Thanks to my buddy Rick for sharing this with me. Now, I’ll share it with you.
The nicest thing about the future is . . .
that it always starts tomorrow.
Money will buy a fine dog . . .
but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
If you don’t have a sense of humor . . .
you probably don’t have any sense at all.
Seat belts are not as confining . . .
A good time to keep your mouth shut is . . .
when you’re in deep water.
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark . .
to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
Business conventions are important . . .
because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
Why is it that at class reunions . . .
you feel younger than everyone else looks?
Scratch a cat (or dog) . . .
and you will have a permanent job.
No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy (or girl) . . .
who wants to buy a car.
There are no new sins . . .
the old ones just get more publicity.
There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 a.m. . .
like, it could be the right number.
No one ever says “It’s only a game” . . .
when their team is winning.
I’ve reached the age where . . .
‘happy hour’ is a nap.
Be careful about reading the fine print . . .
there’s no way you’re going to like it.
The trouble with bucket seats is that . . .
not everybody has the same size bucket.
Do you realize that, in about 40 years . . .
we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? (And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!)
Money can’t buy happiness . . .
but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Cadillac than in a Yugo.
After 60, if you don’t wake up aching in every joint . . .
you’re probably dead.
Life isn’t tied with a bow . . .
but it’s still a gift.
I hope you enjoyed these statements.