Teddy Burriss

Are you Listening to me

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Category: Repeats

  • The job still needs to be done

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    This is a little story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.

    There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.

    Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.

    Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody’s job.

    Everybody thought that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it.

    It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

    Be the somebody who does something.

     

    The author is unknown to me

  • Banging her Boyfriend

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    This is priceless!!!!

    A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.

    Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, ‘Grandma, how come you don’t have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?’

    Grandma replied, ‘Honey, my TV is my boyfriend.

    I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh.  I’m happy with my TV as my boyfriend.’

    Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible.

    She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.

    The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma’s minister.

    The minister said, ‘Hello son, is your Grandma home?’

    The little boy replied, ‘Yeah, she’s in the bedroom bangin’ her boyfriend.’

    The minister fainted.

    Priceless. Has anything like this happened to you?

    I got this story from a friend who got it in an email.  I wish I knew the original source, but I don’t.

  • Heaven or Hell for HR Managers

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    A highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically knocked down by a bus and killed. Her soul arrived at the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter welcomed her:

    “Before you get settled in,” he said, “We have a little problem… you see, we’ve never had a Human Resources Manager make it this far before and we’re not really sure what to do with you.”

    “Oh, I see,” said the woman. “Can’t you just let me in?”

    “Well, I’d like to,” said St Peter, “But I have higher orders. We’re instructed to let you have a day in hell and a day in heaven, and then you are to choose where you’d like to go for all eternity.”

    “Actually, I think I’d prefer heaven”, said the woman.

    “Sorry, we have rules…” at which St. Peter put the HR Manager into the downward bound elevator.

    As the doors opened in hell she stepped out onto a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club; around her were many friends – past fellow executives, all smartly dressed, happy, and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played a perfect round of golf and afterwards went to the country club where she enjoyed a superb steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil, who was actually rather nice, and she had a wonderful night telling jokes and dancing. Before she knew it, it was time to leave; everyone shook her hand and waved goodbye as she stepped into the elevator. The elevator went back up to heaven where St. Peter was waiting for her.

    “Now it’s time to spend a day in heaven,” he said.

    So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing, which was almost as enjoyable as her day in hell. At the day’s end St Peter returned.

    “So,” he said, “You’ve spent a day in hell and you’ve spent a day in heaven. You must choose between the two.”

    The woman thought for a second and replied, “Well, heaven is certainly lovely, but I actually had a better time in hell. I choose hell.”

    Accordingly, St. Peter took her to the elevator again and she went back down to hell.

    When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends dressed in rags, picking up rubbish and putting it in old sacks. The Devil approached and put his arm around her.

    “I don’t understand,” stuttered the HR Manager, “Yesterday I was here, and there was a golf course, and a country club, and we ate lobster, and we danced and had a wonderful happy time. Now all there’s just a dirty wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable.”

    The Devil looked at her and smiled. “Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you’re staff.”

  • But you could have

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    Next time you think your hotel bill is too high you might want to consider this:

    My wife and I are traveling by car from Maryland to Key West Fl. Being Seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, we were too tired to continue, and decided to take a room. But, we only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When we checked out four hours later, the desk clerk handed us a bill for $350.00.

    I exploded and demanded to know why the charge was so high. I told the clerk although it’s a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren’t worth $350.00 for four hours.

    Then the clerk tells me that $350.00 is the ‘standard rate’. I insisted on speaking to the Manager.

    The Manager appears, listens to me, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were available for us to use. “But we didn’t use them,” I said.

    “Well, they are here, and you could have,” explained the Manager.

    He went on to explain that we could also have taken in one of the showsfor which the hotel is famous. “We have the best entertainers from New York , Hollywood, and Las Vegas perform here,” the Manager says.

    “But we didn’t go to any of those shows,” I said.

    “Well, we have them, and you could have,” the Manager replied.

    No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, I replied, “But we didn’t use it!”

    The Manager is unmoved, and eventually I gave up and agreed to pay.

    I wrote a check and gave it to the Manager.

