Another friend of mine joined the GrandFathers Club this week. This club has a specific set of rules that must be followed. I have never failed to follow them myself. If you want to be an honored member of the club, you too must follow these rules. The rules of this club are fairly straightforward and quite easy to follow:
- You must change the background picture of your cellPhone to a picture of the kids.
- You must tease them about their mother and all the ridiculous baby stuff she did.
- You must develop them to be just like you so that their mother will have to say, “Stop being like your grandfather”.
- You must teach them all the dumb jokes that your ancestors have said over the past 100 years. (mine is “Rooster, Hen, Pullet”)
- You must be able to fall asleep in any chair in the house with one or both of the boys on your lap or chest (recliners work best).
- You must be ready to watch SpongeBob Square Pants, Dora the Explorer, and any of the new cartoons that kids love to watch today.
- You must want to eat and share candy, popcorn, ice cream, cookies, and cookie dough with the boys, even at 7 am in the morning, despite what their mother says.
- You must be willing to stop at a Mcdonald’s, Wendy’s, or Burger King and get 3 Kids’ Meals at a moment’s notice. Yes – you get a Kid’s Toy too.
- You must be accepting of going to work, church, a board meeting, or a Rotary with a little baby exhaust on your suit coat.
- You must be able to smile like a crazy man any time someone asks you “What’s going on?” Because now you get to say, “I’m a Grandfather!”