Teddy Burriss

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  • Going to a bar with the boys of Neutron

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    Back in the early 1980’s I worked at a radiation facility in Dickerson Md. named Neutron Products.

    Three of the guys I worked with became good friends.

    For the purposes of this story I am going to change the name of these guys so that I do not incriminate anyone.

    I worked with Steve on most of the plant construction of tanks and piping systems.
    I worked with Andy who did a lot of the design work and control systems in the plant.
    Dadiji was the plant manager who I eventually worked for as the assistant plant manager.

    We regularly got together at the local store and drank a beer or two in the parking lot at the end of the day. This was not discouraged by anyone, not even the local police.

    One afternoon we decided that we would get together at the end of the day and drive up to Frederick for dinner and drinks.

    I will let you imagine what kind of cold drinks this may have been, but remember this was MD, not NC.

    Steve drove us up to Frederick in his 1960’s Ford Falcon. This was a Pale blue car with a straight 6 cylinder engine and 3 speeds on the column.

    We got up to Frederick at around 6 or 7pm. We went to dinner at a local pub where I am sure I drank my share of beverages with the other guys. Dadiji on the other hand did not drink. I remember him yelling all night long to behave. It seems that as we drank our “beverages”, we got louder and louder. I am not sure why Dadiji wanted to go because I clearly remember (yeah right) he had a horrible time.

    Sometime around midnight Dadiji had had enough of our shenanigans and we finally agreed to go back down to Dickerson.

    Unfortunately the only one who was able to properly drive (sober), was Dadiji. He was not a very big guy compared to the rest of us, but he had the upper hand. He was sober and he wrangled the keys away from Steve.

    Dadiji got behind the wheel of Steve’s car and I got up front leaving Steve and Andy to get in the back.

    Now, here is where some of the chaos really starts to occur. Dadiji had never driven a manual transmission car, let alone one with the stick shift on the column.

    I had to council Dadiji how to push the clutch in, press the gas pedal when slowly letting out the clutch and how to find reverse and 1st gear. Despite all the grinding noises and the squeal of the clutch while he held the gas pedal to the floor, he actually caught on pretty quickly.

    We got out on the highway after about 15 minutes (we were 2 minutes away based on normal driving). Based on the high pitch squeal that the 6 cylinder was making as we drove down the highway and the fact that Dadiji was yelling, “won’t this thing go any faster?”, it was pretty clear that Dadiji was still in 1st gear.

    I yelled at him to push the stick up into 2nd gear, and after a few tries he did, with so much force I thought it would break off. The car lurched forward a little faster.

    For reasons I can’t explain, during the 30 minute trip down the highway I doze off most of the time.

    I do remember hearing two people yelling at each other over and over again.

    Steve kept yelling “3rd gear, get in 3rd gear you dumb A** (&^%$^%() idiot!”
    Dadiji kept yelling back, “Shut up you stupid A**(^&$%%($!@##$$+_) OLD Drunk!”

    At one point I woke up and again heard the squealing noises of the motor and realized that we had driven well over 30 miles down the highway in 2nd gear.

    Fortunately it was not my car. And, Steve was so drunk, he forgot all about it.

    Yes we got home safely after well over an hour on the road.
    Yes, the next time I went out with these guys, I was the Designated Driver.
    No, Dadiji never went out with us again.

    This has been another story shared by Teddy Burriss. I hope you enjoyed it.

    Thanks for taking time to read my blog feeds – Let me know what you want to hear about and I will do my best to provide even better content.

  • Get engaged Teddy’s way – wreck the car

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    In 1977 I was young and had lots of disposable cash. And lord knows I burned cash fast and hard.

    I had a good job and little or no bills, so I bought a 1973 Cutlass Supreme. This was a fun car. It looked good and screamed when I hit the gas pedal. It was my first big expensive purchase as an adult.

    I drove this car for about 6 months starting in the early summer of 1977. This was the summer that I met Rebecca Hoewing.

    I’m not going to get into how we met again or anything about our dating life (I got some stories here!). For the sake of this story, let’s go straight to the night that I got engaged.

    I picked Becky up at her brother’s house where she was living back then. We drove up to Frederick Maryland to have dinner. I can’t recall where we had dinner that night, but I do remember we talked a lot that night. We talked at dinner, as we walked the mall and then in front of the MacDonald’s where we stopped to get something else to drink.

    Now – I’m not yet comfortable telling everyone how we got engaged. I assure you it’s not an event that would have been on Worlds Best Engagements or even on Worlds Funnies Videos.

    We went to the local jewelry store and I broke the bank buying an engagement ring for Becky. Remember, this was 1977 and I no longer had lots of disposable cash because of the car and insurance payments.

    It was nearly midnight when we started heading back to Poolesville. The excitement of the evening wore both of us out. As we drove into town, both of us started falling asleep. (Point of concern here – I was behind the wheel).

    Becky was asleep beside me as I rounded the curve past the first church coming into town. I miscalculated the arc of the road and did not turn the wheel enough. The car went across the center line of the road and then off the road crashing into a telephone pole.

    We were very fortunate that the car was only moving at about 35 miles per hour. However, going from 35 mph to 0mph instantly, was still a big crash.

    Even though the car had them, back then we did not wear seatbelts. Becky’s face hit the windshield and the steering wheel plowed into my chest.

    I’m not sure, but I think Becky was knocked unconscious for a little while. I got out of the car and ran across the street to the closest house. They heard the crash and came running out. I asked them to call the ambulance and I went back to Becky.

    My chest was cut up a little bit, and Becky’s face was cut above the eye. Fortunately, no serious injuries at all.

    The Ambulance came and they took us to the emergency room to be checked out. Both of our parents came to get us. They did not know that we had gotten engaged that night.

    I had gotten engaged, lost my new hot rod car and put my fiancé to the test, all in less than 4 hours.

    When I tell this story, I jokingly say that I ignored the warning, and went ahead and got married. However, I truly believe that this accident was God’s first test for us as a couple. We struggled thru the physical and financial pain of the accident and went on to have an ongoing fabulous marriage.

    I don’t recommend this test for anyone; it was just another example of how Teddy handles challenges and then moves on to create happiness.

    This has been another story shared by Teddy Burriss. I hope you enjoyed it.

    Thanks for taking time to read my blog feeds – Let me know what you want to hear about and I will do my best to provide even better content.

  • Getting Arrested for drinking in public. No one will know.

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    Maybe you saw the story titled – Racing the Guy in my Chevy II.

    If you did then this is the next story about my antics in the Chevy II. This story showcases 4 mistakes I made.

    Sometime in mid 1977, I met up with some friends of mine at a skating rink in Gaithersburg Maryland.

    I had my Chevy II all cleaned up, the wheels shiny and rubber blacked out (I think I used Transmission fluid back then to black the tires.)

    I had my best silk shirt on, tight jeans and my best going out on the town shoes. I topped it all off with my green army jacket. On the back of the jacket I had one of my friends embroidery, ok, are you ready, here goes, “The Duece”. Hang onto that picture girls, it’s a good one.

    Anyway, I was going to meet up with my buddy Eddie and we were going to race our cars in the street in front of the skating rink. Mistake # 1 of 4

    Let me set the stage a little more. This place was full of teenage girls. There were a bunch of guys hanging out waiting to see some cars race, and a bunch of younger guys hanging out with the girls. Why did I decide to be one of the former, I will never know.