    The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. But sir, this check is only made out for $50.00.”

    “That’s correct. I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with my wife,” I replied.

    “But I didn’t!” exclaims the Manager.

    I said, “Well, too bad, she was here, and you could have.”

    Don’t mess with Me!

    Thanks to CK for sharing this story with me

  • What would you do?

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    A man returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport after midnight, and while en route to his home, asked the driver if he would be a witness, as he suspected his wife was having an affair, and expected to catch her in the act.

    The driver agreed, and they both tiptoed into the bedroom, turned on the lights pulled the blanket back and found the wife in bed with another man.

    The husband put his gun to the man’s head, and the wife shouted, “Don’t do it, this man has been very generous. Who do you think paid for the Corvette I said I bought for you, who do you think paid for our new boat, he did!”

    The husband, looked over at the cab driver, and said, “What would you do in a case like this?”
    The cabbie smiled, and said, “I’d cover him up before he catches cold.”

    What would you do?

  • Women should learn something new daily

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    We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note, these are all numbered “1” ON PURPOSE!

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    1. Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

    1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

    1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

    1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

    1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

    1.Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows 3.1 default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

    1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

    1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

    1. You have enough clothes.

    1. You have too many shoes.

    1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

    1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don’t mind that, it’s like camping.

    Pass this on to as many men as you can – to give them a laugh.
    Pass this to as many women as you can, we are obligated to teach them

  • Did you hear what was said?

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    My sister-in-law told me this: A lady ran off the road last month, hit our wood splitter, jammed it into our deck, tore the steps off and then she proceeded to remove our clothes line and grape arbor. She came to rest in our above ground pool. Thank God she was uninjured.

    This is what I heard: A lady came over last month, split some wood with your wood splitter, hung out on your deck for a while, ran down the steps, ate your grapes and then stripped. She jumped in your pool stark naked and she looked great doing it.

    I can see what I heard. I can’t see what she told me

  • RETARDED GRANDPARENTS

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    Written by a third grader, on what his grandparents do.

    We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Arizona. Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on their bicycles, and wear name tags, because they don’t know who they are anymore.

    They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, they do exercises there, but they don’t do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with hats on. At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night – early birds. Some of the people can’t get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck. My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and, says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too. When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandkids.

    Thank you Mr. Jim Ward for sharing this story with us.

    Teddy

  • It’s You I like

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    It’s You I Like! . . .

    It’s you I like,
    It’s not the things you wear.
    It’s not the way you do your hair,
    But it’s you I like.
    The way you are right now
    The way down deep inside you
    Not the things that hide you
    Not your diplomas…
    They’re just beside you.
    But it’s you I like,
    Every part of you,
    Your skin, your eyes, your feelings,
    Whether old or new.
    I hope that you’ll remember
    Even when you’re feeling blue,
    That it’s you I like,
    It’s you yourself, it’s you
    It’s you I like!

    –Frederick ‘McFeely’ Rogers

    Mr. Fred Rogers (1928-2003) was the host of the internationally acclaimed and highly successful children’s television show ‘Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, in production from 1968 to 2001.

    Thanks to Nigel Alston for sharing this thru his Motivational Moments Newsletter

    Nigel Alston is a motivational speaker, Dale Carnegie trainer and columnist. Encouraging People to Succeed–Inspiring them To Act!

  • Happy Thanksgiving – Humorous

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    Obituary

    Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

    Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

    Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.

    Born and bread in Minnesota, Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half- baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

    Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

    The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

    If this made you smile for even a brief second, please rise to the occasion and take time to pass it on and share that smile with someone else that may be having a crumby day and kneads a lift.

    Thanks to my friend Mike T for sharing this with us.

    Happy Thanksgiving Day to all my Friends

  • Interesting Lawyer story

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    BEST LAWYER/ INSURANCE STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE, AND POSSIBLY THE CENTURY.

    This took place in Charlotte, North Carolina.

    A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, and then insured them against, among other things, fire.

    Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost ‘in a series of small fires.’ The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

    The lawyer sued and WON! (Stay with me)

    Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable ‘fire’ and was obligated to pay the claim.

    Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars that perished in the ‘fires’.

    NOW FOR THE BEST PART…

    After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With the original insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

    This true story won First Place in last year’s Criminal Lawyer Award contest.

  • Back in the Good Ole Days

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    WASN’T THAT US?

    A little house with three bedrooms, one bathroom and one car on the street. A mower that you had to push to make the grass look neat.

    In the kitchen on the wall we only had one phone,

    And no need for recording things, someone was always home.

    We only had a living room where we would congregate,

    Unless it was at mealtime in the kitchen where we ate.

    We had no need for family rooms or extra rooms to dine,

    When meeting as a family those two rooms would work out fine.

    We only had one TV set, and channels maybe three,

    But always there was one of them with something worth the view.

    For snacks we had potato chips that tasted like a chip,

    And if you wanted flavor there was Lipton’s onion dip.

    Store-bought snacks were rare because my mother liked to cook, And nothing can compare to snacks in Betty Crocker’s book.

    Weekends were for family trips or staying home to play,

    We all did things together — even go to church to pray.

    When we did our weekend trips depending on the weather,

    No one stayed at home because we liked to be together.

    Sometimes we would separate to do things on our own,

    But we knew where the others were without our own cell phone.

    Then there were the movies with your favorite movie star,

    And nothing can compare to watching movies in your car.

    Then there were the picnics at the peak of summer season,

    Pack a lunch and find some trees and never need a reason.

    Get a baseball game together with all the friends you know,Have real action playing ball — and no game video.

    Remember when the doctor used to be the family friend,

    And didn’t need insurance or a lawyer to defend?

    The way that he took care of you or what he had to do,

    Because he took an oath and strived to do the best for you.

    Remember going to the store and shopping casually,

    And when you went to pay for it you used your own money?

    Nothing that you had to swipe or punch in some amount,

    Remember when the cashier person had to really count?

    The milkman used to go from door to door,

    And it was just a few cents more than going to the store.

    There was a time when mailed letters came right to your door,Without a lot of junk mail ads sent out by every store.

    The mailman knew each house by name and knew where it was sent; There were not loads of mail addressed to “present occupant.”

    There was a time when just one glance was all that it would take, and you would know the kind of car, the model and the make.

    They didn’t look like turtles trying to squeeze out every mile; They were streamlined, white walls, fins, and really had some style.

    One time the music that you played whenever you would jive,

    Was from a vinyl, big-holed record called a forty-five.

    The record player had a post to keep them all in line,

    And then the records would drop down and play one at a time.

    Oh sure, we had our problems then, just like we do today,

    And always we were striving, trying for a better way.

    Oh, the simple life we lived still seems like so much fun, How can you explain a game, just kick the can and run?

    And why would boys put baseball cards between bicycle spokes,And for a nickel red machines had little bottled Cokes?

    This life seemed so much easier and slower in some ways,

    I love the new technology but I sure miss those days.

    So time moves on and so do we, and nothing stays the same, But I sure love to reminisce and walk down that proverbial Memory Lane.

    Another story shared with you by Teddy Burriss. I hope you enjoyed it.

    Thanks for taking time to read my blog feeds – Let me know what you want to hear about and I will do my best to provide even better content.

  • Which Direction?

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    A good friend of mine from Ohio sent me this. I feel obliged to share with you.

    Here is a Pre-School Test for you

    Which way is the bus below traveling?

    To the left or to the right?

    Can’t make up your mind?

    Look carefully at the picture again.

    Still don’t know?

    Pre-schoolers all over the United States were shown this picture and asked the same question. 90% of the pre-schooler’s gave this answer.

    “The bus is traveling to the left.”

    When asked, “Why do you think the bus is traveling to the left?”

    They answered: “Because you can’t see the door to get on the bus.”

    How do you feel now? Possibly, not so smart.

    Thank you TW for sharing this with us.

    Another interesting post by Teddy Burriss

    Thanks for taking time to read my blog feeds – Let me know what you want to hear about and I will do my best to provide even better content.

