Halloween Costume Story

Halloween Costume Story

I found this on a Facebook post from a friend.

Funny Halloween Costume Story

A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. The Mrs. got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going.

So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party.

Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband and see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.

His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new babe that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.

Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed. So off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had. He said: “Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.”

She asked him, “did you dance much?”
He replied, “I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you’re not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to….”

Halloween Costume Story – could this happen to you?

Author unknown

Do you have a Halloween Costume Story?

SISTER MARY ANN’S GASOLINE

Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a Texaco Gasoline station was just a block away.
She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car.

She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.

As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street.. One of them turned to the other and said,

‘If it starts, I’m turning Catholic.’!!

I stole this from a good friend (mother-in-law) in Maryland

New Internet Jokes

I stole these jokes from a www.myce.com a website about technology and gadgets.

A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two tired.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
A lot of money is tainted – It taint yours and it taint mine.
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis..
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Dijon vu – the same mustard as before..
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Every calendar’s days are numbered..
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
Local Area Network in Australia – the LAN down under.
Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
Practice safe eating – always use condiments.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
Shotgun wedding – A case of wife or death.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead give away.)
When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

No – I refuse to be First

It’s a beautiful Saturday afternoon.

I sit here on the couch watching North Carolina State University (NCSU) playing in the ACC Tournament against University of North Carolina (UNC).

I love college basketball in March – March Madness for those of you who don’t get into college basketball.

However – I have to go mow the yard for the first time this season.

My wife asked me why I did not do it last weekend.  When I told her because Bob has not mowed yet, she replied with her favorite term of endearment, “Idiot”.

You see, it’s the law of the neighborhood.  I won’t mow until after either Bob or John.

We all know there are two types of men when it comes to the first mow of the season:

They guy who always has to be the first to pull out his lawn mower every year

or

The guy who refuses to be the first to mow, despite how high the grass gets

I’m the later.  I never want to be the first.

If I did, I know what the neighbors would be saying, “There goes Teddy being the first to mow his grass. Always trying to make his lawn look better than ours.”

At least, that’s what I say about my neighbors every spring.

Last week I left the mower in the garage and sure enough, my neighbor pulled his mower our today. He’s out there mowing while I watch the game.  It’s half time which means in about 30 minutes I can go mow.

It’ll be about 3pm and the sun will be high in the sky making it nice outside.

I can get my Itunes & ear buds out, pop a top on a new ice cold beer and light up a good cigar.

I can proudly mow knowing that my neighbors won’t think I’m trying to out do them.

Wait, I wonder if they’ll think I’m copying them? Crap – maybe I better wait another week. Did you hear that? My wife called me “Idiot” despite me saying anything out loud.

I’ll mow after the game today.

 

 

Daily Thoughts of Men (humor)

Here is a statistic about men’s thoughts according to a Saturday evening news program called SNL:

Men think about:

  • Sex 19 times a day
  • Sleeping 18 times a day
  • Food 11 times a day

So, accordingly men have 48 detailed thoughts each day.

My wife thinks this is so funny.

What would you do?

A man returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport after midnight, and while en route to his home, asked the driver if he would be a witness, as he suspected his wife was having an affair, and expected to catch her in the act.

The driver agreed, and they both tiptoed into the bedroom, turned on the lights pulled the blanket back and found the wife in bed with another man.

The husband put his gun to the man’s head, and the wife shouted, “Don’t do it, this man has been very generous. Who do you think paid for the Corvette I said I bought for you, who do you think paid for our new boat, he did!”

The husband, looked over at the cab driver, and said, “What would you do in a case like this?”
The cabbie smiled, and said, “I’d cover him up before he catches cold.”

What would you do?

I lost my Car

In 1976 I acquired a 1966 Chevy II from my older brother. I am not quite clear how I ended up with this car, but for the sake of staying out of trouble with Nelson, I am sure that I paid him lots of money for it. Probably far more than what it was worth.

This was a pretty cool car, (cool is relevant to this was 1976). I think Nelson got the car from a racing friend named Buddy Bodmer.

When Nelson got done fixing the car up it was a pretty cool car.  Baby blue two door with Cregar Chrome wheels on it. Fat wheels on the back and thin, bicycle wheels on the front. Under the hood was a Chevy 350 V-8, which barely fit in there. Nelson put a 4 speed transmission in the car and it had a big Holley Carburetor on top of the engine. (Actually at one point I think it had a Six Pack on top of the engine – again – Cool).

This was a race car relevant to all the other cars we had back then.

Now, back then I did a lot of pretty dumb stuff. Some of which I will tell thru these blog, some I will never repeat.  One night I was heading home from a night out on the town. Likely from Frederick MD or possibly the Rockville MD area, since I was driving thru Comus MD to the house we lived on outside of Barnesville.

When I got into Comus I stopped at a little gas station and convenience store to get a coke, bottled coke from a machine.  It was late and the store was closed, but back then the coke machines were out front and easily accessible.

I pulled my car up the little hill into the parking lot of the store and parked my car next to the gas pump.  Not the use of singular “Pump”  No two sided gas pumps and there certainly were not rows of gas pumps back then. The pump was the old style that actually had a crank on the side of the cabinet to reset the counter for amount of fuel and the cost. Also, there was no credit card slot, let alone credit cards back then.

I jumped out of the car swung around and swaggered (Cool again) up to the coke machine. Back then the cost of a 12 Oz Bottle of Coke was likely $0.50 and the machine only took change. I slid my two quarters in the machine, press Coke and waited for the bottle to fall. When it did, I grabbed it, and popped the top off on the opener that was mounted on the front of the machine. With my back still to my car, I took a few drinks of Coke and then turned to walk back to my car.

My car was gone.

I stood there for a moment wondering what the heck was going on. Then I heard it.

My car had dual Hush Thrush mufflers on it and I could tell the sound of my car over anyone else’s, especially at this hour of night since no other cars were around, let alone running. I could hear the car, but after scanning the area, I could not see it.

I listened more closely and then figured it out. My car had rolled down the hill, across the road and into a ditch. I ran down to the side of the road and saw my car. It was still on its wheels, but it was stuck in a bunch of bushes and small trees. No way was it coming out of that ditch by itself. Crap!

I had to make that phone call that I had made so many times before.

Remember, this was sometime in 1976 and we did not have cell phones back then. Fortunately, I had some quarters left and there was a payphone at the store as well.

I had to call the house. There was only one phone in the house. It was in the kitchen. No matter what time of day or night, any time the phone rang one of my brothers or sisters would eagerly run to answer it.

I can’t recall exactly who answered the phone, but I do recall the insane laughter when I told them what had happened.

This story ends with two activities. Charlie Glass, who owned a tow truck business in Poolesville MD came out to Comus and pulled my car out of the ditch, for a reasonable amount of money (again 1976).  For weeks I got laughed at by everyone for this shenanigan.

The only reason anyone stopped laughing at me for this, is that eventually I did something else equally ridiculous or possibly more bizarre.