    I pulled up in front of the building and there was my buddy Eddie, without his car. I can’t remember what kind of car Eddie had, but I do remember it was a good race car, as far as race cars went for 18 year old guys with no money back in 1976.

    There were some other guys there with Mustangs, Chevelles, Chargers and some other hot rod wannabes.

    I had the only Chevy II and I knew it was not going to be the fastest car there.

    I may have had a little to drink that night, but I do remember racing at least one guy and I beat him. I think it was some guy in a Mustang with a stock 6 cylinder engine in it. I don’t think I actually won any money, just lots of back slapping and laughing at the other guy.

    We had to be careful because the cops cruised this area trying to keep the rowdy guys away from the skating rink. When we saw a cop car coming down the street we would shut down and get out of our cars. This is where I made Mistake # 2 of 4.

    When the first cop car came down the street, I got out of my car with a beer can in my army jacket pocket and I walked up to the front of the building where all the teenage girls were watching us.

    As I talked to a group of these kids, all of a sudden I got grabbed by a cop who had walked up behind me.

    I found out later on that the manager of the skating rink had called the cops and told them that there were a bunch of guys racing their cars and he specifically told them who to look for. The Deuce being one of the guys he mentioned. Remember, I had it on my jacket.

    If all I had done was race my car on the street he would have given me a warning and sent me home. But, as soon as he saw the beer can, it was all over. He had to arrest me. He handcuffed me and shoved me into the building where he wrote up the police report on me. No one else got arrested that night, likely because they were beer free when the cop showed up.

    Now, when the cops showed up, lots of people came running out of the skating rink. Everyone wanted to know what was going on. I could tell you that I was a well known Icon around town, or possibly a living legend driving the baby blue Chevy II. But, I best not stretch the truth so much that it smacks me in the face. However, the teenage girls in the crowd thought it was pretty cool that The Deuce was being arrested. Sort of put me in the “Bad Ass” category for a while, if I must say so myself.

    The cop had to get some information from the manager of the place, so it took a long time before he took me to his car to take me to the police station. While waiting he did tell me that the worst that was likely to happen would be a $25 fine. That would be $25 that I did not have.

    So, I asked Eddie and some of the other guys there to help me scrounge up $25. In the crowd was a guy named Gary, who was actually not a friend of mine at all, but we knew each other well. For reasons that I am not sure of, Gary started asking the teenagers to donate to help get The Deuce out of jail. Eddie and Gary walked thru the crowd and somehow or another, got together $25 for me. It was in dimes, quarters and a few $1 bills, but it was enough. Gary handed me his hat with the money in it just as the cop put me in his car.

    Here is where I made Mistake 3 of 4. Again, I am not sure why I did some of the things that I did that night, but I gave Eddie my car keys and told him that if I did not get back by midnight to take my car home.

    The cop drove me down to the police station, took me in the building and handcuffed me to a bench. He made me wait about an hour before he came back to me. When he got back, he took me over to a table and had me do the finger print thing.

    While getting printed another cop told him that he did not need to fingerprint me. So the cop tore up the papers and threw them in the trash. Think about this; I almost had my fingerprints on file. This could have changed my life forever, especially if I continued down this path of getting caught doing criminal activity.

    He gave me the police report to sign and then asked me for the $25. I gave him the hat. I thought he might count out the $25, but no, he scooped it all up and put it on the table. I know there was more than $25 in the hat. Maybe not much more, but at least enough to buy another beer or two.

    The cop was actually pretty cool. He asked me if I wanted a ride back to my car or to my home. I politely thanked him for the help and asked him to take me back to the skating rink. Really, I would have hated having him take me home. That would have been bad in many ways.

    We got into his cop car and this time I got to ride up front. The cop lectured me on the ride back and I promised him that he would never catch me drinking in public ever again.

    Now here is where discovered Mistake 3 of 4.

    By time I got back to my car it was well after midnight. The skating rink was closed and there was not a soul around. I thought my car was gone, but the cop spotted it at the far end of the street.

    Fortunately the car keys were on the floor board. Eddie was nowhere to be found. He must have gotten a ride back to his house with one of the other guys.

    I got in my car and did what I always did to start the car. Put the key in the ignition, pressed the clutch and grabbed for the gear shift. It was gone. I looked down on the floor and saw where the shifter was supposed to be. It was broken off. I looked around and found the broken shifter lying on the passenger side of the car. I had no idea what had happened, but the cop was gone by this time and I had to get my car home.

    I figured out that I could shift between 3rd and 4th gear, but I could not get into the other gears or reverse. I pushed the car back from the curb, put it into 3rd gear and with the engine racing hard, I slowly let the clutch out until it got moving fast enough to let off the gas and let the clutch all the way out. I knew it was chewing up the clutch plate, but I had no choice, unless I wanted to call a tow truck, and remember, I had no money.

    I was real lucky. It was 1am and there was no traffic on the road. I managed to get going fast enough to coast when I needed to slow down at stop signs, look all around for traffic (that did not exist) and scoot thru the intersections without stopping.

    I remember that I also cut up my fingers pulling on the shifting mechanism in and out of 3rd and 4th gear. But I got my car home, no one the wiser of what had happened that night. At least, this is what I thought.

    Sometime later that week Gary told my brother Fred about me racing, drinking in public and being arrested. Gary took the story even further by demanding that he be reimbursed for the $25 that he gave me to get out of jail.

    I only barely remember talking with Fred about this. Somehow or another I thought he had told my parents about this. Again, the memory is very spotty here, but I figured that Mom & Dad did not think it was a big deal since they never said anything to me about it.

    OK – Fast forward 30+ years. I went to visit my parents in Anderson SC. My mother and I were talking about raising kids and how proud she was of her children. She said that she was very proud that none of her kids ever got arrested.

    Mistake # 4 of 4 – I replied, “yeah, except that time I got arrested for racing and drinking in public.”

    You should have seen her face. She did not know about this. Fred never told anyone.

    For the past 30 years I had considered this minor criminal activity as a merit badge of sorts.

    My Mom thought it was horrible. Fortunately I did not get fingerprinted.

    Another story shared by Teddy Burriss. I hope you enjoyed it.

    Thanks for taking time to read my blog feeds – Let me know what you want to hear about and I will do my best to provide even better content.

  • Politically Correct Tidings

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    I have to wonder what I taught my kids when my oldest daughter (nearly 28 years old), publishes this on FB. Good one Myrtle. Keep up the shinanigans.

    My Politically Correct Tidings:

    Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all . . . and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only “America” in the Western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual orientation of the wishee.
    This wish is limited to the customary and usual good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first. “Holiday” is not intended to, nor shall it be considered, limited to the usual Judeo-Christian celebrations or observances, or to such activities of any organized or ad hoc religious community, group, individual or belief (or lack thereof). Nor is the use of the adjective “Happy” intended to demean, or otherwise cause harm in any way to any party diagnosed with clinical depression, or who may or may not feel that they should be diagnosed with said condition. Please consult your doctor, and/or attorney, before accepting the greeting contained herein.

    Note: By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher at any time, for any reason or for no reason at all. This greeting is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. This greeting implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for the wishee her/himself or others, or responsibility for the consequences which may arise from the implementation or non-implementation of same. Greeting is void where prohibited by law. “Happy Holidays!”

    Thanks for sharing Mrs. Alonzo.

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  • Benny the Snowman

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    This text came from a Christmas card a good friend of mine sent me from her business. I have thanked her for allowing me to share it with others.

