Halloween Costume Story

Halloween Costume Story

I found this on a Facebook post from a friend.

Funny Halloween Costume Story

A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. The Mrs. got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going.

So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party.

Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband and see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.

His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new babe that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.

Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed. So off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had. He said: “Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.”

She asked him, “did you dance much?”
He replied, “I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you’re not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to….”

Halloween Costume Story – could this happen to you?

Author unknown

Do you have a Halloween Costume Story?

A Bad Sex Story or Good Capitalism

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman’s husband also comes home so she puts her lover in the closet not realizing that her son is hiding in there.

The little boy says ”It’s dark in here”
The man replies ”Yes, it is”
Boy – “I have a baseball.”
Man – “That’s nice.”
Boy – “Want to buy it?”
Man – “No, thanks.”
Boy – “My dad’s outside.”
Man – “OK, how much?”
Boy – “$250”

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together once again.
Boy – “Dark in here.”
Man – “Yes, it is.”
Boy – “I have a baseball glove.”
The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy,
“How much?”
Boy – “$750”
Man – “Fine.”

A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab
your glove, let’s go outside and have a game of catch.”
The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my baseball and my glove.”
The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?”
Boy – “$1,000”

The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like┬áthat… that is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, “Dark in here.”

The priest says, “Don’t start that shit again!”

Here Sex, here boy

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him “Rover” or “Spot”. I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog’s license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, “I would like to have one too!” Then I said, “But she is a dog!” He said he didn’t care what she looked like. I said, “You don’t understand. … I have had Sex since I was nine years old.” He replied, “You must have been quite a strong boy.” When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, “But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex.” He said he didn’t want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from the church from then on.When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, “You don’t understand. … Sex keeps me awake at night.” The clerk said, “Me too!”

One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. “You don’t understand,” I said, “I hoped to have Sex on TV.” He called me a show off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, “Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married.” The Judge said, “Me too!”

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o’clock in the morning. I said, “I’m looking for Sex.” — My case comes up next Thursday.

Well now I’ve been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, “What seems to be the trouble?” I replied, “Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I couldn’t live any longer so lonely.” and the doctor said, “Look mister, you should understand that sex isn’t a man’s best friend so get yourself a dog.”

I stole this story from a friends Facebook wall – Thanks Ed.

Daily Thoughts of Men (humor)

Here is a statistic about men’s thoughts according to a Saturday evening news program called SNL:

Men think about:

  • Sex 19 times a day
  • Sleeping 18 times a day
  • Food 11 times a day

So, accordingly men have 48 detailed thoughts each day.

My wife thinks this is so funny.

A Great Grandfather’s Gift

In the fall of 1999 my Grandfather laid in his deathbed in a hospital in Frederick, Maryland. I drove up from North Carolina to visit with him knowing that soon he would pass away.

During my visit with Pawpaw he seemed to know about his fate and was accepting of it. We chatted for some time over the few days before his death and he seemed to have few regrets. He never said anything about being afraid of dying. He repeated some stories that he had told me previously about his life.

Now, Pawpaw was hard of hearing and I had to lean down really close to his head as we talked so that he could hear without me talking loud in the hospital. Because he knew I was close to him, he did not talk very loud. He asked me how my job was going and he asked me how my wife was. So I answered his questions and gave him updates on everything that was going on in North Carolina.

I told Pawpaw that my oldest daughter, Jessie, was about to get married. Pawpaw had met Oscar once or twice, but I doubt that he knew that Oscar and Jessie were going to get married, so I told him.

I said to him, “Hey Pawpaw, Jessie and Oscar are going to get married.” I continued with, “They hope to get married sometime early next year.”

He leaned over toward me and said, “That’s great Lee. I’m happy for Jessie.”

Then he got real quiet. He seemed to be thinking for a moment about what I just told him.

Slowly and softly he said, “Hey Lee,” and he paused in mid-sentence as he turned his head slowly to the left and then back to the right to see who else was in the room before he continued on, “I hope she is not getting married for sex.”

He said this to me as if to confirm that this was not the case.

I responded back to him with, “No Pawpaw, I’m sure they are in love.”

“Good, that’s good,” was Pawpaw’s reply. He laid there quiet for a few minutes, and then changed the subject completely.

Now to this day, I wonder, what would Pawpaw’s comment been if I had said they were getting married for sex? I also wonder why this was important for him to ask as he laid on his death bed. I’m sure that it had some relevance to his life as he reminisced over his past 92 years. At that time, it seemed more important to me to let him reflect on the question that he posed, rather than for me to inquire why he asked.

I waited until the spring of 2000 to tell this story to anyone. I shared it with a large group of people, at Jessie’s wedding reception. This story became a wedding gift from Pawpaw to Jessie and Oscar.

Not paper, not wood or metal, just a really interesting story about Pawpaw for Jessie and Oscar. Many years later, they still tear up knowing he cared enouwondered about this.