Teddy Burriss

Are you Listening to me

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  • A Great Grandfather’s Gift

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    In the fall of 1999 my Grandfather laid in his deathbed in a hospital in Frederick, Maryland. I drove up from North Carolina to visit with him knowing that soon he would pass away.

    During my visit with Pawpaw he seemed to know about his fate and was accepting of it. We chatted for some time over the few days before his death and he seemed to have few regrets. He never said anything about being afraid of dying. He repeated some stories that he had told me previously about his life.

    Now, Pawpaw was hard of hearing and I had to lean down really close to his head as we talked so that he could hear without me talking loud in the hospital. Because he knew I was close to him, he did not talk very loud. He asked me how my job was going and he asked me how my wife was. So I answered his questions and gave him updates on everything that was going on in North Carolina.

    I told Pawpaw that my oldest daughter, Jessie, was about to get married. Pawpaw had met Oscar once or twice, but I doubt that he knew that Oscar and Jessie were going to get married, so I told him.

    I said to him, “Hey Pawpaw, Jessie and Oscar are going to get married.” I continued with, “They hope to get married sometime early next year.”

    He leaned over toward me and said, “That’s great Lee. I’m happy for Jessie.”

    Then he got real quiet. He seemed to be thinking for a moment about what I just told him.

    Slowly and softly he said, “Hey Lee,” and he paused in mid-sentence as he turned his head slowly to the left and then back to the right to see who else was in the room before he continued on, “I hope she is not getting married for sex.”

    He said this to me as if to confirm that this was not the case.

    I responded back to him with, “No Pawpaw, I’m sure they are in love.”

    “Good, that’s good,” was Pawpaw’s reply. He laid there quiet for a few minutes, and then changed the subject completely.

    Now to this day, I wonder, what would Pawpaw’s comment been if I had said they were getting married for sex? I also wonder why this was important for him to ask as he laid on his death bed. I’m sure that it had some relevance to his life as he reminisced over his past 92 years. At that time, it seemed more important to me to let him reflect on the question that he posed, rather than for me to inquire why he asked.

    I waited until the spring of 2000 to tell this story to anyone. I shared it with a large group of people, at Jessie’s wedding reception. This story became a wedding gift from Pawpaw to Jessie and Oscar.

    Not paper, not wood or metal, just a really interesting story about Pawpaw for Jessie and Oscar. Many years later, they still tear up knowing he cared enouwondered about this.

  • Race day – new experiences

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    Every year I join one of my sons (in-law) and some of his friends at a NASCAR race.

    This year we got invited to experience the race a little bit differently. Including the drive from Advance to Concord, our time at the race and the drive home, it was a far different experience. And it was all good.

    We had talked about going to the Coca-Cola 600 which is the race we normally go to; however on Friday, Marc called me saying he had tickets to the Sprint All-Star race, the next day.

    This played well for two reasons – 1) I could not go to the Coca-Cola 600, Memorial Day weekend because of prior family commitments, 2) the All-Star race tickets were courtesy of the Hendrick Automotive Group, in their suite. SWEET, we were both IN!

    The race is not your typical NASCAR race. It’s a short series of races with the top purse being $1,000,000. This makes for more tense and aggressive racing, which normally makes for lots more track action, i.e., crashes.

    Marc and I hopped into my Mini Cooper at 5pm and headed south to Concord. We had recently discovered a new route between Advance & Concord. The drive thru the country was a great ride in my hot rod little go-cart. This made for a fabulous spring drive. (Note – I miss my motorcycle.)

    This new route also took us into Concord from a different direction than most of the other race fans take. Smooth sailing to the track – Life is good.

    As we drove up to the Race track, which is the biggest sports venue in NC, I pulled the mini into the first VIP parking lot on a whim. I did not have a VIP parking pass, but hoped that I could find a stray spot big enough for my little car and that no one would notice.

    As soon as I pulled into the gate a guy waved his hand for me to pull up further and then beckoned for me to wind down my window.

    “Are you looking to park here?” he asked.
    I wanted to say, No, I’m here looking for a mermaid, but I opted not to be sarcastic.
    “Yes sir,” I replied.
    “When are you leaving?” he asked.
    Again, I thought wiser and did not respond with, “Depends on the doomsday timing.”
    “As soon as the race is over” is what my mind let my mouth say out loud.
    “Then park right there in front of my car. I wouldn’t let just anyone block me in, but I like you ’cause I got me a Mini too and I love Mini drivers.”
    “You’re great dude, thanks a million.” was exactly what my mind and mouth said in unison.

    I pulled the mini right off the edge of the road, smack out in front of everyone else. Life is good.

    This is prime parking because when the 100,000 fans start leaving, no one moves until the cars up front get moving. That’s us up there in the front row.

    Marc and I headed off on foot toward the grand stands. We met our source for tickets at one of the crossing bridges that leads from the parking areas over the highway to the race track. Great timing and now tickets in hand, into the stands we go.

    The suites are on the top floor of the grand stands. You need an wrist band to get up there, which upon showing security our tickets, “Hello Mr Burriss, right this way sir.”, with our wrist bands on wrists, elevator opens as if on cue. Life is good.

    I was a little taken back that I had to press the buttons myself to get the elevator to go up. But I understand. When the economy get’s better, maybe they’ll hire elevator bellboys again. I can do my part until then.

    We got on the second floor and 3 doors down the hallway was suite 110. Marc and I are good at what we do, and when invited to attend the race in the Hendrick Automotive Group suite, what we do is act as if we belong. We walked in scanned the room and headed directly over to the bar.

    Appropriate “soda” in hand, we scanned the other side of the room and discovered what was obviously set out for us. Monster sized peeled & devained shrimp. YEAH!