    Picture a 6ft tall plastic Snowman with a carrot nose, coal buttons and eyes, a red scarf and black top hat.
    Benny is his name. A Snowman with a lot of soul.

    This year Benny was thrilled to be rented for the season by the biggest department store in town. He loved being in such public places, hearing the people chatting and the rustle of holiday packages.

    Throughout the pre-holiday festivities, however, something seemed off. The packages were fewer. And while he heard holiday greetings, Benny also heard a new word he found troubling.. “leastigottajob.”

    He thought it was a strange word. Not only was it usually spoken at the end of a conversation, but often it was spoken through a sigh. “Leastigottajob.”

    Maybe it means, “I’m tired,” Benny thought, but it seemed more than that.

    Maybe it means, “I’m disappointed,” he thought. This seemed more likely, because every time Benny heard the word spoken, it reminded him of the feeling he’d had on holidays when he’d been stuck in some back lot without even an outlet to plug his light into. Yep, if that’s what this word meant, he knew the feeling… “leastigottajob.”

    Now, if you’re a holiday decoration, your whole line of work is about getting people’s attention and making them smile. Benny knew what he was supposed to do. But with this “leastigottajob” thing going around, he just didn’t know how he was going to do it.

    That night, when all was dark and quiet, Benny made a wish on a wintry star for all his passersby. He wished that for every “leastigottajob” he heard, someone would be reminded that, this season, what they do is not as important as how they do it. For Benny had learned, the what speaks to all that we are able to do, but the how speaks to who we are.

    Believe in both what you do and how you do it.

    Thank you Benny and The Monaghan Group for sharing this story with us this year.

    Thanks for taking time to read my blog feeds – Let me know what you want to hear about and I will do my best to provide even better content.

  • Playing cop on I-270 in Maryland

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    In 1977 I drove down the highway in my Dad’s Chevy Blazer. It was a tall vehicle and I could see down into the cars I passed.

    My Dad pushed snow with the Blazer and had a big yellow hazard lights on the truck as well as on the front of the snow plow rigging.

    I think the light was one of those that turned around inside a plastic dome. If it was red or blue, it could be mistaken for an emergency or police light.

    I pulled up alongside a guy in a little car who was rolling weed in some papers. Weed as in Mary Jane, hashish or Marijuana.

    I slowed down, pulled up behind the guy and turned on all of the hazard lights.

    He looked up in the rearview mirror as I waved him off the road.

    He immediately started stuffing his weed into his mouth and drinking from a coke bottle (big glass bottle back then).

    It took about 1 minute for him to eat his weed, then he slowed down and pulled off the side of the road.

    I pulled up alongside his car, waved, laughed and drove off.

    To this day I feel bad for the guy. I would have hated to have to tell my buddies why I did not have any more weed.

    Thanks for taking time to read my blog feeds – Let me know what you want to hear about and I will do my best to provide even better content.

  • Eleven tips on getting more efficiency out of women employees – from 1943

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    The following is an excerpt from the July 1943 isue of Transportation Magazine.
    This was written for male supervisors of women in the work force during World War II.

    Eleven tips on Getting More efficiency out of women Employees. There’s no longer any question whether transit companies should hire women for jobs formerly held by men. The draft and manpower shortage has settled that point. The important things now are to select the most efficient women available and how to use them to the best advantage.

    Here are eleven helpful tips on the subject from Western Properties:
    1) Pick young married women. They usually have more of a sense of responsibility than their married sisters, they’re less likely to be flirtatious, they need the work or they would not be doing it, they still have the pep and interest to work hard and to deal with the public efficiently.

    2) When you have to use older women, try to get ones who have worked outside the home at some time in their lives. Older women who have never contacted the public have a hard time adapting themselves and are inclined to be cantankerous and fussy. It’s always well to impress upon older women the importance of friendliness and courtesy.

    3) General experience indicates that “husky” girls – those who are just a little on the heavy side – are more even tempered and efficient than their underweight sisters.

    4) Retain a physician to give each woman you hire a special physical examination – once covering female conditions. This step not only protects the property against the possibilities of lawsuit but reveals whether the employee to be has any female weaknesses which would make her mentally or physically unfit for the job.

    5) Stress at the outset the importance of time the fact that a minute or two lost here and there makes serious inroads on schedules. Unless this point is gotten across, service is likely to be slowed up

    6) Give the female employee a definite day-long schedule of duties so that they’ll keep busy without bothering the management for instructions every few minutes. Numerous properties say that women make excellent workers when they have their jobs cut out for them, but that they lack initiative in finding work themselves.

    7) Whenever possible, let the inside employee change from one job to another at some time during the day. Women are inclined to be less nervous and happier with change.

    8) Give every girl an adequate number of rest periods during the day. You have to make some allowances for feminine psychology. A girl has more confidence and is more efficient if she can keep her hair tidied, apply fresh lipstick and wash her hands several times a day.

    9) Be tactful when issuing instructions or in making criticisms. Women are often sensitive; they can’t shrug off harsh words the way men do. Never ridicule a woman – it breaks her spirit and cuts off her efficiency.

    10) Be reasonably considerate about using strong language around women. Even though a girl’s husband or father may swear vociferously, she’ll grow to dislike a place of business where she hears too much of this.

    11) Get enough size variety in operator’s uniforms so that each girl can have a proper fit. This point can’t be stressed too much in keeping women happy.

    Republished in Savy & Sage in their September/October 2007 magazine

    Another great story retold by Teddy Burriss – I hope you enjoyed it.

    Thanks for taking time to read my blog feeds – Let me know what you want to hear about and I will do my best to provide even better content.

  • How smart are you compared to these folks.

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    A friend of mine sent me this collection of quotes. I think you may enjoy them as well

    Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
    Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,” –Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

    “Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.” –Mariah Carey

    “Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life,” — Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign .

    “I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,” –Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

    “Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,” –Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

    “That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it,” –A congressional candidate in Texas .

    “Half this game is ninety percent mental.” –Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

    “It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.” –Al Gore, Vice President

    “I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix .” — Dan Quayle

    “We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?” –Lee Iacocca

    “The word “genius” isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.” –Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

    “We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.” — Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

    “Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.” –Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina

    “Traditionally, most of Australia ‘s imports come from overseas.” –Keppel Enderbery

    “If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.” –Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

    Another great story from Teddy Burriss – I hope you enjoyed it.

    Thanks for taking time to read my blog feeds – Let me know what you want to hear about and I will do my best to provide even better content.

  • Do you know the History of Manure?

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    Manure: In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before commercial fertilizer’s invention, so large shipments of manure were common.

    It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen.

    Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!

    Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening.

    After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term ‘Ship High In Transit ‘ on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.

    Thus evolved the term ‘ S.H.I.T ‘, (Ship High In Transit) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.

    Another story from Teddy Burriss – I hope you enjoyed this information

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  • Networking – Teddy Style

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    These are my notes for a speech that I gave to a group of job seekers in July 2009

    First things First – Let me tell you what I think Networking is

    I define Networking as the “Act of finding, developing and nurturing relationships that can mutually move people forward thru life.”

    Ok, we know there are lots of different Networking tools and we use these tools for

    Social Networking – Face Book & My Space

    Business Networks – LinkedIn, Plaxo, Twitter, etc

    Job Search Networks – Monster, CareerBuilder, Hot Jobs, Dice, etc, etc

    Relationship Networks – Eharmony, Match.com, Friend Finder, Great Expectations, SugarDaddie, IDate, OK that’s enough, you get the point and I struggle keeping track of all these passwords anyway..

