Wedding Crashers

In June 2005 Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson starred in a Movie titled “Wedding Crashers”.

It was about 2 guys who showed up at weddings of people they don’t know.

The wedding crashing activities went much farther – but I won’t tell you more so that I don’t spoil the plot for anyone who has not seen the movie and wants to.

In May of 2006 (now) Wedding Crashers is all about the many trials and tribulations that are threatening the happiness and excitement of planning and producing my daughter’s wedding.

Our Wedding Crashers are numerous and non-relenting. They come at us from all directions.

I may be able to write a book about this – How to create a “Crash Proof Wedding”

I have already started listing some of the chapter titles – They include:

Picking the Right Day – Now some of you may think this is not a big deal, except that you need to be careful that the day is not a sacred day for either family – such as the day the favorite great great grand mother died, or the day the family parakeet flew away.

It’s also important to make sure that the weeks leading up to the big event are clear as well so that the rehearsal dinner is not the same night as the Canadian Professional Rodeo or the Monster Truck rally in Quincey Ill – these are important events for some people.

Invitation Lists – Be careful – this can create fights.

It’s important to talk thru who gets invited and who shouldn’t.

You have to set a number and try to stick to it.

1st cousins, 2nd cousins, Aunts Uncles, High School Sweet Hearts (maybe not), college Drinking buddies (please).

How about co-workers, the land-lord and the sweet old couple down the hill who go no-where with out their dogs?

What to you do when the list is greater than the number you said you would stick to. What do you do when the list is 500 people and you only want to have a party for 100? This is going to be tough.

Who gets wacked off the list first?

Work Friends, college drinking buddies, (Please?), neighbors, high school sweet hearts (I didn’t put her name on the list), aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers, your mother, my mother?

Here is another chapter for the book – RSVP’s – Nothing can crash a wedding faster then the RSVP’s when they start coming in fast & furious and the number starts to climb over your magic invite number.

What do you do when a guests RSVPs with a 5 in the “will attend box” where you expected a Check mark.

Especially when the response was from the widowed great-great Aunt who lives by herself in an Assisted Living Center.

Some other chapters will be about:

How to handle an absent minded Photographer & insure that he shows up on time with a camera and film – at the right place

What to do when you schedule a quartet for the reception and 1 week before the event you get a voice mail message saying that 3 of the performers will be out of the country and the 4th person is now a soloist and she wants the same pay we agreed to for a quartet.
How to handle 5 brides maids when their dresses show up and none of them fit – At all – not even close.

How to convince your mother-in-law to be that the wedding cake can’t be made with Rum

How to deal with a bride who decides at the last minute that she wants this somewhat nice looking flower from Africa that she saw on National Geographic special the night before.

How to convince Uncle Smitty twice removed that he should not sit next to Aunt Mary so that he can win her back a third time.

Another chapter will be on dealing with an insect infestation that threatens having a special type of imported lace for the wedding veil and possibly jail time as well.

Being a Professional Project Manager – I shared my wisdom repeatedly with my wife and daughter.

“Megan”, I would say – “ you have to do three things well to keep this wedding from crashing”

Plan, Plan and ask your mother for help quickly when they start to fail.

I also coached Megan with finding the right words when she wanted to convince her mother not to wear a neon orange dress. I told her – “it’s all in the words Megan, it’s all in the words”.

While working on protecting the Wedding from Crashing – I told Megan that it would be important for her to think on her feet and to be able to speak her mind on the fly.

Especially when she went to her Great-Great Aunt Burly’s apartment to tell her that she can not bring “Fluffy” the cat to the wedding.

“When Aunt Burly asks you why – you’ve got 2 minutes to tell her exactly why and then you have to get out of there. Otherwise she will snooker you into giving her a foot message – believe me – I’ve been there before – It’s not a good sight.

As Megan plans for the rehearsal dinner, the wedding ceremony, and the reception she knows that there will be plenty of people who will want to speak. There will be people who stay on the subject and then there would be people who just will not know when to stop.

The Vows
The “Who gives this women to be wed” thingy – I think this is my part – I wonder if I get 2 minutes?
The “if any one knows why these two should not be wed – speak now or forever hold your peace” – hopefully Uncle Smitty won’t here this one.
The Toast at the reception
The dinner prayer
The best man speech
The Maid of Honor speech
& Other seemingly important words of advice and happiness

In hindsight – I wish that I had invited all of the potential speakers to our Improved Communications class.
Fortunately – I will bring the timer and timer lights. My contribution to the happy couple.

As the happy day of my daughter’s weeding grows closer – I regularly ask myself – “How could we do this better? How can we make this wedding more Crash Resistant?” – Sort of internal evaluations.
Now – I have to do this internally because every time I bring up an idea or I evaluate something that my wife and daughter are planning all I get is “HUSH”

See – She did not like my suggestion that we fax & email invitations to keep the cost down (& maybe the attendance)

She did not like my recommendation that we not go to Twin Cities Chop house, but instead use Pig Pikens or Little Richards – to show the true Southern Culture.
She definitely did not like my suggestion that we print the wrong date on the invitations that we send to her family and especially Uncle Smitty & Great Great Aunt Mable (with Fluffy)

I’m sure it had something to do with the way I delivered my evaluations.

Being a part of Northwestern Toastmaster’s is a great experience for me. Learning to communicate my opinions clearly has made me a better person.

Being the father of the bride has also taught me a lot – It reaffirms what I have learned from the education my wife has been providing me for over 29 years now.

I have learned from this experience that the wedding will not Crash – no matter what. It may be different from what you originally thought, it may have some exciting moments and even some challenging ones. In the end – it will happen, it will have lots of fun moments and it will be a treasured memory.

My wife keeps telling me – “It will not Crash” – now HUSH!

This is yet another story from Teddy Burriss – maybe, just maybe you will laugh with me.

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