    Marc and I are shrimp connoisseurs. In this I mean, we eat shrimp anytime we see it and as long as it’s good shrimp, we’ll keep eating it until it’s gone. We’re not gluttons, we will pace ourselves, but don’t get between us and the shrimp. Life is good.

    We headed thru the suite to our seats. Now, these are not the seats the commoners sit on outside. These are plush cloth seats with a table ledge in front of us to sit our “soda” and shrimp down on. On this ledge were also bowls of fresh peanut M&Ms, regular M&Ms, mixed gourmet nuts and spicy snack nuggets. Did I already say, Life is good?

    The view from our seats was pretty sweet as well. Full view of the entire 1.5 mile track, complete view of pit road and the start finish line to our right and smack in front of us was the most magnificent thing I have ever seen in my life.

    On the far side of the track, right before turn 3 sat the biggest freakin TV in the world. Made of 9,000,000 (yep 9 million) bright LEDs it measures 800 feet wide by 20 feet tall. An unbelievable 16,000 sq ft of HD TV for us to enjoy watching every possible video view of the upcoming race as we watch and listen to the race live.

    Comfy chair in an air-conditioned suite, ice cold “soda”, hugh fresh shrimp, live race and gigantic TV to boot. Life is good.

    There were a few unpleasant issues during the race. At one point the big screen TV got a small black line thru it. Sort of like the size of a hair, but it was noticeable and it detracted from our happiness for a brief moment. Also at one point during that race our waitress took a few seconds longer clearing out our empty shrimp plates and “soda” cans. To the average person, this may not be a big deal. To “soda drinkers and shrimp lovers, this slowed us down getting yet more. I decided not to make a big deal out of these issues, but I took notice just in case they are not improved upon by next time.

    The race was pretty good as well. There were some aggressive drivers who pushed the envelope hard trying to get that $1,000,000 prize. A few spectacular bump & grind cautions and one major T-Bone wreck that as expected was captured on the big screen in slow motion, BANG/BOOM instant replay from all 63 track cameras. Life is good.

    We did not realize until the shrimp was nearly gone, (not sorry guys, you dawdle, I win), that it was just an appetizer. At 7:30, for dinner they brought out beef tips, blue cheese mashed potatoes, salad (yeah, no thanks), chicken slices flavored to perfection and more “soda”. Again, note the ever so important quote – Life is good.

    We felt obligated to partake of the dinner since somebody obviously worked hard to prepare it. We found some more shrimp to add to our dinner plates as a side dish.

    After dinner they served all kinds of cakes, cookies, candies and even more “soda”. See not about quote above.

    Well, all good things may come to an end, and the All-Star race was no different.

    Yet the good stuff did not end yet.

    We thanked our hosts for a great time and walked back down to our car. As we were pondering how to get it turned around and thru a sea of slightly to completely drunk NASCAR fans, the guy in the front of the exit line yelled at Marc. It was a friend of his. With a quick hello he said, “tell your buddy in the mini that he can pull out in front of me as soon as the crowd opens up a little. Which we did. Marc and I both said, “SWEET!”

    We had 5 cars between us and the main road. Everyone wanted to turn right which was very slow going. We wanted to turn left, which was going to be nearly impossible. Oh, but Not!

    Once I got the nose of the mini into the main road a NC State High Patrol officer came up to my window and said, “When I tell you to go, get behind that cruiser and turn left. He’ll escort you all the way down the wrong side of NC RT 29 to Piney School Rd. Got it?”

    Yes sir was my reply, because that is exactly what I wanted to do. Man, Life is good.

    On cue, I pulled my car up behind the cruiser and followed him down the wrong way on RT 29, lights flashing and a periodic siren blaring. We were getting a SHP escort out of town, past all of the other suckers sitting in traffic wondering when and how they were going to get out of there. What would normally take hours, we did in 10 minutes with a police escort. Life is good.

    Of course, we had to yell at the cars we passed and inform them that we were special and they WEREN’T. Would you expect differently?

    The fact that a 100 other cars were on the same journey out of town with us made no difference to Marc and I. We were at the front of the line which meant the escort was all about only us.

    We made the left hand turn onto Piney School Rd, the cop turned off his lights and moved out of our way. Marc waived good bye as I pushed the rpms up in the Mini and grabbed more gears.

    We soared down the back roads out of town and headed back to Advance. Sunroof open, windows down, high beams on, yep, we owned that road. Life is good.

    We pulled into Advance in less than 45 minutes (I will deny that I did not follow speed limits) and as we crossed I-40, there was our next experience. A NC state High Patrol license check.

    I wondered if possibly our great evening had come to an end. But, nope, all was good.

    I pulled my license out and handed it to yet another NC state Highway Patrol officer.

    “Where are you guys coming from?” he asked.

    Now I wanted to reply, “From your mothers place, man she is great”, but I have a smart mind.

    “From the race in Concord officer.”, I replied.

    “Nice, how was it?” he asked.

    “Great office, good race.” I politely replied.

    “Good for you, have a nice night.” was his final reply as I took back my wallet, jammed the car into gear and drove off.

    I learned years ago, stop drinking “soda” early if you are the driver. This rule has never failed me.

    I got home at 1AM, safe and sound, smiling after another great Nascar race.

    Life is good.

  • Rapture or ecstasy

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    One of my many mantras in life is my reply to the ever so regular salutation, “How are you doing?”

    My response is always, (not almost always, but ALWAYS) a subset of the mantra, “I am doing unbelievably fantastic, hovering near ecstasy, and right now it’s not chemically induced.”  Once I am good friends with someone, they get to hear this exact reply directly a few times a year.

    This morning, May 22, 2011, the day after what Harold Camping again predicted would be the end of the world, doomsday or rapture, I am pleased to say that I am doing unbelievably fantastic, hovering near ecstasy, and right now it’s not chemically induced.