    These tools play a role in the task of Networking for personal, professional and/or career reasons.

    However Real Networking is Face-Face.

    I believe that Networking is important in life. Because the alternative to Mutually moving forward thru life is something none of us want, as I am sure you can attest.

    We all do it Subconsciously and Consciously every day of our lives.

    We started this activity when we were in Pre-School and Kindergarten.

    In these classes we actually use the phrase –

    “Will you be my friend” or “Will you play with me”
    And even, “I’ll invite you to my birthday party if you play with me now”
    Even in kindergarten, Mutually moving people forward thru life.

    We continued Networking in High School – but I assure you, we didn’t call it that.

    We joined clubs, Youth Groups and even specific classes, with the primary intention of being a part of a group, to be with people who had similar interest or to meet people of the “Opposite Sex”.

    A friend of mine told me that he joined the debate club to be friends with a boy whose father owned the local pizza joint and he wanted to get a job there. It worked. My friend joined the debate club, worked hard for the club and then was able to get help from the other kid.

    Finding, developing and nurturing relationships that can mutually move people forward thru life.

    In college we joined fraternities and clubs to meet people who had similar interests or could help us move forward with our goals.

    Maybe the goals started out simple and shallow (beer, girls), but as we matured in college we turned these activities into meeting people who could help us with our classes and move us forward in our degrees and then into internships and jobs.

    Again, Finding, developing and nurturing relationships that can mutually move people forward thru life.

    Once we get into the business world, we continue networking.

    As a business developer in the sales world, I network all different ways, in order to find people or businesses that can benefit from my services or goods, and I from theirs. Done properly, it works.

    Networking is by far one of the most important activities that I feel has helped propel me in my professional and business life.

    Networking works as long as you have people to network with. These people do not pop out of the wood work and none of us like cold calling to meet people (even though I do this periodically)

    Networking as I have defined it (mutually moving people forward thru life) works best with an actively growing Circle of Contacts.

    Your circle of contacts starts with your family and friends and continues with every business, group and person you meet in life. You need to be constantly growing your circle of contacts and keeping track of them all. And I don’t mean collect business cards.

    I have a large Circle of Contacts. To some degree or another I know them and they know me.

    I have some form of a relationship with every contact in my circle of contacts.

    The relationship does not have to be personal and it does not have to be direct business.

    Hopefully most of your contacts you know personally and or directly from a business perspective. Even better, knowing your business contacts personally really creates a strong relationship. This does not happen overnight and requires that you reach out to your business contacts for stuff beyond business. There are lots of ideas, some work for me; others will only work for you.

    However – there will be contacts that you do not know personally and will only know them professionally and maybe not very well. But you do need to know enough about them to understand them and what value you have for them and what value they have for you. Otherwise they are just names in your Circle of Contacts and have no meaningful value to you or them.

    You also need to contact the people in your Circle of contacts as often as possible and appropriate. This varies person to person and based on your relationship. However, they all have to be touched at least a few times a year. Even if just with a simple note or email saying hello and asking them how they are doing.

    Otherwise they will forget who you are and what you do and you could forget them and what they do. Knowing each other, even in the basic of ways is what creates the relationship and this happens thru getting together, talking, sharing, etc.

    I call it touching.

    And, you must be willing to help your contacts when they ask for it, either directly or indirectly by introducing them to others in your circle that may be able to help them.

    Mutually moving people forward thru life.

    I have many different types of relationship with my contacts and I touch them in different ways and frequencies.

    My Family, Close Friends, Fellow Coworkers and Regular Business contacts are my most active Circle of Contacts. I touch these folks daily, weekly and/or monthly.

    My Former Coworkers, Infrequent Business contacts, Distant Friends and Distant Business Associates are what I call my weak ties. I got this phrase from a book I just read. I touch these people at least a few times a year.

    They are an important part of my Circle of Contacts. – I’ll explain why in a moment.

    I also have a group that I call my Nope List – These are contacts that I will not do business with, or recommend. They are in my list so that I can keep in touch with them. Sort of the old adage, keep your friends close and enemies closer kind of thing.

    For your Circle of Contacts to have any value for you and for them, you & they have to be willing to participate in “mutually moving forward thru life”.

    Most of the people in my Nope List don’t understand this and I can’t help them.

    Back to the weak ties – Here is an example why weak ties should be important to you:

    In the book – The Tipping point, Malcolm Gladwell refers to a study that said:

    56% of a survey group found their current job thru a personal contact

    Now here is the really interesting number – of the 56% only 17% of these actually “touched” these personal contacts on a regular basis.

    They got their jobs thru their Weak Ties.

    Never discount your distant friends, former coworkers or distant business contacts.

    If you network well within your full circle of contacts, any one of them could help you with your need or desire.

    Here is an example – My march of Dimes work

    1) I send an email out every year looking for Chili Judges for an event I am a part of. Every year 100 people help me with this and most of them are my weak ties
    2) I send another email out every year asking for donations to my yearly charity. 50 people send me money every year and again, most of them are my weak ties and they are not the Chili Judges.

    Because I truly believe that we “mutually move people forward thru life” – if any of these folks ask me to help them in any way – I never disappoint them. I do the best I can to help them out either directly or by sharing their need and desires with my circle of contacts.

    Mutually moving people forward thru life is a 2-way street.

    It’s also important to keep in mind – If you want to mutually move forward thru life – keep expanding this circle of Contacts.

    Keith Ferrazzi wrote a book Titled “Never Eat Alone”

    Who has read it?

    If you have not, go to the library and borrow it – it is well worth reading for anyone who wants to mutually move forward thru life.

    Ferrazzi says that the best way to expand your Circle of Contacts is to help someone and more specifically, help them personally. And he says that when you offer to help someone, you must do it Immediately and Completely.

    He goes on to say that as you expand your Circle of Contacts you are directly expanding your personal and professional opportunities, exponentially.

    Here is an example – Dad of College Grad asking me to help his son.

    Networking is finding, developing and nurture relationships that can mutually move people forward thru life.

    I boldly network every waking hour. Ask my wife, she hates it, but she knows it is who I am.

    I believe that by regularly meeting new and different people, we benefit from the natural effect of “an auto expanding circle of contacts”

    Different is more important than just new. You need to know people, who are not like you, don’t have the same interests, from different states, industries and cultures. If the only people you know are people like you, then for the most part the only things in life you will ever experience are the same things you do now.

    Variety is not just the spice of life, but the spice of new jobs, new careers, and new business opportunities. Variety is what keeps your Circle of Contacts expanding with the greatest value.

    I traveled for many years where I met people from all walks of life and lots of different industries.

    Each time I left a city, I would guarantee there was at least one person in that City who would never forget Teddy Burriss. I strived to leave a good impression everywhere I went.

    However, I am human and I am a man, there are probably a few memories out there of something foolish I did. But, I assure you, these memories are few and far between, and my picture has never hung in a post office.

    I know that by leaving a good impression, one day the people who remembered me, could possibly help me or need my help. Again, mutually moving people forward thru life.

    Here is one example – 20 years ago I did some development work for a guy in Abington Va. I didn’t do any work for him since then. 5 years ago, he needed help with this software, and I couldn’t help him, so I introduced him to someone that I knew was still using that old development tool. He offered to pay me for finding the help he got. I said thanks anyway. I told him that maybe I’ll need his help one day.

    Last year he gave me a $100 donation to one of my charitable causes and I’m sure if he can, he will do it again this year.

    Networking has to be mutually Beneficial or it will fail.