  • Automatic Email Responses

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    A friend of mine sent me this list. Not sure who the real author(s) are. Use them as you wish.

    • I am currently out on a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

    • You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
    • Sorry to have missed you, but i am at the doctor’s having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

    • I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

    • Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

    • The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart y our computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-du-viduals did this over and over again.)

    • Hi, I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

    • I’ve run away to join a different circus.

    • I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as Loretta instead of Bob.

    • Thank you for your message. You are currently in 352nd Place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

    Thanks for taking time to read my blog feeds – Let me know what you want to hear about and I will do my best to provide even better content.

  • Life’s Lessons

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    Thanks DRFrigman for this posting that made me laugh.

    Summary of Life

    GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

    1) No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
    2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
    3) If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
    4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
    5) You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
    6) Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
    7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
    8) You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
    9) Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
    10) The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandpa’s lap.

    GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

    1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
    2) Wrinkles don’t hurt.
    3) Families are like fudge…mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
    4) Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
    5) Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.
    6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

    GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD:

    1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
    2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
    3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.
    4) You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
    5) It’s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
    6) Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
    7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

    THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

    1) You believe in Santa Claus.
    2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
    3) You are Santa Claus.
    4) You look like Santa Claus.

    SUCCESSES:

    At age 4 success is …. not piddling in your pants.
    At age 12 success is … having friends.
    At age 17 success is … having a driver’s license.
    At age 35 success is … having money.
    At age 50 success is … having money.
    At age 70 success is … having a drivers license.
    At age 75 success is … having friends.
    At age 80 success is … not piddling in your pants.

    Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way;
    BUT NEVER forget the blessings that come each day.

    Have a wonderful day with many ! *smiles*
    Take the time to live!!!
    Life is too short.
    Dance naked. woo-hoo!

    Another interesting post from Teddy Burriss. I hope you enjoyed it.

    Thanks for taking time to read my blog feeds – Let me know what you want to hear about and I will do my best to provide even better content.

  • F16 vs. C-130

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    Thanks to Jim Ward for sharing this story with us

    There is a Moral to this Story

    A C-130 was lumbering along when a cocky F-16 flashed by.
    The jet jockey decided to show off.

    The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, ‘watch this!’ and promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier. The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that.

    The C-130 pilot said, ‘That was impressive, but watch this!’
    The C-130 droned along for about 5 minutes and then the C-130 pilot came back on and said: ‘What did you think of that?’
    Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, ‘What the heck did you do?’
    The C-130 pilot chuckled. ‘I stood up, stretched my legs, walked
    to the back, took a leak, and then got a cup of coffee and a
    cinnamon roll.’

    When you are young & foolish, speed & flash may seem a good thing; however, when you get older & smarter, comfort & dull is not such a bad thing.
    Us older folks understand.

    Another story shared by Teddy Burriss. I hope you enjoyed it.

    Thanks for taking time to read my blog feeds – Let me know what you want to hear about and I will do my best to provide even better content.

  • My grandparents – Married or Not?

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    This article was printed on the front page of the June 14, 1973 edition of the Frederick Post, Montgomery County Edition:

    By Martha Raver, Staff Writer

    “Well, mother you’re married now,” Mrs. Eva, Burriss’ daughter told her last week.

    After 43 years of life together, five children and 25 grandchildren, Mr. and Mrs. Horace Burriss of Evergreen Point (Frederick MD) were officially declared married only a few days ago.

    Mr. & Mrs. Burriss eloped 43 years ago in November 1930 and were married by a Presbyterian minister in Anderson South Carolina. At least, they thought they were married.

    When Mr. Burriss retired from a life of farming last year, the Social Security Administration told him they could not extend any of his benefits to Mrs. Burriss until he presented a marriage certificate.

    The couple’s copy of their marriage certificate was destroyed in a fire in their attic years ago. Mrs. Burriss had never bothered to get another copy.

    “I had never put it in a Frame. Raising five children, there were other things I needed more than a frame. SO I had it in a book in the attic” Mrs. Burriss said.