    Sitting on my front porch, listening to the birds singing, a beautiful crystal blue sky overhead and the air crisp and clean.  Reading the Sunday paper, (primarily the sports & comic sections), I wondered about the word rapture.  I kinda know the meaning of it, but thought I did not fully know it’s meaning.  So, I looked up the definition of rapture.

    Definitions of rapture (n)

    overwhelming happiness: a euphoric transcendent state in which somebody is overwhelmed by happiness or delight and unaware of anything else
    mystical transportation: a mystical experience in which somebody believes he or she is transported into the spiritual realm, sometimes applied to the second coming of Jesus Christ, when true believers are expected to rise up to join him in heaven
    state of great happiness or enthusiasm: a state of great happiness or enthusiasm about something, or words and gestures that express this
    Synonyms: ecstasy, euphoria, bliss, delight, joy, heaven, elation

    Wow, I’ve living rapture all my life and didn’t even realize it.  Thanks for pointing this out Harold.  I’m not sure about unaware of anything else or the mystical transportation thing, (more about that later today), but overwhelming happiness, state of great happiness or enthusiasm, yeah, I’m there 24x7x365.

    Now, my mantra could be, “I am doing unbelievably fantastic, hovering in rapture, and right now it’s not chemically induced.  Join me please.”

    Teddy

  • Deadly Lingerie

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    I updated this story because I found a more appropriate image of Deadly Lingerie.

    A husband walks into  Victoria Secret to purchase a sheer negligee  for his  wife.

    He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to  $500 in  price — the more sheer, the higher the price.

    He opts for the sheerest  item, pays the $500, and takes it home.

    He presents it to his wife  and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.

    Upstairs, the wife thinks  (she’s no dummy), “I have an idea … it’s so sheer that it might as  well be nothing. I won’t put it on, I’ll do the modelling naked, return it  tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.?

    She appears naked on the  balcony and strikes a pose.

    The husband says,………… “Good  Grief! You’d think for $500, they’d at least iron it!”.

    He never heard the shot. Funeral is on Thursday at Noon.

    The  coffin will be closed.

    Thanks to my buddy Patrick for telling me this story

  • Disappearing Giants

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    In May 2001 the Village of Clemmons NC passed a sign ordinance amendment that addresses the height of future signs. Current signs would have ten years from the amendment’s passage to come into compliance with the new standards.

    So guess what is going on today – May 13, 2011?

    Lots of Giant Signs are falling. The Sign companies around are making money today.

    Taking down the Beasts and replacing them with ordinance compliant signs.

    The Giants are falling in Clemmons NC. Now if we could get rid of the all of the Power Lines – It would begin to look like a Village here again.

    Thanks Village Council for setting this in motion back in May 2001.

  • Happy Mother’s Day – 2011

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    A Mom’s entire day is filled with duties that many others are not able to deal with.

    She is there to do the things others can’t understand or can’t make happen.

    A Mom is there to help the young child get thru the day and achieve all that they can achieve.

    Are you a Mom?  If so, I am sure you know what I refer to – Happy Mother’s Day to all of you.

    Teddy

  • ALERT – Your LinkedIn Profile may Go Poof?

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    I moved this blog to – http://wp.me/p1tUmp-R. Sorry for the shuffle

  • She cleaned up after her child pooped in my yard

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    Her Child pooped in my yard

    I sat on my front porch early one afternoon, doing what I do best; drinking an ice cold beer, listening to my Itunes library and smoking a fine Cuban(ish) cigar.

    I didn’t have anything in particular that needed to be done this afternoon, so I decided that I could justify kicking back on the porch for a few hours. There was no one else home and the neighborhood was quiet. I basically had the entire community to myself at that moment. Peace and quiet are a duo of happiness that I truly enjoy and I was doing just that.

    I-40 thru Davie County is about a quarter of a mile away and normally I can hear the buzz of traffic moving down the road. Today it seemed that there was less traffic than normal which made my time on the porch even more enjoyable as I listened to the tweets of birds and a few frogs in our small fish pond.

    It was an absolutely beautiful day. Crystal clear blue skies, warm sunshine and just the slightest breeze. I mowed the front yard the day before so the grass was well manicured and because I had worked hard last fall, it was bright green and fairly weed free. The flowers were blooming and various trees we have in the yard were filled with bright blossoms. Spring was definitely here and I was enjoying it.

    Then it happened – the most unusual thing I have ever witnessed, right in my front yard directly in front of where I sat.

    A minivan came flying off the main road and squealed into our little cul-de-sac. The driver pulled off the road and stopped her van right in front of my house. She jumped out of the van, ran around the front and grabbed the sliding back door to open it. She was moving so fast that I barely saw her make 4 steps around the left side, across the front and then back to the middle of the van on the right side. What ever was going on had this lady fired up.

    She had not seen me sitting on the front porch because her focus was clearly on getting to the sliding door.

    Once the door was opened she frantically waved her arms beckoning for someone in side to get out. From my vantage point I could just barely hear her as she said, “Come on now! Get out of the van now!” With what looked like a single leap, a little boy jumped out of the van and landed feet first on my yard.

    He appeared to be maybe 3 or 4 years old. Dressed in a nice white shirt, khaki pants and nice shiny brown shoes. He was dressed for success in his business casual attire, but I’m sure at his age he was not heading for a business lunch. I imagined that he was heading back to school or maybe to a doctors appointment. It was the middle of the week and around 1 in the afternoon.

    Now, here is where it really starts to get strange. I’m about ready to share with you a series of words to describe an image that I have never seen happen quite like this.

    Her child pooped in my yard

    The little boy yanked his pants down and started to pee in my yard. Then he squatted and crapped, right there in my yard as his mother stood watching him. She made no movements and didn’t appear to say anything to him until he was done.

    Apparently, this little boy had to go really, really bad.

