My first Prostitute engagement

This is hotel story 2 of 6. This one is PG-13.

Earlier I wrote the story “Is this a brothel.” This one although not as bizarre, it’s funny to me.

I parked my rental car at the Microtel in Allentown PA, grabbed my suitcase and computer bag and slammed the door shut. I clicked the lock button on the key fob as I walked towards the entrance of the hotel.

Sitting on the curb was a lady, dressed in a short dress, boots and looking just a little bit different than a typical hotel guest. I wondered if she was a hotel employee waiting for her ride home, but her attire was not what I expected for a hotel laborer. She did not look like she had done any work, yet. Her hair was all “done up” and she did not look like most people look after a hard day at work.

I did what I usually do when I walk past someone and said, “Hello.”

She responded appropriately, “Hi. A great night isn’t it?” I continued walking as I replied, “Yes it is. Have a great evening.”  This ended our initial engagement.

I checked into the hotel just as my memory kicked in. A few years ago I stayed in this hotel and experienced the prostitute activity, read “Is this a brothel?” I wondered, was this going to be a similar night?

I forgot about it all as I headed to my room. My mind was on one thing only – I was hungry. I dropped my bags in the room and headed back out the door.

I walked out of the hotel entrance, thinking about what to eat. My plan was to drive down the street to the Outback. Heading towards my car, there she was again, my prostitute. This time she was standing next to the curb as if waiting for me.

“Hello again. Where are you going?” she asked.

“I am going to get dinner. I’m starved.”

Her next statement caught me just a little bit off guard, “Do you want some company? I don’t want you to pay for my dinner, but I would love to keep you company as you eat. Maybe we can do a movie later too.”

I admit it took me just a second or two to develop my reply, “That is very nice of you. However, I want to be alone at dinner. It’s been a rough day and after dinner, I am going to bed alone.”

She threw me another curveball, “Are you sure, I can help you unwind if you want. I’m really good at helping men unwind.”

Again, it took a second or two for me to find the correct answer, “I appreciate the offer, but I absolutely do not need the company. Have a great evening.”  I opened my car door, slid into the car and waved goodbye as I hit the lock button.

She barely waved back at me as she looked away towards another hotel guest who had just driven up.

I wondered if I would see or hear her again later that night. I did not.

Is this a brothel?

This is story 1 of 6. This story is PG-17.

I traveled to Allentown Pennsylvania often. The Microtel (4325 Hamilton Blvd, Allentown, PA, US, 18103) was close to the office I worked in, so I often stayed there. The rates were reasonable, rooms a little small, but they served the purpose – crash for the night and get a decent nights sleep before going back to work.

I remember two experiences staying here, that I want to share with you. Here is story number 1

I checked into the hotel as I usually do, around 8pm. Because I had already been to dinner, I was heading into the hotel for the evening.

After wrapping up some computer work (dial-up internet back then – yuk), I read the local newspaper and watched some news. By 10pm I was done for the day.

I turned out the lights and fairly quickly fell asleep.

I don’t recall the actual time,  likely after midnight, I woke to noise outside. I got up and looked out the window.

My window overlooked the front entrance of the building. Lined up in a row were 3 cars. Numerous women were getting out of the cars. All of them were dressed in what I could only imagine as a prostitute looking attire.

They were hanging all over the cars saying goodbye to the drivers who, one after another, drove away into the darkness of the night. One after another, nearly a dozen women paraded into the hotel lobby.

I was wide awake now as I wondered, had I made a reservation into a brothel? I had stayed in this hotel numerous times and had not seen this before. Nothing seemed unusual about the hotel staff or the random guest that I saw each time I had stayed here before.

I decided to ignore what I saw and go back to bed. As I started to fall asleep, another set of noises woke me.

In the room next to me I could hear what seemed to be a man and woman having a good time. I was blown away that the walls were this thin and or that this couple was this loud. As I wondered if I would ever be able to get back to sleep, I started to get just a little ticked off. My anger did not soar until I heard the next sounds. From the same room, two men started yelling at each other, arguing. I could not hear all that they were saying, but I clearly heard this phrase repeatedly, “My turn, It’s my turn!!!”

OK, it all came together now. The girls of the evening were not ending their shift, they were just getting started.

While the arguing and noise continued next door, I called the front desk. This is what I told the clerk, “I don’t care what is going on in the room next to me, but you need to move them before I call 911 and tell the cops that I think someone is getting killed. Got it?”