    “I hated for it to burn but I wasn’t gonna worry about it because I knew I was married,” she said.

    The Anderson County SC Courthouse wasn’t so sure. The only record on file was Mr. Burriss’ application for a license in 1930.

    Rev Kirk Patrick who married the couple had apparently forgotten to file the actual certification. His wife, who stood as a witness at the wedding ceremony and the Reverend are both deceased.

    “I guess he took his records with him,” Mrs. Burriss said.

    “My husband wasn’t too laughable about it,” she said.

    “People will get the idea we’ve never been married,” Mr. Burriss told his wife nervously.

    “It doesn’t bother me,” she said. “Our friends know we’ve been married.”

    The Burrisses returned to the Frederick County Social Security office to ask them what they should do. There were no records anywhere.

    “Well, why don’t you just go ahead and get married again,” a clerk told Mrs. Burriss.

    The Burrisses began to get excited about the idea. A wedding seemed to be the cheapest way of settling the record. Friends in Montgomery County offered to give them a weeding with champagne and flowers.

    “We were making a joke about it. My daughter said, “Mother, we’ll be your attendants and your grandchildren can be the honorary attendants.”

    Mrs. Burriss marched into the Rockville Courthouse and announced, “I want to get married, but I have been married for 43 years.”

    “We can’t give you a license. You’re already married,” the clerk told her.

    “Well, prove it,” Mrs. Burriss said.

    “We’ve got your word,” he replied.

    Mrs. Burriss tried again in Frederick County and received the same answer. Person once married cannot be issued a license unless they have been divorced. The clerk at the courthouse asked one of the Frederick County judges for an opinion. The judged advised against marriage because of the Burriss’ five children and any legal inheritance rights, he warned.

    “We thought about going to another county and getting a license secretly but our five children would be considered illegitimate,” Mrs. Burriss said.

    “My children told me they didn’t care. We’ve got five children and one of them is 42 years old. But there’s no sense telling a lie,” She said.

    The Burrisses considered applying for a common law marriage certificate but Maryland no longer acknowledges such contracts.

    In desperation, the Burrisses went to David Aldridge, a Frederick lawyer. Aldridge and a South Carolina attorney decided to appeal to the Anderson County Court for a late filing of a marriage certificate.

    “I think the court here could do the same thing. The court always has the power to order some corrections. But we had to do it in South Carolina because that’s where the marriage occurred,” Aldridge said.

    Two friends were found who testified last month that the Burrisses had been married in 1930.

    The South Carolina attorney informed the Burrisses a few days ago that it has been “established as a matter of record in said state that you were married to each other on November 29, 1930.”

    The letter was accompanied by an honest to goodness Marriage Certificate dated November 29, 1930.

    “I’d better Check down in Virginia to see if mines is in the Courthouse,” said Aldridge.

    ####

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  • Benny the Snowman

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    This text came from a Christmas card a good friend of mine sent me from her business. I have thanked her for allowing me to share it with others.

    Picture a 6ft tall plastic Snowman with a carrot nose, coal buttons and eyes, a red scarf and black top hat.
    Benny is his name. A Snowman with a lot of soul.

    This year Benny was thrilled to be rented for the season by the biggest department store in town. He loved being in such public places, hearing the people chatting and the rustle of holiday packages.

    Throughout the pre-holiday festivities, however, something seemed off. The packages were fewer. And while he heard holiday greetings, Benny also heard a new word he found troubling.. “leastigottajob.”

    He thought it was a strange word. Not only was it usually spoken at the end of a conversation, but often it was spoken through a sigh. “Leastigottajob.”

    Maybe it means, “I’m tired,” Benny thought, but it seemed more than that.

    Maybe it means, “I’m disappointed,” he thought. This seemed more likely, because every time Benny heard the word spoken, it reminded him of the feeling he’d had on holidays when he’d been stuck in some back lot without even an outlet to plug his light into. Yep, if that’s what this word meant, he knew the feeling… “leastigottajob.”