    In what appeared to be only seconds, he was done. His mother had grabbed some napkins from the back seat of the van and without hesitation she reached down and helped him complete the task by wiping his little butt off.

    With a little less haste he redressed himself as his mother opened the front passenger door and picked up a McDonald’s cup. She popped off the top and poured the remaining soda and ice onto my yard. With the napkins she had in her other hand, she reached down to the ground and picked up what the child has deposited onto my yard. She placed it all in the cup and put the top back on it, then set the cup on the floor in the front passenger area of the van.

    I could barely hear her speaking, but I caught some of the words as she calmly told him to get back into his seat. She reach in and help him fasten the seat belt. She continued with her calm and smooth motions and pulled the sliding door shut.

    As she started to walk back toward the front of the van, she paused for just a moment and looked down at the ground as if to be sure she left nothing behind. She continued around the van, back to the driver’s seat, pulled her door shut, fastened her seat belt and put the car in drive.

    She drove down to the end of the cul-de-sac and swung the van around to head back out of our neighborhood. As she drove back past my front yard she again looked at the ground and then looked up and saw me for the first time. As if nothing unusual had occurred, she smiled and waved toward me. I waved back as she drove away.

    I chuckled lightly to myself, offered up to her an imaginary “Thank you” for cleaning up after her child pooped in my yard. I went back to listening to my tunes.

    It’s a beautiful spring day in Davie County.

  • A Prayer for Courage

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    Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers,
    But to be fearless in facing them.
    Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain,
    But for the heart to conquer it.
    Let me not look for allies in life’s battlefield,
    But to my own strength.
    Let me not crave in anxious fear to be saved,
    But hope for the patience to win my freedom.
    Grant me that I may not be a coward,
    feeling your mercy in my success alone,
    But let me find the grasp of your hand in my failure.

    — Rabindranath Tagore

    Consider this . . what are you praying for?

    Courtesy of Motivational Moments by Nigel Alston

  • To Believe

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    To believe is to know that every day is a new beginning.
    It is to trust that miracles happen, and dreams really do come true.
    To believe is to see angels dancing among the clouds,
    To know the wonder of a stardust sky and the wisdom of the man in the moon.
    To believe is to know the value of a nurturing heart,
    The innocence of a child’s eyes and the beauty of an aging hand, for it is through their teachings we learn to love.
    To believe is to find the strength and courage that lies within us.
    When it is time to pick up the pieces and begin again.
    To believe is to know we are not alone,
    That life is a gift and this is our time to cherish it.
    To believe is to know that wonderful surprises are just waiting to happen,
    And all our hopes and dreams are within reach.
    If only we believe.

    Thanks to Motivational Moments by Nigel Alston for allowing me to repost this

  • You don’t know Boppy

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    I found this story in my computer tonight, nearly 4 years old already. I have to post it on the blog before it get’s lost.

    I gave this speech in August 2006 at a Toastmasters meeting. It was supposed to be a touching story and apparently it was. Two women in the audience started to cry.

    As a father of little babies I sang them little songs, danced with them and fell asleep with my babies lying on my chest. But I never told my working buddies about this.

    As a young father I played with my little girls, tea parties, feeding baby dolls, having my hair done up and my toe nails painted. But again, I never told my working buddies about this.

    When my girls were born, I stayed home with my wife and newborn baby for a week or so, trying hard to be helpful. But again, I never told my guy friends about this side of Teddy.

    For years if I showed any compassion toward anything, or displayed the feminine side of my personality – I would deny it or hide it from my buddies.

    You can’t be a rough, tough, beer drinking, cigar smoking, pool-playing guy if you act the slightest bit soft.

    Now it may not seem apparent, but I am nearly 50 years old now.

    For those of you who don’t know it – I have 4 daughters, 2 son-in-laws and 1 Grand Daughter – Amanda.

    As I have gotten older I have always strived to stick to this persona – “I am a grumpy old Man, I love being a Grumpy Old Man and I don’t want to be anything but a grumpy old man!” But Now I’m a Grand Dad

    For those of you who are not Grand Parents, Quasi Adoptive or Stand In Grand Parents – It’s a different world & it will Change YOU!

    I have been changed – I am a different Man now – Let me tell you how.

    I will never forget the night my grand daughter was born.

    While waiting in the waiting room my wife was upstairs in the delivery room with our daughter and her husband.

    Finally after what seemed like forever, my cell phone rang. It was my wife.

    She was in the little bathroom next to the delivery room – she was nearly screaming at me – “She’s a Girl, It’s a Girl – She’s beautiful. Too bad you can’t see her.”

    When I finally got into the delivery room, I admit I had a tear of excitement rolling down my cheek.

    My daughter was holding a little tiny baby blanket with what looked like a little doll in it.

    Oscar, my son in law was beaming with pride as he nodded his head with a kind of “Look – look at my daughter” kind of a gesture.

    My wife looked like she had been crying with excitement as she wielded the digital camera and cell phone camera around the room.

    As I got closer to my daughter I could see better – There she was – Amanda Lee Alonzo – My grand daughter.

    Dark brown eyes, lots of black hair and a cute little button nose – just like her daddy’s.

    I begged Jessie & Oscar to let me hold her. That was a great moment.

    I’m telling you right now – When you become a grand pa – it changes your life.

    Today Amanda, or Mandy or Manda Panda Bear as we call her is 3 ½ yrs old. She amazes us daily with more and more cute things.

    She loves to dance, sing, paint beautiful art and play with all of the toys my wife kept from when we had little kids at home.

    But by far the best thing she has ever done is to name Becky and I – her American grand parents.

    We all know of grandfather names like – Grand Pa, PoPop, Gramps, etc.

    And grandmother names like Nana, Grandma, MeMaw, Granny, etc.

    Amanda has come up with a pair of names that I have never heard of before.

    My wife is Bum & I am Boppy.