    We may enjoy saying “It’s all about ME!!”, but it can’t be.

    Networking has to be a 2-way street, and according to many experts – it has to be more about the other person.

    Here is an important point about how to treat your Circle of Contacts, again the people who should be a part of mutually moving you forward thru life.

    Your credibility is vital to your circle of contacts – never jeopardize it.

    Be fair, polite and care for your contacts as you hope they will do for you.

    And ask them if they need anything and be ready to help them immediately and completely.

    Over time your circle of contacts will grow into great relationships of people who you trust and who trust you.

    And – Never be the one who burns the bridge.

    Here is an example of why you never burn a bridge:

    Interviewed a guy who disappeared on me.

    I have a good relationship with this guy now and have had numerous opportunities to work with him and others that he has introduced me to since then.

    Your Circle of Contacts will change regularly, hopefully increasing more than you can imagine right now.

    Now let me try to bring this home for everyone.

    My points are:
    · Networking with a Growing Circle of Contacts is vital to your personal and professional growth
    · Networking is face-face (Networking tools help you to meet and virtually touch your contacts)
    · Your circle of contacts needs to be expanding constantly with new and different people, people from the past and your Weak Ties.
    · Be willing to help others with any request they put to you, whether directly or indirectly by introducing them to others in your circle of contacts, Immediately and Completely.
    · Never be the one to burn a bridge

    When your business life get’s interrupted and you start looking for new careers, new jobs or business opportunities, your Networking can help you directly now.

    How do we grow our Circle of Contacts and benefit from Mutually moving forward in life:

    Use the Network tools –LinkedIn, Twitter and Facebook and Networking groups to find new contacts that you can develop and nurture into mutual relationships.

    Get out, meet people, call your circle of contacts and have coffee, lunch, sweet tea or an after 5 drink with them.

    Ask your circle of contacts to personally introduce you to new contacts that they feel can help you either directly or indirectly. You have to ASK!

    Expand your circle of contacts with new and more importantly different contacts.

    Share your needs and desires with your Circle of Contacts, especially your weak ties.

    And, most importantly, ask them what you can do to help them and if they have a need that you can help them with – do it, and do it before you do anything else.

    Face-face networking will get you a job far faster than any other activity you could be doing.

    Don’t waste a lot of time on the job boards or jump out of bed dying to read the newspaper to find a job listing that you can send your resume to.

    Don’t send resume after resume to blind email addresses of fax numbers hoping and praying for an interview.

    It’s not easy and it takes a leap of faith in yourself.

    5 years ago I would never have been able to stand in front of you telling you to do this. But I made the decision back then that I had to find a new job and the only way I could do it was to Network. This started me on the path of building a great Circle of Contacts and as a result, my sales career has been far more rewarding than I could have ever expected.

    Networking is the “Act of finding, developing and nurturing relationships that can mutually move people forward thru life.”

    Take your networking to Whole Nother Level – and I can almost promise it will help move you forward thru life sooner than you can imagine right now.

    Thanks for taking time to read my blog feeds – Let me know what you want to hear about and I will do my best to provide even better content.

  • Worry

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    I got this story from a friend of mine, and as you have seen before – I found it worthy to share.

    WORRY

    Is there a magic cutoff period when offspring become accountable for their own actions?

    Is there a wonderful moment when parents can become detached spectators in the lives of their children and shrug, ‘It’s their life,’ and feel nothing?

    When I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital corridor waiting for doctors to put a few stitches in my daughter’s head. I asked, ‘When do you stop worrying?’ The nurse said, ‘When they get out of the accident stage.’ My Dad just smiled faintly and said nothing.

    When I was in my thirties, I sat on a little chair in a classroom and heard how one of my children talked incessantly, disrupted the class, and was headed for a career making license plates. As if to read my mind, a teacher said, ‘Don’t worry, they all go through this stage and then you can sit back, relax and enjoy them.’ My dad just smiled faintly and said nothing.

    When I was in my forties, I spent a lifetime waiting for the phone to ring, the cars to come home, the front door to open. A friend said, ‘they’re trying to find themselves. Don’t worry, in a few years, you can stop worrying. They’ll be adults.’ My dad just smiled faintly and said nothing.

    By the time I was 50, I was sick & tired of being vulnerable. I was still worrying over my children, but there was a new wrinkle. There was nothing I could do about it. My Dad just smiled faintly and said nothing.

    I continued to anguish over their failures, be tormented by their frustrations and absorbed in their disappointments.

    My friends said that when my kids got married I could stop worrying and lead my own life. I wanted to believe that, but I was haunted by my dad’s warm smile and his occasional, ‘You look pale. Are you all right? Call me the minute you get home. Are you depressed about something?’

    Can it be that parents are sentenced to a lifetime of worry? Is concern for one another handed down like a torch to blaze the trail of human frailties and the fears of the unknown? Is concern a curse or is it a virtue that elevates us to the highest form of life?

    One of my children became quite irritable recently, saying to me, ‘Where were you? I’ve been calling for 3 days, and no one answered. I was worried.’

    I smiled a warm smile.

    This has been yet another story shared with you by Teddy Burriss – I hope you enjoyed it.

    Thanks for taking time to read my blog feeds – Let me know what you want to hear about and I will do my best to provide even better content.

  • My version of the New Salesman

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    Here is yet another story that I enjoyed modifying.

    I moved from North Carolina to Florida and looking for a new job, I went to one of those big everything-under-one-roof department store.

    The Manager asked, ‘Do you have any sales experience?’

    I replied ‘Yeah. I was a salesman back in North Carolina.’

    Well, the boss liked me and gave me the job. ‘You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.’ My first day on the job was rough, but I got through it.

    After the store was locked up, the boss came down. ‘How many customers bought something from you today?’

    I said, ‘One.’

    The boss says, ‘Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?’

    I said, ‘$101,237.65.’

    The boss says, ‘$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?’

    I said, ‘First, I sold him a small fish hook.

    Then I sold him a medium fishhook.

    Then I sold him a larger fishhook.

    Then I sold him a new fishing rod.

    Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so wewent down to the boat department, and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft.

    Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so Itook him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4×4 Expedition.’

    The boss said ‘A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?’

    I said, ‘No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot, you should go fishing’

    Another story shared with you by Teddy Burriss – I hope you enjoyed it.

    Thanks for taking time to read my blog feeds – Let me know what you want to hear about and I will do my best to provide even better content.

  • My version of Parking Ticket

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    Here is another old one that again, I modified and think it’s funny enough to share

    The other day I went downtown to run a few errands. I went into the local coffee shop for a snack.

    I was only there for about 5 minutes, and when I came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

    I said to him, ‘Come on, man, how about giving a retired person abreak?’

    He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. His insensitivity annoyed me, so I called him a ‘Nazi.’

    He glared at me and then wrote out another ticket for having worn tires.

    So I proceeded to call him a ‘doughnut eating Gestapo.’

    He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.

    Then he wrote a third ticket when I called him a ‘moron in blue.’

    This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I talked back to him the more tickets he wrote.

    Personally, I didn’t really care.

    My car was across the street. The car that he was putting the tickets on had one of those bumper stickers that said, ‘Baby on Board’ – I hate these bumper stickers.

    I try to have a little fun each day now that I’m heading toward retirement.

    The doctor tells me that it’s important for my health.

    Another story shared with you by Teddy Burriss – I hope you enjoyed it.

    Thanks for taking time to read my blog feeds – Let me know what you want to hear about and I will do my best to provide even better content.

