No – I refuse to be First

It’s a beautiful Saturday afternoon.

I sit here on the couch watching North Carolina State University (NCSU) playing in the ACC Tournament against University of North Carolina (UNC).

I love college basketball in March – March Madness for those of you who don’t get into college basketball.

However – I have to go mow the yard for the first time this season.

My wife asked me why I did not do it last weekend.  When I told her because Bob has not mowed yet, she replied with her favorite term of endearment, “Idiot”.

You see, it’s the law of the neighborhood.  I won’t mow until after either Bob or John.

We all know there are two types of men when it comes to the first mow of the season:

They guy who always has to be the first to pull out his lawn mower every year


The guy who refuses to be the first to mow, despite how high the grass gets

I’m the later.  I never want to be the first.

If I did, I know what the neighbors would be saying, “There goes Teddy being the first to mow his grass. Always trying to make his lawn look better than ours.”

At least, that’s what I say about my neighbors every spring.

Last week I left the mower in the garage and sure enough, my neighbor pulled his mower our today. He’s out there mowing while I watch the game.  It’s half time which means in about 30 minutes I can go mow.

It’ll be about 3pm and the sun will be high in the sky making it nice outside.

I can get my Itunes & ear buds out, pop a top on a new ice cold beer and light up a good cigar.

I can proudly mow knowing that my neighbors won’t think I’m trying to out do them.

Wait, I wonder if they’ll think I’m copying them? Crap – maybe I better wait another week. Did you hear that? My wife called me “Idiot” despite me saying anything out loud.

I’ll mow after the game today.



Deadly Lingerie

I updated this story because I found a more appropriate image of Deadly Lingerie.

A husband walks into  Victoria Secret to purchase a sheer negligee  for his  wife.

He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to  $500 in  price — the more sheer, the higher the price.

He opts for the sheerest  item, pays the $500, and takes it home.

He presents it to his wife  and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.

Upstairs, the wife thinks  (she’s no dummy), “I have an idea … it’s so sheer that it might as  well be nothing. I won’t put it on, I’ll do the modelling naked, return it  tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.?

She appears naked on the  balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says,………… “Good  Grief! You’d think for $500, they’d at least iron it!”.

He never heard the shot. Funeral is on Thursday at Noon.

The  coffin will be closed.

Thanks to my buddy Patrick for telling me this story