    Since Mandy could utter names like Mommy, Daddy, kitty and dog – she has been calling us Bum & Boppy.

    And – I don’t think I would want any other name.

    Another neat thing about my grand daughter is PICO.

    When Amanda was about 4 or 5 months old her mommy and Daddy taught Mandy to give them a kiss by saying, “Give me a Pico”

    Every time Jessie & Oscar brought Mandy over they told her to “Give Bum a Pico hello” or they would say “Give Boppy a Pico hello.”

    They did the same thing when leaving “Give Boppy a Pico Goodbye”, “Give Bum a Pico Goodbye.”

    I learned quickly to give Mandy a kiss hello or a kiss good by saying “Give Boppy a Pico”

    One day I went to work and told my buddies there that I knew a new Spanish word – Pico meant Kiss. One of my Spanish-speaking buddies told me that Kiss in Spanish was really Beso (spell it)

    When I got a chance later that day, I called my daughter and asked her how to say Kiss is in Spanish – she said Beso.

    I asked her what Pico was – she told me it was a pet word for Kiss that Oscar came up with when Amanda was first born.

    Today Mandy is 3 ½ and we still get a Pico hello when she comes over.

    Amanda lived with Bum and I for almost a year while her Daddy was out of the country.

    Trying to stick to my Grumpy Old Man persona, I stuck to the statement that I would not change diapers.

    I have already raised 4 daughters and I was done with the diaper thing.

    But – I did just about everything else. I fed her, rocker her to sleep, played dolls with her, sang to her and let her fall asleep on my chest in the recliner.

    I felt like a Dad with a baby again. I hated to say good bye to her every morning, and I couldn’t wait to get home at night to see her.

    It was great to walk in the door at the end of a crazy day at work and as soon as Mandy heard me come in she would come running to the hall yelling – “Boppy’s Home, Boppys Home.” And I would reach down to her, pick her up and give her a Pico.

    Now Amanda and her parents live in their own home.

    Amanda knows how to use the cell phone to call Bum & Boppy and we talk to her 4 or 5 times a week.

    She calls us and asks us how our day was. We talk about her books her cat and her toys.

    I send email to Amanda with funny pictures and jokes that a 4 year old understands.

    Folks – Let me repeat – being a Grandpa has changed me significantly.

    I am no longer bashful telling anyone that I am a blessed man.

    I am proud of my 4 beautiful daughters and my beautiful wife.

    I boldly share pictures of my family with anyone who asks, or acts as if they are about to ask.

    I’m still a grumpy old man, love being a grumpy old man and will always be a grumpy old man, but now – I’m Amanda’s Boppy – and proud of it.

    Now you know Boppy.

  • My journey of giving back

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    On 4/5/2011, I visited the First Prebyterian Church Jobs meeting in Greensboro, NC

    The speaker was Bishop Chip Marble of the Episcopal Church of North Carolina.

    Chip felt led to share Psalm 23 (written by King David) with the group. As he read it out loud, I realized that this Psalm was speaking to me and the journey I am on now. Listen to the words:

    The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
    He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
    He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
    Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
    Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
    Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

    Chip had another version of verse 4 that I really enjoyed.

    “Yea, though I walk thru the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, cause I’m the meanest SOB in the Valley.”

    I asked Chip for permission to use his quote. I think he heard me, I think he said yes. (lol)

    As I listened to Chip’s reading of Psalm 23 and later as I read it to myself, it really seemed to me that these words are very relevant to my previous life, current life, as well as my future.

    Here is how I compare these verses to my life:

    “The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want.”
    As I have mentioned before in my post titled, Why Me Lord?, I have always been able to provide for my family. I always managed to pay my bills, put a little money away and even buy just about any new gadget, tool or toy I wanted. I know that this was because a) I worked hard and B) God was there to help my family thru life and especially when times were tough.

    “He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.”
    Again, I have been saying all along that my life is good, easy, comfortable and safe. A) This is likely because I rarely put myself in situations or environments where I could not manage to achieve success or happiness. Also, my wife always offers me “input” that kept me in line, even if I did not think I needed it. B) God always seemed to point me in the right direction, even when I thought differently at first. I generally strive to live in line with God’s desire for me.

    “He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.”
    I normally don’t talk about the mistakes I have made in life. I could tell you that this is because I have not made any mistakes, but too many people know this is not the truth. The honest truth is that I have made many mistakes in life. Some trivial, others not. A) I know how to discern right from wrong and strive every day to be sure I am doing right by everyone. Again, my wife and even my kids help me with this regularly, not that I need their help. B) I know that God loves me enough to forgive me for my sins, as long as I always strive to do better, and I work hard at doing this.

    “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.”
    Yeah, no way am I the meanest SOB in the valley. Actually, I try hard to live safely. I have been in a few dangerous situations and even feared for my life on at least a few occasions. In each situation I felt the urge to quickly ask God for help, and without fail, God felt that I have enough value to Him, and likely others, that he protected my life. That’s very obvious to me since I sit here today writing this story after some very precarious situations, now long past. A) Again, I do not purposely put my life at risk, either physically or emotionally. I also have a wife who councils me regularly when she feels I am doing something dangerous. B) I trust in God to protect me and to keep me safe while I am doing what he wants me to be doing. For many years I knew my task was to provide for my family and to make sure that my daughters had the guidance and support necessary to get them to the point in their lives where they could provide these things for themselves. I did this and while I did, God protected me. Now, I believe that God wants me to start focusing my time and energy to help others, and if I do this, again, I will fear no evil.

    “Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies.”
    I have always felt that there is really no one out there who is an enemy to me and my life. Maybe people who don’t understand me or wish I were different, but no enemies. A) I don’t try to please everyone, but I do try reduce the risk of confrontation with others. This helps me limit the number of enemies I may have in life. B) Being a Christian, I learned to treat others as I want to be treated and to turn the other cheek when necessary. This attitude is likely the real reason I have no enemies.