  • My version of $50 is $50

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    This is an old one, but I modified it to fit me and thought it funny enough to share with you.

    Teddy and his wife Becky went to the state fair every year, and every year Teddy would say, ‘Becky, I’d like to ride in that helicopter.’

    Becky always replied, ‘I know Teddy, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.’

    One year Becky and Teddy went to the fair, and Teddy said, ‘Becky, I’m 85 years old. If I don’t ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.’

    To this, Becky replied, ‘Teddy that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.’

    The pilot overheard the couple and said, ‘Folks I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don’t say a word I won’t charge you a penny!But if you say one word it’s fifty dollars.’

    Teddy and Becky agreed and up they went.

    The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.

    When they landed, the pilot turned to Teddy and said, ‘By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn’t. I’m impressed!’

    Teddy replied, ‘Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Becky fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!’

    Another story shared with you by Teddy Burriss – I hope you enjoyed it.

    Thanks for taking time to read my blog feeds – Let me know what you want to hear about and I will do my best to provide even better content.

  • Racing the guy in my Chevy II

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    Back in 1977 I think I swindle my big brother out of the 1966 Chevy II that he built. It had a Chevy big block 350 jammed in it with a 4 speed Muncie transmission, hushtrush mufflers up under the chassis, bucket seats up front, a Hurst Shifter and some really cool shag carpet on the floor board. Remember boys and girls, this was 1977.

    One of these days I’ll have to ask my big bro to explain to me how I ended up with his car. I think I paid him $600 bucks for it, or maybe, I was supposed to.

    The car was baby blue and all of the chrome was in great shape. It had big Cragar wheels on the back and thin wheels up front. This car would scream down the road. At one point we put a 6 pack on top of the engine. This is 3 2-barrell carburetors on a special intake manifold. Damn, that car would fly.

    Anyway, I had I a blast in this car. There are at least five good stories that I am willing to share about this car. One is the night I raced some dude in a big bad pickup truck.

    I pulled up to a stop sign in Dickerson Maryland, probably around 2 or 3 in the morning and likely after one of my trips to Frederick where you could find a lot of good cold beer and some fun.

    This dude in the pickup truck pulled up on the left side of my car at the stop sign. He had his girl friend right next to him on the bench seat and I could see he was hoping to impress her with his big bad truck. He yelled something about being big and bad and how my baby blue car looked like a sissy car. I ignored him for about 10 seconds before I looked over at him. His girl friend was pointing at my car and laughing with him about how small it was compared to his big truck. I asked him if he knew what kind of motor they put in 66 Chevy IIs. He laughed and said about all you could get in one of them sissy cars would be a 6 cylinder with a 1 barrel carburetor and a 3 speed transmission. I laughed at him and then I punched the gas and let go of the clutch.

    I know I left about 15 feet of rubber on the road before I hit second gear and then onto 3rd and 4th gear and up to about 90 miles an hour pretty quickly. Fortunately for me I knew the road I was on and it was pretty straight all the way to the next town. It went had plenty of hills on it, but no sharp turns so I felt good doing 90 at night.

    After driving about a quarter of a mile in 4th gear, I backed off the gas.

    By then the truck was right on my rear bumper. The truck was jacked up and this put his head lights right in my rear view mirror and eyes. For a moment it blinded me and I crossed the center line right about the time the truck shifted to the left so that he could try to pass me. I almost ran him off the road before I recovered and pulled back to the right.

    I dropped back into 3rd gear, punched the gas and quickly passed the truck again as I headed up the hill into the next town.

    I pulled up the hill and to the next stop sign. Within a few seconds the truck pulled up beside me and the dude got out of the truck cussing up a storm. At first I thought that he was pissed off that the Sissy car beat him and embarrassed him in front of his girl friend, but no, he was fired up that I nearly ran him off the road. Even though it was dark, I could see his face was blood red and he had veins popping out of his neck. Not a good sight. Somewhat scary, if you know what I mean.

    He walked toward me cussing me up one side and down another and wanted me to get out of my car so that he could kick my butt. I decided to stay in the car.

    However, I failed to wind up the window and the dude walked up to my car and smashed me in the eye thru the window. Now, I’ve been hit before, but I did not see that one coming. He cold-cocked me just like you see in the movies, except I did not have a stuntman sitting in for me.

    Back then I weighed about 150 pounds, soaking wet and carrying a case of beer. But, that night I had my fair share of beer and I just raced my car down a country road at about 90 mph. The adrenalin was pumping.

    The guy started to walk away as I popped the clutch, killing the engine of my car. I opened my door and jumped up toward the dude as his girl friend started screaming for him to get back in the truck. He must have been hen pecked, because he continued toward his door and ignored the fact that I was yelling at him and heading his way.

    Even though it was likely 2 or 3 am, a car headed up the hill toward us and somehow or another, we all realized that we needed to get out of the street at this time. The fight was over before I even got a chance to try to throw my first blow.

    When he pulled his door shut, his girl friend continued yelling at him for being an idiot. I turned and made fast tracks back to my car. As I sat down in my car the dude punch the gas of his big old truck and they flew down the road. I fired up my car and pulled off figuring I needed to get home before I got into any more trouble.

    I never saw that guy or his truck again.

    I guess I got real lucky that night. I tangled with a big ole boy and even though I got a big black eye out of it, I was lucky I didn’t get my butt kicked any worse. I’m not sure who was in the other car that pulled up behind us, but I owe them for the way that night ended.

    I promised myself that I would never race my car ever again. Of course, I didn’t keep that promise, as you’ll hear in other stories.

    Another story shared with you by Teddy Burriss. I hope you enjoyed it.

    Thanks for taking time to read my blog feeds – Let me know what you want to hear about and I will do my best to provide even better content.

  • The horror of Wife Bashing one liners.

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    Here is a series of Wife Bashing statements that I am absolutely appalled to have read.

    Someone who at one time I thought was a really good friend of mine sent them to me. I am starting to wonder if this person is really as good of a friend as I thought.

    I am sharing these with you because I want you to see firsthand what some men are actually saying about their wifes. Again, I am appalled that they would publicly make these statements.

    Please read them and then pause for a moment of silence for the poor souls who authored these statements.

    When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
    By David Bissonette

    After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.
    By Sacha Guitry

    By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
    By Socrates

    Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
    By Anonymous

    The great question, which I have not been able to answer is, “What does a woman want?”
    By Dumas

    I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
    By Sigmund Freud

    Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candle light, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
    By Anonymous

    There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.
    By Sam Kinison

    I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn’t.
    By James Holt McGavra

    Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: Whenever you’re wrong, admit it and whenever you’re right, shut up.
    By Patrick Murra

    The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once
    By Nash

    You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
    By Anonymous

    My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
    By Henny Youngman

    A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
    By Rodney Dangerfield

    A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: ‘Wife wanted’. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: ‘You can have mine.’
    By Anonymous

    First Guy (proudly): ‘My wife’s an angel!’ Second Guy: ‘You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.’
    By Anonymous

    Are you as appalled as I am? I hope you are

    Another story shared with you by Teddy Burriss. I hope you enjoyed it.

    Thanks for taking time to read my blog feeds – Let me know what you want to hear about and I will do my best to provide even better content.

  • My Plans to do nothing

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    I am going on vacation at the end of this month.

    I am going with my family and friends and they have all been properly informed of my plan to do nothing.

    This is what I have told them.

