact and we were trying to figure out the name of someone we knew and the name of his company.

    We knew the guy’s name was Steve or Steven or Stephen, but we were not exactly sure.

    We joked that our contact lists were filled with lots of people with the same name.

    We eventually figured out it was Stefan and then we figured out the company he worked for.

    This got me wondering – how many different names do I know.

    So, to figure out how many duplicate names I have in my contact list, used a little Microsoft Excel Magic against my Outlook Business contact folder.

    This is what I found:

    Out of 2557 people, here is a list of the names that showed up more than 20 times each.

    First Name Count
    Mike or Michael 77
    John, Johnnie, Jon 70
    Robert or Bob or Rob 70
    David or Dave 67
    Steve or Stephen or Steven 43
    Jim or Jimmy 42
    Christopher or Chris 38
    Thomas or Tom or Tommy 38
    Michael 35
    Bill or William 34
    Jeff or Jeffrey 32
    Tim or Timothy 30
    Scott 28
    Dan or Danny, Daniel 26
    Mark or Marc 26
    Susan or Sue 24
    Andrew or Andy 21
    Joe or Joseph 20
    Patrick or Pat 20
    41 Names 741

    Each of these individuals are unique in their own right, even though, not in name.

    There were another 774 names that showed up less than 20 times each for a total of 1816 people.

    Based on my not so scientific research – there are a bunch of Michaels, Johns, Roberts, Steves, Davids and Jimmy’s.

    In my contact list there is only 1 Zeb, Yasser, Vedda or Tug. And, yes each of these individuals are also unique in their own right, not just in name.

    I hope you enjoyed this little un-scientific research.

    Teddy

  • Pearrls – Transition Tuesday notes

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    I went to my second Transition Tuesday meeting today in Winston-Salem NC

    This is a group of men associated with the New Canaan Society, many unemployed and searching for that next position or career. The others in attendance attend to provide spiritual and emotional support, guidance and ideas toward the goals of others.

    Today the speaker was Ted Budd, a guy I worked with for a few years who has a good head on his shoulder and a Godly passion to help others.

    Below are my notes compiled based on Ted’s discussion.
    This is not specifically what Ted said to us, just a compilation of my thoughts and Ted’s words:

    Far too often we allow our lives to be on cruise control. A good life filled with happiness and where we respond to the ups & downs, as well as opportunities of life must be experienced more like riding a sports car. Hug the white line, use the breaks sparingly and press the gas pedal only when it makes sense.

    Live life with a check list. Not someone else’s, but your own.

    The first B-52 crashed on takeoff because someone forgot to remove a safety pin in the rudder. A checklist would have allowed the engineers to see that the pin needed to be removed prior to flight.

    Ted told us that his checklist is based on the word Pearrls (yes, dual R).
    Here is what Pearrls stands for, in Ted’s life. I added my interpretations of the message.

    Prayer – quiet time, listening, study, ask God for help. A great way to prepare yourself to pray, listen and reflect is by turning down the ambient noise around you.

    Exercise – take care of your physical body. It is the only one God will allow you to have, and a good well maintained body will take you far in life. Does this not make good sense?

    Appetite – feed your physical body. Feed yourself good foods and do not over indulge. Good foods are what makes a body run well.

    Relationships – share your ideas, desires and worries with others. Without good professional, community and family relationships, your running along thru life by yourself. What good is this. Work on building great relationships, and don’t forget your spouse. Personal relations are a priority in a good life. Also, pay attention to who you build these relationships with. Positive people beget other positive people. Don’t hang with the wrong people.

    Read – stay sharp, read good stuff, seek new knowledge. Don’t read just text books or business council or development books. Throw in some fiction, autobiographies and the Bible. Knowledge is best if it consists of lot of perspectives, from lots of different sources.

    Lights out on time – put all the stuff down and rest your body. A well rested body helps to keep you alert and energetic. And, don’t just rest at night. Find periods of time thru out the day to rest. Studies have proven that periodic rest is better than only a good nights sleep.

    Schedule the next day – keep an active schedule that can help you reach your goals. Schedules help you stay focused and helps to get the tasks completed. And, don’t forget to schedule for rest, love, happiness and others.

    PEARRLS is how Ted’s checklist. We all need one similar for ourselves.