    “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.”
    I have never been one to wear my Christianity on my sleeve. That being said, I am very happy that my religion has guided my life significantly. I understand and believe in the value of the 10 Commandments, the Golden Rule and many other common sense (to me) rules of a good life.

    On my new journey to start giving back has made me a little less guarded with what I wear on my sleeve. I have found myself comfortable telling others about my faith in God and belief that as long as I am doing good, God will take care of me.

    Like Chip, I too morph good statements to fit my own personality as well.

    “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, as I continue on my journey of giving back and befriending the meanest SOB in the valley.”

    Teddy

  • Did I do that?

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    I wrote this story after working in Orlando Florida back in 2004.

    Did I do that?

    One of the tasks that I have been charged with is recruiting for a large landscape maintenance job in central Florida. This has been a very interesting task. The job calls for 5 foremen landscaping employees and up to another 8 seasonal laborers. Initial I thought that recruiting for the foremen would be the most important activity.

    Unfortunately I made many mistakes the first time thru on this task. I advertised for these employees in a large metropolitan newspaper which is rather expensive to subscribe to, and it turns out that because of this cost my target market does not read this paper. Therefore I received minimal candidates from this advertisement. I then decided to advertise in a more local paper which is less expensive; however I ran the ad the week before Christmas and again, received very few responses. I then changed my target and decided to try to advertise for the laborers in the hopes of getting some foremen responding and possibly some laborers who could be developed into something like foremen. I was overwhelmed with both the number of applicants and the high percentage of alcoholics, drug addicts and convicted felons. Lord help me – what have I gotten myself into.

    I interviewed somewhere around 30 applicants.

    I hired 1 that came up with a positive drug test and had to fire him.

    I hired a middle aged lady who swore up and down that she could handle an edger and 2 days later I turned in my first Workers Compensation claim because of her.

    I hired another who promised me he had no criminal record problem and this is where “Did I do that?” came from.

    I counseled all of the applicants with the following phrases: “We are responsible for the landscaping of 1100 homes that belong to retirees who want to be sure that we not only do the job right, but do it safely and that they can trust us to leave their personal belongings alone. Do you understand this?” I generally waited to get a clear and positive response to this question.

    I then went on to say. “It is important that all of the employees working on this job are able to constantly pass a drug test. Is this going to happen with you?” I again wait for a clear and positive response.

    I end the counseling with. “It is also of the utmost (possibly too large of a word) importance that none of the employees we hire have any kind of a criminal record. This includes arrests, run in with the police or talking to a judge. Are we going to find anything on your background check regarding this?” I always asked – “Are you sure?” even if I got a clear and positive response to this query.

    The most memorable applicant told me that I had nothing to fear in any of these areas.

    I decided early on that I would give the good applicants the offer of employment and while they were going for their drug test I would have our regional recruiter run the Criminal Record Check, or background check.

    This generally takes only a few minutes. I called our recruiter on my cell phone and gave her the information needed to run the check on this latest candidate. Within 15 minutes she called me back and asked if I had time to hear the entire report. She knew presenting this question to me would get me upset – she was correct. Even without hearing the report I was steaming mad that another candidate had outright lied to me.

    This guy had a three page report with larceny, probation violations, battery, assault and battery and other related criminal activities on his report. Some were labeled as felonies, others as misdemeanors.

    I called the guys cell phone and asked, “Have you gotten your drug test yet?”

    He replied “No, I am almost there.”

    I responded with “Don’t worry about it; we don’t need you to take the test.”

    He asked, “Why, am I exempt (hey he does know some big words).”

    I replied in a fairly angry voice “You outright lied to me. Your background check shows larceny, assault, assault and battery and multiple probation violations.”

    He cried back. “I don’t remember any of that.”

    I told him “Hey, the last assault and battery is listed as a felony that you were convicted of. You went to court on this less than a year ago.”

    He responded with “I thought I was found innocent of that. I guess I misunderstood my lawyer on that one.”

    I read another conviction to him, “It says here that you have two probation violations. How do you explain this?”

    He said “Did I do that?”

    This is when I lost it. I tried to politely explain to the guy that there were two types of people that I would not hire. The first is people with felony convictions. The second is people who cannot remember the crimes they commit. I said good bye very nicely and rudely hung up the phone.

    If someone ever accuses me of being rude to a candidate I will have to reply, “Did I do that?”

    Another story shared by Teddy Burriss. I hope you enjoyed it.

  • Blocking SPAM Text Messages on an Iphone

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    Today (03/22/11) I got another unsolicited text message to my Verizon IPhone.

    The message was from phone number “(786) 353-4199” and included the following text: +14242647221 – Need a quick and easy payday loan up to $1500? Visit
    www.iamastupidmarketor.com for INSTANT approval, get money in minutes!(2optout rply stop)

    Note – I changed the URL so that you don’t end up supporting them with even a single click thru.

    I called the 786 phone number and then the 424 phone number. They both rang directly into the same voice mail greeting (unanswered) and the mail box was “full”.

    This was exactly as I expected. They did not want to talk to anyone or solicit via the telephone. They want me to click on the URL which I refuse to do.

    I did not reply back with “Stop” as instructed if I want to optout, because I am not sure of the result that will create. Will they honestly opt me out, or will this just validate my phone number for future text messages from other hidden and secretive organizations who want to Spam my cell phone with waste of time text messages.

    I decided to try to find a way to block them without contacting them.

    Verizon Wireless has a way to do this for any phone except the IPhone.

    What’s up with this – The IPhone is the only real smart phone that Verizon has, in my humble opinion.

    Non IPhone users can go to MyServices once you login to your account on the Verizon Wireless website and block unwanted calls & text messages from specific phone numbers.