    I am going on vacation at the end of this month and I plan to do nothing. Nothing at all.

    I expect to do nothing on the patio, on the deck, on the dock and on the boat. It is possible I may do nothing in the house, but only if the weather becomes non-conducive to doing nothing outside.

    You can assist with me with this important plan of doing nothing by providing assistance in the mundane daily tasks that seem to need someone’s attention. Tasks such as feeding others, fueling the boat, icing the beer, managing the cigar humidor and caring for your own or other people’s self-perceived emergencies.

    Additionally, please have meals ready and a cold beer within my reaching distance (no stretching allowed).

    Recently I heard that all of you are making plans. I wish you well with your plans as long as they do not conflict with my plan to do nothing.

    Please do not forget, I plan to do nothing.

    Please do not worry about me as you fulfill your plans, since I can perform plan of doing nothing without any direct help from anyone else.

    Furthermore, you do not need to plan to be with me while I work on my plan of doing nothing.

    Actually, I believe that I can better complete my plan of doing nothing if you are doing something else, somewhere else.

    Normally, this would be assumed; however since most of you are not members of the man club, I would not expect you to know this by default.

    Once I complete my plans of doing nothing, I may participate in other plans, especially if they include some form of doing little or nothing.

    However; there is really no earthly way I will participate in any plans that include doing anything that does not include doing nothing.

    Please feel free to share any other input related to properly doing nothing?

    Another story by Teddy Burriss. I hope you enjoyed it.

    Thanks for taking time to read my blog feeds – Let me know what you want to hear about and I will do my best to provide even better content.

  • Never let the bar maid answer your cell phone

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    During the mid 1990’s and thru 2005 I traveled these great United States fairly regularly. I’ll share more stories about my great adventures on the road as I continue working on these stories.

    I spent a lot of time in Ohio cities like Cincinnati, Wilmington, Cherry Valley, and Cleveland working with Grass seed distributors. One adventure had me in Ohio on a business trip late one winter and I had decided that on this trip I would make the drive north from Wilmington up thru Dayton to Lima Ohio. At that time I had an Aunt and Uncle up there and I had not seen them in years.

    I don’t recall exactly what year it was, but I do know that it was winter and snowing in Ohio. I had a full week of work to do in Wilmington, but I figured if I worked long and hard on Thursday I could afford to take off on Friday. So that is exactly what I did.

    I left Wilmington late Thursday evening for the 2 hour drive north. Little did I know that the people in Ohio drive differently than we do in North Carolina. You see, down south, we drive the same in the sun, rain or snow. And because of this, we have more accidents in the snow. In Ohio, they slow down in the snow. Now, this may be good for reducing accidents, but it sure makes a mess of a 2 hour drive. It took well over 4 hours to get to Lima that night.

    For those of you who know me, you know that I don’t drink and drive. But, get me to where I want to be after a long hard day and I will have an ice cold beer every time.

    I pulled into Lima and into the parking lot of the hotel at nearly midnight. I found my hotel pretty easily (even before the days of GPS). I parked my car, grabbed my overcoat, cell phone and duffle bag. Another fact for those of you who do not know me, I can travel on most business trips for up to 5 days in a duffle bag. I got good at packing tight and light.

    After checking in I walked directly to the bar, probably about 5 stools away from the only other guy at the bar. The barmaid walked over to me and greeted me with a cordial “hello sir, what can I get you?” I asked for a Heineken, which was my beer of choice back in the 1990’s. I peeled off my overcoat and hung it across the bar stool to my right.

    The guy to my left said hello and we started a conversation about the weather. I had my beer and continued chatting with the guy. Our conversation picked up and I decided to move over next to him so that we could talk easier. I left my coat where it was. This was my big mistake.

    I believe that the guy told me he too was traveling to Lima on business and had got caught in the traffic and snow coming up from Cleveland. It is also likely that I ordered another beer or two from the barmaid as we continued to talk.

    Here is where I set myself up to get in trouble. At some point I heard a cell phone ring, but I did not think it was mine, so I ignored it. It was after all, midnight and I knew that no one was looking for me. However, the barmaid thought it was important to find the ringing cell phone and answer it, even if it was my cell phone in my overcoat 4 or 5 bar stools away from where I sat.

    She reached over the bar, dug around in my coat pocket and pulled out my cell phone, which at this time had started to ring again. She flipped open the phone and said “Hello, who is this?”

    All you need to know from this point forward is that my wife did not like the fact that she called my cell at midnight and some woman answered it. I immediately paid my bar tab, grabbed my cell phone and overcoat and headed out of the bar, towards my room frantically returning the call to my wife to no avail. She did not talk to me until later that day and it took quite a bit of discussion to convince her of the truth.

    Years have gone by since that night in Lima and I never let my cell phone out of my sight, especially while at a bar.

    Another story by Teddy Burriss. I hope you enjoyed it.

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  • My Grandfather: Horace Burriss

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    Editor Note –This story was first written in 1998 by one of Horace Burriss’ granddaughters, Tina Carbaugh of Norcross GA. I have recieved permission to republish this story in my blog, because Horace Burriss is my Grandpa too.

    My maternal grandfather turns ninety years old this year. Ninety! When grandpa was born, Theodore Roosevelt was President of the United States. This is the same President who fought in the Spanish American War and the same man who became president because of William McKinley’s assassination. I think back to my school days, the long history classes where I yawned at anything that happened before I was born. Now, thanks to my Grandfather, what I once perceived as ancient history I now see as current events.

    Being the patriarch of the family is a big responsibility. He carries memories of our family history that he can share or take to his grave never to be expresses. When my grandmother, his first wife, was alive she was full of life and memories that she was more than willing to share with anyone who would listen. My Grandfather on the other hand takes a little cajoling to get a story out of him, so people want to listen.

    I remember my grandmother telling me the story how she and Grandpa met. She was fifteen and he was twenty-one. She told me they were neighbors and he would sit with her under this big apple tree she had in her yard. The Andrew Sister’s “Don’t Sit under the Apple Tree” became their song. When Grandpa tells the story he can only remember that Grandma was cute with curly hair and how he would throw stones into her yard to get her attention and “Oh yea, I think our song was “Don’t sit under the Apple Tree”. There should be more details to this love story. After all they were married for fifty-three years. I was twenty-one when Grandma died. I guess I just was not at the age to appreciate family history or I would have asked more questions when she told her stories. I have no doubt he loved Grandma. I remember when Grandma died, Grandpa went into his bedroom shut his door and called his sister in South Carolina and cried. I had never heard my Grandfather cry before and I have not seen him cry since.

    Grandpa has always lived a practical life. I think he chooses to live his life frill free because he knows no other. He comes from an era where he lived life as it came. There were no fantasies of growing up to become a doctor or lawyer or even winning the lottery; there was no time because keeping the family fed and clothed took all the energy and time of the whole family. When asked if he has any regrets in his life he responds with a quick and gruff “no”. I asked if he regretted only receiving a seventh grade education or perhaps not going to college and he says he feels he had enough education to do what needed to be done and he did not have any use for any more.

    He grew up in South Carolina on a cotton farm. The farmhouse void of the sounds of a television or telephone and to read the evening newspaper took the light of a kerosene lamp. It was Grandpa’s job to light the kerosene lamps at dusk and to light the wood stove at dawn. Their first family car was a 1917 Model T Ford, prior to that they depended upon a team of horses for transportation. He had three older brothers, one older sister, and two younger sisters. When asked about his parents he remembers his mother as sweet and gentle and his father, to quote Grandpa “oh, he was OK”. Then he proceeded to tell me how he received three “whoopins” from his father. Once he was punished for smoking, actually not for the act of smoking, but for lying about it, another time for not watering the horses, and one more time for throwing something at a “colored person”.