    I hope you enjoy my notes from this morning’s Transition Tuesday in Winston-Salem NC

    Teddy

  • Wrong E-Mail Address

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    A lesson to be learned from one who misspelled an email address!

    A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel.

    There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address and, without realizing his error, sent the e-mail.

    Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail expecting messages from relatives and friends.

    After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

    To: My Loving Wife
    Subject: I’ve Arrived
    Date: Feb 10, 2010

    I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I’ve just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. P. S. Sure is freaking hot down here!

    I hope you enjoyed this story retold by Teddy

  • It is my bed – Hear Me!

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    It’s my bed, and I will do as I like – do you hear me?!

    If I wish to bring a fried bologna sandwich to my bed at midnight, I will.

    If I wish to bring popcorn and freshly fire-pit created s’mores to my bed, I will.

    If I wish to set a George Foreman grill at my feet in our king sized bed, and cook a 1pm angus burger, I will.

    If I want to bring a tin of sardines and crackers to my bed with a quart jar of sweet tea, I will.

    If I wish to give a tip to the Papa Johns delivery guy as he delivers a large supreme pizza to my bed so that I can continue watching Love Story and sipping a cup of hot tea, then I will.

    If I wish to serve beer and brats to my friends who join me in my bed as we watch the SuperBowl ads, then I will.

    If I decide to hire a professional sponge bather to take care of me as I sit in my bed watching Murder She Wrote and eating tacos, then I will.

    If I decide to serve bourbon and red velvet cake to our neighbors from my bed as I listen to Edith Piaf on ITunes, then I will.

    If I decide to get a pedicure and waxing done in my bed as I eat twinkles and drink hot chocolate and watch Magnum PI, then by golly, I will.

    Any questions? If so, stick ’em in a sock and shut up. Hear me?!

    Good!

  • It all began with an Iphone

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    March was when my son celebrated his 15th birthday, and I got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn’t?

       
    I celebrated my birthday in August, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad.

       
    My other son’s birthday was also in August so I got him an iPod Touch.

       
    My wife celebrated her birthday in September so I got her an iRon.

       
    It was around then that the fight started……

    What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean.
    This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.

    I should be out of the hospital by Monday but Doc says I’ll have permanent iScars and always walk with an iLimp!

    Thanks to Mike T for sharing this story that I now share with you.

    Teddy

  • Real Test Drive of an Audi A8

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    I wonder what I need to do to get on this Driving course @ the Audi Driving Experience?

  • RETARDED GRANDPARENTS

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    Written by a third grader, on what his grandparents do.

    We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Arizona. Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on their bicycles, and wear name tags, because they don’t know who they are anymore.

    They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, they do exercises there, but they don’t do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with hats on. At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night – early birds. Some of the people can’t get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck. My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and, says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too. When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandkids.

    Thank you Mr. Jim Ward for sharing this story with us.

    Teddy

  • Bean Facts worth knowing

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    I’m reading Starbucked by Taylor Clark. I learned some interesting information from Taylor which I want to share with you:

    1.) In 2006 a $3.95 cup of Starbucks Frappuccino breaks down like this financially:
    $0.20 – Coffee – (5%)
    $0.40 – Dairy Product (10%)
    $0.07 – Cup, sleeve, lid (2%)
    $2.84 – Labor & Overhead to serve (72%)
    $0.44 – Profit (11%)

    2.) Dunkin’ Donuts did a survey in 2005 and found that most of the respondents would give up sex before giving up their daily coffee

    3.) Another Dunkin’ Donuts survey found that habitual coffee drinkers have more sex than those who abstain, from coffee that is.

    4.) There is more caffeine in a Sunkist Orange Soda then there is in a similar serving of Coca-Cola or Barq’s Root Beer.

    5.) In England a cappuccino now costs more than a line of cocaine.

    6.) Good bean such as Coffea arabica has forty-four chromosomes. Humans have forty-six. Cheap poor quality coffee beans only have twenty-two chromosomes.

    7.) Kopi Luwak beans are harvested from the droppings of a catlike animal called the Indonesian palm civet – the creature eats ripe coffee cherries, partially digests them before passing them on enhanced. It’s a special gift to the world appreciated mostly in Japan and costs as much as $300 per pound.

    8.) Starbucks has been wrongly accused of running off many Mom & Pop coffee houses over the years. Contrary to this belief, many Mom & Pop shops thrive right next door to a Starbucks.

