Teddy Burriss

Happy Birthday Lauren – 2008

Here is the email that I sent to Lauren on her 20th Birthday in April 2008:

Hello Lauren;

Let me be the first to wish you a fabulously fantastic and glorious April 3rd.

It would be only appropriate if you have a great birthday to commemorate that unbelievable day of way back then.

Back in 1988 your mother and I were planning to have a quiet evening, sipping some wine and possibly doing some recreational drugs (I’m talking about cough syrup – Bum had a cold)

We were just sitting down to snuggle on the couch and have a relaxing evening of watching The Wonder Years, Rosanne & Who’s Line is it when, Go Figure, Mom blurts out – “My water just BROKE!!!”

Dang it – Oh well – no Rosanne or Night Rider tonight.

We jumped in the Pinto and sped off to the hospital.

Note – the Pinto was real cool – I had a Bob on the window and fuzzy green seat covers – cool Chick Magnet Car!! Never got me any action on the road – usually had one of you kids in the car with me.

Back to the baby thingy – This task took well over 8 hours. Thank goodness the NCAA championship game was not until the next week and UNC was not in the Final 4 that year.

I got very little sleep that night, the hospital TVs were not HD and I never got a cup of Starbucks Coffee that night.

I have to admit that I was quite grumpy because of all of the commotion and disruption of my evening plans and I needed an epidural to calm me down. Bum would not share hers.

I had to stay in the hospital with Bum and listen to her gripe and complain about what I thought could not possibly be as bad as she made out – labor pains and contraction thingies.

You would have thought someone was tearing her apart, as much noise as she was making (women – bunch of whinny people)

I tried to soothe her with a dopy nursery rhyme, a poem about a beautiful babbling brook and a pretty pony prancing around in a meadow (or was that a talking pony babbling about some stinking flowers and singing some song about dope?), but no, this did not help her get over her mysterious and I believe imaginary pains. Wa Wa Wa – what a baby.

Any way – sometime during the day (or was it night), you were born or was it popped out, snorted your first breath of fresh hospital air and farted your first real open air fart. HURRAY!!

Now you may not believe all of this (you should) – but this next piece is 100% true

The Doctor snatched you out of Bum’s womb (ie gut) and held you up proclaiming “MR. Burriss – Here is your SON… I mean daughter.”

Something fell on the ground at that moment, but we forgot to go look for it. I’m sure it was nothing important.

I was EXCITED, bummed out, I mean EXCITED and so was your mother once she sobered up, I mean regained consciousness,

Any way – enough of this mushy stuff.

Happy Birthday Lauren. I am so glad you are my daughter, even if you were not planned – OK the truth is we planned 100% to have 4 kids, we just never thought God would give us you as our last child.

We kind of hoped to have another chance at having a normal child – but we gave up after you, I mean you proved it could happen.

I love you.

Dad

PS – I hope you still Love me as much as ever.
Ps again – thank goodness for Yahoo Reminders