    Entertainment consisted of making whistles out of tree limbs and trying to stay out of trouble. He still laughs when he thinks of the times he and his cousin used to place old shoes in boxes and throw them in the street and go hide in the woods so they could watch people pick up the box and run thinking they found a treasure. Baseball was another pass time. In fact he brags about how he was invited to pitch for the City of Anderson but did not have the transportation so he had to pass up the offer. Baseball is still his passion and he watches it today on his television and reads the sports pages every day.

    For reasons he cannot remember they lost the family farm and they moved to “town” when he was sixteen or seventeen. He took a job for the State Highway Administration counting cars. He would sit along the road and count the vehicles that passed by. In town, he lived across the street from my Grandmother. He married her when she was fifteen and they moved to Maryland. I asked my Grandmother what her mother said about her marrying at such a young age and Great Grandma said “Eva, you made your bed and now you have to lay in it.” Six children and fifty-three years she lay in that bed she made. Marriage was another one of those things that their generation had taught them to deal with the hand they were given. No use to complain or go to a marriage counselor. Now, they had a family that needed to be fed and housed, and each family member played an important role to keep the family going. Once again there was not time for frivolous “what if” fantasies. Divorce was never an option. It was legal and it happened but in was never an option for them. They did not look at life as an array of opportunity. You were born, married had children, grand children, and then died.

    I am intrigued with society’s growth in technology and behavior in his lifetime. When he was born the world seemed so huge and out of reach but with the inventions of jets, fast cars, telephones and televisions, the world became smaller. He grew up in a time where only the elite or rich had things that the average person takes for granted today. Others may beg to differ but I do not remember him ever starting a conversation with “When I was a kid we had to walk six miles to school in our bare feet.” The closest thing he came to a story like that is “When I was a kid my folks would not let me watch television for a week to punish me for any ill behavior.” It wasn’t until I was older that I realized the joke in what he was saying. I am sure in a circuitous way that was his way of telling younger generations not to take for granted what they have.

    Our behavioral growth shows in the thought that if he was born fifty years later society would not have let a twenty-one year old marry a fifteen year old girl. Today they call it statutory rape. He would not have been allowed to drop out of school with only a seventh grade education and today people frown upon parents “whoopin” their kids. Any of these offenses could have landed him in jail or a booking on the Ricki Lake Show.

    My Grandfather is a sharp man. His memory has not declined with age but, because of his lack of education and self-centered ways I don’t think he realizes the history that has gone on around him in the past 90 years. He has lived through two World Wars, Vietnam, Korea, and Desert Storm, the Stock Market Crash of 1929 and 1987. The Depression, and seventeen presidents. When I say self-centered, I don’t mean to imply he is only thinking of himself but that he was raised in a time where taking care of the family was the paramount reason for living. What was going on in the rest of the country was of no concern of his unless it affected feeding his family. When I asked him how the Depression affected him his only response was “Sugar was hard to find.” I reminded him of the wars he lived through and he only brought up one – the “German War”. His favorite President was Franklin Roosevelt because he remembers people getting jobs and help through food stamps.

    I asked many people to tell me about Horace Burriss. I asked his kids, brother In-law and even grandchildren and everyone had the impression of him; They see him as a harsh and opinioned man. They all had stories of him being short tempered over something minor or being the butt of one of his jokes. My aunt thru marriage, remembers Grandpa teasing her because she was Catholic, she ran upstairs crying and when she came back down he apologized for his behavior. Later, my Grandmother told Aunt Pat to consider herself Lucky because he has never apologized to anyone. My Mother told me that when she would come home from school she would go find her Mother and ask her what kind of mood he father was in so she could prepare herself for the afternoon ahead.

    MY image of Grandpa is kinder. I remember as a child the corny jokes he used to tell us. “What did one tomatoe say to the other Tomato? – Nothing because tomatoes can’t talk.” His laugh will always stay with me especially after telling one of his jokes. I always dreaded sitting next to him during mealtimes because I could always count on him to play the same joke. He would always point out a window and say, “What is that?” Silly me, I would always look and when I discovered there was nothing to see I would go back to eating and my plate would always be missing.

    It goes without saying, Grandpa is a survivor. Anyone to live ninety years has the right to be called that. I think he is the strongest man I know. I am proud of him and feel sad when I allow myself to think about him dying. In his lifetime he has buried two wives and one child. He has survived prostate cancer and skin cancer. He still has his impish sense of humor, he still laughs at his own jokes, and he still snaps at people when his patience wears thin. I think he has earned the right to be opinionated and impatient.

    Happy Birthday Grandpa!

    Editors Note – PawPaw passed away on Dec 7, 1999, 11 days shy of his 93 birthday, nearly 3 years after the author wrote this story.

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  • Lee – is she marrying for sex?

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    I hope to tell you more about my Grandfather in some future stories. This one is pretty short and simple; however it happened at a bad time.

    In the fall of 1999 my Grandfather laid in his deathbed in a hospital in Frederick Maryland.

    I drove up from North Carolina to visit with him knowing that soon he would pass away.

    During my visit with Pawpaw he seemed to know about his fate and was accepting of it. We chatted for some time over the few days before his death and he seemed to have few regrets. He never said anything about being afraid of dying. He repeated some stories that he had told me previously about his life. Again, I hope to share some of them later in my Blog.

    Now, Pawpaw was hard of hearing and I had to lean down really close to his head as we talked so that he could hear with me talking loud in the hospital. Because he knew I was close to him, he did not talk very loud. He asked me how my job was going and he asked me how my wife Becky was. So I answered his questions and gave him updates on everything that was going on in North Carolina.

    I told Pawpaw that my oldest daughter, Jessie, was about to get married. Pawpaw had met Oscar once or twice, but I doubt that he knew that Oscar and Jessie were going to get married, so I told him.

    I said to him, “Hey Pawpaw, Jessie and Oscar are going to get married.” I continued with, “They hope to get married sometime early next year.”

    He leaned over toward me and said, “That’s great Lee. I’m happy for Jessie.” Then he got real quiet. He seemed to be thinking for a moment about what I just told him.

    Then slowly he said, “Hey Lee,” and he paused in mid sentence as he turned his head slowly to the left and then back to the right to see who else was in the room before he continued on, ”I hope she is not getting married for sex.”

    He said this to me as if to confirm that this was not the case.

    I responded back to him with, “No Pawpaw, I’m sure they are in love.”

    “Good, that’s good,” was Pawpaw’s reply. He laid there quiet for a few minutes, and then changed the subject completely.

    Now to this day, I wonder, what would Pawpaw’s comment been if I had said they were getting married for sex?

    I also wonder why this was important for him to ask as he laid on his death bed.

    I’m sure that it had some relevance to his life as he reminisced over his past 92 years.

    At that time, it seemed more important to me to let him reflect on the question that he posed, rather than for me to inquire why he asked.

    I waited until the spring of 2000 to tell this story to anyone. I shared it with a large group of people, at Jessie & Oscar’s wedding reception.

    This story became a wedding gift from Pawpaw to Jessie & Oscar. Not paper, not wood or metal, just a really interesting story about Pawpaw for Jessie & Oscar.

    Another great posting from Teddy Burriss – I hope you enjoyed it.

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