    9.) In 1999 the Panda keepers at the National Zoo in Washington DC found that Hsing-Hsing loved blueberry muffins. Not just any muffin would do though – he only wanted Starbucks blueberry muffins. This was important since they hid his arthritis medicine in the muffins.

    10.) A Texan who calls himself “Winter” has made it a full time pursuit of visiting every Starbucks store on the planet. By 2007 he had visited Sixty-Five hundred locations.

    11.) Starbucks only purchases 2% of the worlds coffee production each year

    12.) The Big Four coffee conglomerates are Nestle, Proctor&Gamble, Philip Morris and Massimo Zanetti (which bought the Sara Lee coffee Brands). They provide over 60% of America’s coffee supply and make massive profits at it. One way they achieve this is buy diluting the good bean with Robusta bean, a poor quality coffee bean. Estimates are that the major blends of Folgers and Yuban are not 65% Robusta.

    13.) in 1927 Gus Comstock, a Minnesota barbershop porter challenged anyone to drink more coffee then himself. He previously drank sixty-two cups in ten hours. Then H.A. Streety of Armadillo Texas drank seventy-one cups in nine hours while Perry Wilson of Canyon Texas drank seventy-two cups in ten hours. A mob showed up for the challenge and sat around for seven hours and fifteen minutes to see Comstock down eighty-five cups of coffee. A record that has not been broken yet. (Note – it must have been weak coffee because eighty-five cups (5 Gallons) of good bold coffee would have up to thirteen grams of caffeine in it, well over the highly fatal dose of five to ten grams.)

  • Jack of all trades

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    Today I proved to myself that I am an electronics technician.

    These are the guys who fix electronic devices and since I successfully fixed my wife’s portable CD player, I am obviously an Electronics Technician.

    Rebecca has a small portable CD player that she uses in her classroom. Last week she brought it home saying it would not work. Last night she opened up the CD bay and after poking at it for a few moments with her fingernail file she declared it Dead. “Can you fix it for me,” she asked. “Yes I can babe,” was my reply.

    I told her I would look at it later, when I had time. I had to finish watching Night of the Living Dead. A great movie originally from 1968, first remade in 1990. Turns out the movie I was watching was the 1968 version. I like the original best anyway.

    So this morning I went to my workshop and got all of the tools that I figured would be needed.

    28oz Hammer
    Electric Drill with various screwdriver heads
    Duct tape
    VizeGrip pliers
    Needle nose pliers
    Supper glue
    Razor knife
    Flashlight

    Back upstairs, I turned on my iTunes, picking a Meatloaf album, walking thru the kitchen, grabbed a beer as I passed the fridge and back to the living room to sit down with the defective high quality electronic device.

    I put all of my tools on the floor near me. You have to make sure they are easily reachable, but not so close as to get in the way. I plugged the appliance in, placed a CD in the drive, closed the door and nothing. It appeared dead. Any other technician would have given up, but I knew there was still hope.

    I put a small screwdriver tip in the electric drill (DeWalt 18v) and commenced removing screws from the back. There are 16 screws of various lengths holding this thing together. It took about 10 minutes and 1/2 of my beer to get them all out. I began prying the case open with no success. I picked up the hammer and almost used a Man’s method, but then I thought of something else. I removed the battery case cover and found 1 more screw. 17 total.

    With all the screws out and scattered along the floor in front of me, the case came apart easily. Time to celebrate that accomplishment with a sip of my beer.

    There were a bunch of wires connecting the 2 halves together. I unhooked them, trying to remember where the red, green, blue, baby blue, aqua, grey, white and somewhat red ones came from so I could reconnect them later.

    All of this done, the halves were completely disconnected. Reward time again.

    I had to remove one printed circuit board to get to the motor for the CD player. It’s always the motor. Every electronics technician knows this.

    With unobstructed access to the motor, I twisted the spindle and it seemed to move properly. I poked at some of the other wires in the system, rubbed my finger over some of the diodes, capacitors, semiconductors and transistors. I did not see any vacuum tubes to lick, so, I considered this repair task complete.

    There is nothing else that can be done.

    I reconnected the wires, paying close attention to where I put the grey wire so as not connect it where the white wire belonged. I am sure that I got them back where they all belonged.