    Again – Except for the IPhone.

    I talked with a very nice lady named Tammy in Technical support. She was very aware of what I was asking, but had no solution to the problem.

    Here are the two options she offered for blocking unwanted Text Messages:

    1 – Reply back to the text with STOP and hope they adhere to the rules of OptOut. I did this just to see what would happen.

    2 – Disable Text Messaging on my phone. And we all know I am not going to do this – I need my text messaging. While I wrote this blog I got 3 text messages that I am glad to receive.

    Anyway – Let’s see if the reply of STOP will work. Hopefully it will.

    Otherwise I may have to revert back to faxes and the US Postal Service.

    Teddy

    Update – as of 3/1/2012 I have not had any new SPAM text messages to my Iphone on Verizon.  All looks good now.

  • How to Remove Rogue Apps from your Facebook Profile

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    Do you think your Facebook Account has been Hacked?
    Are your friends getting stuff on their walls from you and you swear it was not you? Is there stuff on your wall you did not put there or want?

    Usually this happens when you click on a cute or otherwise interesting picture or video on the wall, usually from on of your friends.

    One rule of thumb that I follow is this: I point at items on my wall (with my mouse) and look at the URL before I click on it. If the URL starts with http://apps….., I will not click on it. I have yet to see any of these apps be something that I want to use, see or spend time trying to get out of.

    Time to do a little Facebook Profile Maintenance by checking your Apps & Wall Settings. It’s easy to do.

    Here is how you do this.

    Open Facebook in your web browser
    Login to your account
    Click on “Account” in the upper right corner of the page
    Click on “Privacy Settings”
    Scroll down to the bottom left of the screen
    Click on “Edit your settings” below Apps and Websites

    You’ll see a list of Apps, Games and Websites that you are currently using, or are using your profile.

    Click on “Edit settings” to the right of the list to show the entire list

    With the full list displayed you can click on “Edit Settings” for an item and see the details of how it can access or post to your wall / profile.

    If there are any items in the list that you know you do not want, click on the “x” to the far right of the item and answer the confirmation dialogue message either “Remove” of “Cancel“.

    Note – if you remove an App from Facebook that you need for another application, you’ll get an error in that app and you should get prompted to make the Facebook connection again.

    Remove all of the apps, games and websites you want to get rid of.
    Then just click on “Facebook” in the upper left corner of the screen and go back to playing.

    This profile management task will help to reduce the garbage that the rogue Apps post on your wall and your friends walls.

    I hope this helps folks.

    Teddy

  • Communicating Course #202 – Part 2 of 3

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    As discussed in Part 1 of 3 –http://tlburriss.wordpress.com/2011/03/05/communication-course-202-part-1-the-real-story/, a lot had to come together for us to be where we are today with the wide variety of communication systems.

    In the mid 1980’s when I first joined the business world, there were 4 primary ways to get in touch with a business associate:

    – Call them on the phone. We have (or had) home phones and office phones. I have a home in NC that actually has a phone jack in the bath room, right next to the “throne”. Phone calls generally resulted in a direct conversation or a pink piece of paper with your name, phone number and a few words of the message hand written by a receptionist. I did not have a receptionist in my bathroom.

    – Paper letter, stuffed in an envelope, licked shut, with a licked stamp and dropped in a big blue mail box to be delivered to the other person in a few days or weeks. The slowest way to get someone a message and eventually we started calling this “Snail Mail”

    – Faxed letter. This used to be for urgent or immediate messaging, became a great way to share good jokes. (I deny faxing a fellow office worker a joke.) How many of us have dropped fax phone numbers from our business cards now?

    – IRL (in real life) Walk down the hall or drive to their office and meet face-face. Sucked when you forgot to bring the newest fax joke, but this has always been a good way to get a message to someone because it allows for instant reply and discussion, when needed.

    We had teletype machines as well, but these were on the way out by the mid 1980’s.

    Over the years we added lots of new communicating & message paths:
    Instant Messaging
    Cell Phones with Voice Mail, Text & Picture Messaging
    Email thru computers, cell phones and tablet Devices
    E-cards from the old paper greeting card companies
    FedEx letters
    Singing Telegrams
    And, the newest messaging systems provided by LinkedIn, Facebook & Twitter, as well as other Social Media platforms, less used in business.

    The Social Media channels are creating so many different paths for communicating, it can be overwhelming. LinkedIn (LI) statuses, discussions, comments, direct messages. Add Facebook status updates, comments, direct messages, online chat and Events. Then throw in Twitter streams, RTs, replies and direct messages. Lots of options create lots of choices and benefits as well as potential problems.

    Please, don’t misconstrue this expanding list of communication options as a replacement for IRL! In Real Life communicating is still the best option when an exchange is required.

    In my next blog I’ll bring some ideas about how to use the new communications systems we have.

    Teddy

  • Communication Course #202 Part 1 of 3 – the real story

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    It used to be easy to communicate across long distances. We had smoke signals and drums. I’m not sure when our forefathers started using these communications tools, and some days I wonder why we don’t use them any longer, especially for secret messages that our wives will ignore.

    In 1792 a Fench guy who really did not want to be home with his wife, built the first visual Telegrapy (Semaphore) system. It worked with pulleys of wood and rotating beams. A few years later someone with a little more smarts built a system with shutters, which was way faster. Some problems they had included finding skilled operators (no monster.com then) and that it would only work for up to nineteen miles. Their cousins 20 miles away were not happy. Everyone abandoned this service by 1880, creating piles of scrap shutters and ropes. The hippies in France used this litter for Bon fires.

    In the early 1800’s some geeky German guys played around with electricity, needles, wires and tubes of acid (hmm). They proved that the telegraph could work, even though they were quite high during the demo. The happy telegraph operator was not so happy because the baud rate was so slow and he kept bombing out and needed more acid. Because of these issues and the exhorbinant cost, this project got shelved for quite some time.