    Now, if you’re a holiday decoration, your whole line of work is about getting people’s attention and making them smile. Benny knew what he was supposed to do. But with this “leastigottajob” thing going around, he just didn’t know how he was going to do it.

    That night, when all was dark and quiet, Benny made a wish on a wintry star for all his passersby. He wished that for every “leastigottajob” he heard, someone would be reminded that, this season, what they do is not as important as how they do it. For Benny had learned, the what speaks to all that we are able to do, but the how speaks to who we are.

    Believe in both what you do and how you do it.

    Thank you Benny and The Monaghan Group for sharing this story with us this year.

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  • Eleven tips on getting more efficiency out of women employees – from 1943

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    The following is an excerpt from the July 1943 isue of Transportation Magazine.
    This was written for male supervisors of women in the work force during World War II.

    Eleven tips on Getting More efficiency out of women Employees. There’s no longer any question whether transit companies should hire women for jobs formerly held by men. The draft and manpower shortage has settled that point. The important things now are to select the most efficient women available and how to use them to the best advantage.

    Here are eleven helpful tips on the subject from Western Properties:
    1) Pick young married women. They usually have more of a sense of responsibility than their married sisters, they’re less likely to be flirtatious, they need the work or they would not be doing it, they still have the pep and interest to work hard and to deal with the public efficiently.

    2) When you have to use older women, try to get ones who have worked outside the home at some time in their lives. Older women who have never contacted the public have a hard time adapting themselves and are inclined to be cantankerous and fussy. It’s always well to impress upon older women the importance of friendliness and courtesy.

    3) General experience indicates that “husky” girls – those who are just a little on the heavy side – are more even tempered and efficient than their underweight sisters.

    4) Retain a physician to give each woman you hire a special physical examination – once covering female conditions. This step not only protects the property against the possibilities of lawsuit but reveals whether the employee to be has any female weaknesses which would make her mentally or physically unfit for the job.

    5) Stress at the outset the importance of time the fact that a minute or two lost here and there makes serious inroads on schedules. Unless this point is gotten across, service is likely to be slowed up

    6) Give the female employee a definite day-long schedule of duties so that they’ll keep busy without bothering the management for instructions every few minutes. Numerous properties say that women make excellent workers when they have their jobs cut out for them, but that they lack initiative in finding work themselves.

    7) Whenever possible, let the inside employee change from one job to another at some time during the day. Women are inclined to be less nervous and happier with change.

    8) Give every girl an adequate number of rest periods during the day. You have to make some allowances for feminine psychology. A girl has more confidence and is more efficient if she can keep her hair tidied, apply fresh lipstick and wash her hands several times a day.

    9) Be tactful when issuing instructions or in making criticisms. Women are often sensitive; they can’t shrug off harsh words the way men do. Never ridicule a woman – it breaks her spirit and cuts off her efficiency.

    10) Be reasonably considerate about using strong language around women. Even though a girl’s husband or father may swear vociferously, she’ll grow to dislike a place of business where she hears too much of this.

    11) Get enough size variety in operator’s uniforms so that each girl can have a proper fit. This point can’t be stressed too much in keeping women happy.

    Republished in Savy & Sage in their September/October 2007 magazine

    Another great story retold by Teddy Burriss – I hope you enjoyed it.

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  • How smart are you compared to these folks.

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    A friend of mine sent me this collection of quotes. I think you may enjoy them as well

    Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
    Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,” –Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

    “Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.” –Mariah Carey

    “Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life,” — Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign .

    “I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,” –Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

    “Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,” –Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

    “That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it,” –A congressional candidate in Texas .

    “Half this game is ninety percent mental.” –Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

    “It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.” –Al Gore, Vice President

    “I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix .” — Dan Quayle

    “We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?” –Lee Iacocca

    “The word “genius” isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.” –Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

    “We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.” — Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

    “Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.” –Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina

    “Traditionally, most of Australia ‘s imports come from overseas.” –Keppel Enderbery

    “If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.” –Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

    Another great story from Teddy Burriss – I hope you enjoyed it.

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