    I put the two halves back together and then commenced to put the 12 screws back in. There is no practical reason to put the other 5 in, so I threw in the trash. If my wife saw them she would fret about them not being replaced. We all know that electronics manufacturers use extra screws just so they can jack up the price.

    I plugged the player back in, inserted a CD and hit the play button. Nothing, not even the slightest whirl noise.

    My wife walked in at that moment and asked, “were you able to fix it?” “Not yet,” was my reply.

    Taking another sip out of my second beer, I thought for a moment and realized, I forgot to use the fast pressure technique.

    “WHACK”, I slapped my hand down on the top of the player.
    “WHACK, WHACK”, I repeated the therapy.

    I pressed the play button and, Bim Bam Boom! It started to play.

    I tested on, off, CD out, CD back in and each time it worked fine.

    My wife walked back into the room “Is that my CD player I hear?”

    “Yes, babe, it took little more work, but it works fine now.”

    I got a big hug and kiss followed with, “You are fabulous!”

    I’m sure I can pass the test and become a certified Electronics Technician now.

    Tomorrow I’m going to work on the car. It has a slight ticking in the motor. I’m sure I can fix it.

    Teddy

  • It’s You I like

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    It’s You I Like! . . .

    It’s you I like,
    It’s not the things you wear.
    It’s not the way you do your hair,
    But it’s you I like.
    The way you are right now
    The way down deep inside you
    Not the things that hide you
    Not your diplomas…
    They’re just beside you.
    But it’s you I like,
    Every part of you,
    Your skin, your eyes, your feelings,
    Whether old or new.
    I hope that you’ll remember
    Even when you’re feeling blue,
    That it’s you I like,
    It’s you yourself, it’s you
    It’s you I like!

    –Frederick ‘McFeely’ Rogers

    Mr. Fred Rogers (1928-2003) was the host of the internationally acclaimed and highly successful children’s television show ‘Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, in production from 1968 to 2001.

    Thanks to Nigel Alston for sharing this thru his Motivational Moments Newsletter

    Nigel Alston is a motivational speaker, Dale Carnegie trainer and columnist. Encouraging People to Succeed–Inspiring them To Act!

  • Tomorrow I am unemployed by design

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    Today (12/15/2010) is my last day of work @ outsourceIT formerly Bald Eagle Technologies.

    And this is part of my grand plan.

    I have been gainfully employed for well over the past 35 years.

    This was my career design and a journey that has been very rewarding and exciting.

    I provided for my family, put them thru school and gave back to the community as much as I could.

    By far the most rewarding benefit has been the people that I have met and the long lasting relationships that I have created.

    Effective tomorrow – I will be unemployed and I am not the slightest bit worried or concerned.

    My friends and family are encouraging me to pursue activities that relate to my passion of Giving Back and Helping Individuals in a Positive Manner.

    When I get back from the trip with my wife I will restart my networking within the community and am confident that I will find the new path that will fulfill my desire to Give Back and help individuals in a positive manner. God will show me the doors that I need to open in order to do this.

    Knowing that I am a very blessed man is the best possible fuel for my passion.

    With the grace of God, tomorrow morning I wake up and start an entirely new journey thru life. Please join me if you like.

    Teddy

  • What is our purpose in life?

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    I am sharing this story with you as it was told to me.

    As I drove to work this morning the emotion of what has occurred over the past few weeks got the best of me. God obviously has a role for me beyond what I believed yesterday. It was hard to hold back the tears, but I choked on them and focused as best I could on driving as the events of the past few weeks flooded my mind.

    On Thanksgiving day, as my mother-in-law sat in the family room, my wife beckoned to me to come into the bathroom. A little strange, however her face told me something serious was up.

    I walked into the room, she closed the door. Something was wrong, or at least that’s what jumped into my mind at that moment.

    My wife hugged me tight and whispered in my ear, “Honey, we’re pregnant.” She held up the pregnancy stick thing with the big blue dot on it. We hugged tighter and congratulated ourselves, quietly.

    This may have been my first tear of the next few weeks.

    We have a 9 year old daughter and for nearly 5 years we have been trying to have another baby. Not sure why we could not get pregnant, we also applied to adopt about 3 years ago. All of our hoping, praying, testing and doctor visits had been for naught.

    Hoping for a pregnancy or an adoption for so long can wear you out emotionally and spiritually.