    In 1832, a guy named Jimmy Lindsay showed his high school class one of the very first WIFI demonstrations. The history is a little fuzzy, just like the original WIFI. The kids in his class had strange visions of texting, but could not understand what these visions meant. In 1854 he demonstrated sending a strange message about 2 miles from the room using the water of a local bay as the transport medium. Again a little fuzzy, but we are sure it was not the original Sext Message or broadcast of a Pee Wee Herman show. WiFI got put on hold for a while and Jimmy was supposedly stoned to death because the kids were so upset.

    Sammy Morse created the telegraph in 1837. It failed miserably. In 1838 he hooked up with Al Vail and they got one working that this time had a register or paper recording (teletype) function bolted onto it. It worked across a 3 mile cable. In 1844 they got it to work over 40 miles. By 1851 they had stretched 20,000 miles of telegraph cables across the US. This marked the beginning of the end of men saying to their wives, “I did not get your message honey.”

    In 1857 and then again in 1858 somebody with a lot of time on their hands and a big roll of wire, installed the first transatlantic telegraph wires. They both failed within weeks of installation, though the fishing was great. It was not until mid 1866 when a reliable big pond cable started working for the telegraph operators across the world. This created even more misery for men across the world whose wives wanted to call constantly to find out when they would be home.

    In 1876 Alex Bell created the land line telephone. It was 1878 when he started rolling it out across New Haven Connecticut and then 1879 in London. By the mid 1880’s we had land lines in every major city of the US. In 1927 we got the first wireless connection across the Atlantic (?) and then a hardwire transatlantic telephone connection in 1956 so 36 people could be talking across the big pond at the same time. I think I heard somewhere that they pulled these cables across the ocean using the old telegraph cables. Details are again a little fuzzy.

    Alex should have kept working with Jimmy on that WIFI stuff. Imagine what could have happened if they did.

    In 1880 Alex and one of his friends demonstrated the first video phone. No one used it until many years later because in the demonstration they sneaked up on a guy fooling around with his assistant and everyone agreed, let’s not do this ever again.

    In 1940, some dude named George direct connected his Teletype to his Complex Number Calculator in New York City and got a dumb terminal in New Hampshire to show the results. I heard the results were to this complex math equation, “If Bob had 3 apples and he gave Steve 2, how long would his wife let him stay out on a Friday night?” The answer that showed up on the dumb terminal was, “Get your butt home now!”

    In the 1960’s a group of guys created something called packet-switching which allowed lots of guys to calculate these important equations at the same time without having to use a Centralized Complex Number Calculator, or Mainframe.

    The first step to a full World Wide Web began with ARPANET and RPC in 1969 with a whopping 4 nodes or dudes with big questions that needed to be answered.

    In 1973 they extended this network over the big pond so their buddies in Norway could get help as well. Soon afterwards another guy in London got his wire connected too. I wonder what the chat sessions looked like back then, “Did you see the size of the vacuum tubes on that chassis? Woohoo!”

    It took until 1981 to get 213 nodes (dudes) on the original World Wide Web.

    Lots more techie stuff started to happen at an even faster high tech pace. Including:

    Local are networks came around in the 1970’s, Token Ring around 1974 and Ethernet in 1976

    SMTP came about around 1982, UDP in 1982, TCP and IPv4 in 1981, Http version 1.0 in 1996

    Finally the real WWW became widespread late 1990’s, using the old telephone and television networks. Then the really cool stuff started to happen.

    We’ll catch up on the cool stuff in Part 2 of the class.

    Teddy

  • One Great Sermon

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    My neighbor told me this Story after church this past Sunday – I think she said it was a true story.
    It was Saturday night and the preacher still hadn’t been able to think of a sermon for the next morning. About 9:00pm, he finally said to his wife, “Dear, I think I have finally come up with the perfect sermon! I’m going to give a sermon on horseback riding!”

    She said, “Don’t be silly! You can’t give a sermon about horseback riding!”

    He replied, “Well, it’s going to have to do because I’ve preached on just about every other subject I can think of.”

    The next morning as they were driving to church, she said, “I can’t believe that you are insisting on doing this! You know, if you are going to give that silly sermon on horseback riding, I’m just going to stay in the car during the service!”

    He said, “Ok, then, suit yourself!” So, she stayed in the car!

    Entering the church before the service, the preacher had a sudden inspiration and gave a hell-fire and brimstone sermon on SEX that just had the congregation in awe. As the congregration filed out of the church, some of the members saw his wife sitting in the car and approached the window.

    One of them said, “WOW! You just missed the best sermon your husband has ever given!”

    She said, “Yeah, right, what does he know about it! He talks big but he’s only tried it twice in his whole life! Once before we were married and once after – and he fell off both times!”

  • How to stay Young

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    Another Oldie but Goody – HOW TO STAY YOUNG

    1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay "them".

    2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

    3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil’s workshop." And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.

    4. Enjoy the simple things.

    5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

    6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

    7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

    8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

    9 Don’t take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

    10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

    AND ALWAYS REMEMBER – Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

  • George Carlin’s view on Aging

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    An Oldie, but Goody – George Carlin’s Views on Aging

    Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids?

    If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

    "How old are you?" "I’m four and a half!" You’re never thirty-six and a half. You’re four and a half, going on five! That’s the key.

    You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

    "How old are you?" "I’m gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you’re gonna be 16!

    And then the greatest day of your life – you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony – YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

    But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now, you’re Just a sour-dumpling. What’s wrong? What’s changed?

    You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it’s all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.

    But wait! You MAKE it to 60. You didn’t think you would!

    So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

    You’ve built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it’s a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

    You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn’t end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."

    Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I’m 100 and a half!" May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!