    But hopefully, this pregnancy will be the answer to our prayers. Thank you God!!

    We decided to not tell anyone until after visiting the doctor. The smiles on our faces the next few days were broader and sweeter than normal.

    The Thanksgiving holiday was great and my wife and I were still giddy with excitement the entire 48 hours of holiday.

    That Saturday the excitement disappeared in a heart beat.

    Late Saturday afternoon my wife began to miscarry. We knew it immediately. This has happened many times before.

    In the privacy of our home we wept together again, this time sorrowful tears that hurt more than ever. We used our love and faith to accept that there is a reason for this happening, however the pain was so great that every tick of the clock hurt as we sat together on the bed quietly asking ourselves and God, “When will we have another child?”

    My wife visited the Doctor’s office early the next week and through out the entire week we said very little about our hopes for another baby or the deep pain we both had for yet another lost chance.

    The next weekend my wife and I sat again and talked about our hopes and dreams of another child. We talked and wept together, knowing that not only did we want another child to love and care for, but our daughter wanted a brother or sister to share her life with. Each thought of our lost dreams caused more and more unbearable pain.

    We wondered if it was because of our ages. Could it be that God did not want us to have children at our age? Were we trying to hard? Not hard enough? Did we do something wrong and this was punishment for our sins?

    We sat together for hours talking, offering each other possible answers and ideas of what to do at this point.

    It hurt to make the decision we made that night, but we decided that it was time to stop. Stop dreaming and hoping. Stop spending so much energy and emotion chasing a dream that obviously would never come true.

    We were united in our decision, however the emotion of our decision was immense. This was a life altering decision that we both knew would change our lives, our family and our relationship for ever. Yet, there was no turning back. We completely agreed.

    That Sunday was a normal day in our house. We ran the errands, watched the football games and shared the meals together with our daughter. With the decision behind us by less than a day, our lives were back to normal. Yet we both knew, something was missing, and we had accepted, would always be missing in our life.

    Acceptance can be painful, however I hoped, and am sure my wife did as well, that as long as we accepted together, all would be good, eventually.

    The weekend came and went. Monday was a typical work day. We both immersed ourselves into our jobs as we tried to put behind us the pain of the previous week and our final decision on having or adopting another child.

    Little did we know what was in store for us next.

    At 4 in the afternoon my wife got “The Phone Call” – Oh My God!

    The adoption agency wanted us to come to the hospital immediately. A four day old infant needed a family and this child was an exact match to our profile.

    There are lots of emotional details that I can’t tell you because of adoption agency policy; however we were chosen to become the foster parents with the plan to adopt a 4 day old baby that needs us in the worst way.

    My wife and I cried as we drove to the hospital. We met with the nurses and adoption agency staff and it all came together in less than a few hours.

    They loaded up our car with the essentials that an infant and new parents would need and sent us home.

    We arrived home with our baby and once we got into the house we looked at each other and simultaneously realized what was going on.

    Believe in miracles if you can, they do happen.

    Believe that God has some form of a plan for us, because many times our life changes for reasons beyond our control or understanding.

    Believe that you have a purpose in life and it is possible that you have not been told what it is yet.

    Believe that there is someone, (or will be someone) on this earth who needs your help and love.

    Believe that your life will be changed and in doing so, enriched by the sudden involvement of another person (or child).

    Always Believe that there is a reason and that one day it may make sense. Don’t try to force or make up an answer yourself. This will not work. The reasons and answers will come, when God feels the time is right.

    On this Tuesday morning, our baby now asleep, my wife hugged me again and whispered into my ear. “Honey, God delivered our baby today.” Tears rolled down our faces as we hugged and quietly said, “Thank you God.

    We believe

    Another story, this time brought to you by Teddy, but originally from a friend. I hope you enjoyed it.

  • I need your help with possible Travel ideas

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    If I were going to drive this route, what would you suggest I see?

    West into Texas,
    across New Mexico,
    thru Arizona,
    into California @ San Diego
    north along the California coast
    up to Seattle Washington
    Back East across Colorado and then the heartland of the country and back to NC

    I am sure many of you have seen some great sights in these areas.

    Please email me any great sights to see or things to do, if I were to take this trip.

    Email TeddyBurriss@gmail.com

    Thanks

    Teddy