In less than a minute I heard the door open into the room next to me. All the noise stopped immediately. I heard a guy yell, “F*** him, who does he think he is?” I heard someone else tell him to calm down. Beyond a few more rustling noises, I heard nothing else.

Within a few more minutes I heard nothing more.  Finally, all the noise was gone and I laid back down in hopes of going to sleep.

The alarm went off at 6AM. I showered, shaved and got dressed. I collected my belongings and left the room.

While checking out I asked the morning shift front desk clerk, “Who are your typical guests?”

“Regular businessmen like you sir,” was his reply.

“Did anything unusual happen last night?” I asked.

The clerk’s reply was, “No sir, the night guy just left and told me nothing new last night.”

I decided to leave without questioning anymore. I imagined that the night shift does not tell the day shift everything.

OK I lied no donut

One day in June of 2001 I had to make a business trip to Spicer Minnesota.

I flew into Minneapolis-St Paul the evening before and make the 2 hour drive thru the farm land of Minnesota.

I got into the hotel at around 10:30pm. There were only a few cars in the parking lot. There was no one in the lobby with the exception of Steve, the night Manager at the front desk.

“Hello, you must be Mr. Burriss,” Steve said. I love being acknowledged when I come arrive into a town I have never been to before. I assumed he knew my name because I was the only person who had not checked in yet.

We chatted for a few minutes while I checked in.

Steve asked me if I traveled much, which I did back then.

“Yeah, I spend most every week on the road Steve. Most of the time I go to the same hotel in Newark New Jersey,” I answered.

“I bet you really get to know the people at that hotel”, Steve responded.

OK – here is where I really stretched the truth a lot.

“Bill, the night manager at my regular hotel, likes me so much that every morning he brings up my favorite donut, a hot mug of bold coffee with 2 creams and a newspaper. I love his hotel and now, Bill and I are really good friends,” I told Steve, lying thru my teeth.

“That sounds like a good hotel and a great night manager,” Steve responded.

“Do you need a wake up call Mr. Burriss?” Steve asked.

“Yes Steve, how about 6:15 in the morning,” I replied.

“You got it Mr. Burriss.  I’ll make sure you get a wake up call then,” Steve responded.

I began walking towards the elevators as we said good night to each other.

The hotel room was nice, clean and away from the elevator, making it a quiet room. The bed was comfortable. The combination of these qualities made for a really good night’s sleep.

I slept like a log until 6:15 in the morning.

Someone was knocking gently on my door and calling my name.

“Mr Burriss, it’s Steve. I’m here with your wake up call”

I crawled out of the bed. I opened the door without putting any pants over my boxers.

There was Steve holding a serving tray with a carafe of coffee, a coffee mug and a plate of glazed donuts.

Under his arm was a neatly folded newspaper.

“Good morning Mr. Burriss. I thought you might appreciate a regular wake up call so I brought you donuts and coffee,” Steve said.

Wow, I felt both glad and embarrassed at the same time. This guy was trying to provide customer service like the guys in the big towns.

“Steve, thank you very much, I really appreciate this,” I said as I took the tray and newspaper he was handing to me.

“I work hard at providing the best customer service I can Mr. Burriss. Thanks for the idea of coffee and donuts for a wake up call. I hope to do this more often for our better guests,” Steve told me.

I felt a little bad about lying to Steve and that he considered me one of his better guests.

But, I am happy that I gave Steve an idea that he ran with and that he thinks will make him a better Customer Service guy.


I hope you enjoyed your stay

In the late 1990’s I slept around a lot. Nearly 75% of my nights were spent in a bed other than my own.

My job had me traveling nearly every week to somewhere in the USA and I learned real quick how to navigate Airports, rental car pickup and drop off, restaurants and hotels.

There are lots of stories related to these travels. This story is about one night in Boston Massachusetts.

I was in Boston with a my boss. We were visiting one of our branch offices outside of town. We arrived in town early enough to get a late dinner at a little diner where we also planned our next day’s activities. My boss wanted to get an early start to the next day so we decided to go back to the hotel early.

We checked in at the front counter, picked up our individual room keys and said good night to each other.

It was nearly 9:30pm when I walked into my hotel room. Nothing fancy. A typical room.

Since it was getting late and I had gotten up early that day, I decided to forego any work or boob tube and just go to sleep.

I was in bed within 10 minutes and asleep fairly quickly.

Then it happens. At 11:00PM the Fire Alarm starts going off.  It was a loud and piercing sound. “Wha Wha Wha Wha Wha” Non-Stop.

I jumped out of bed and grabbed a pair of pants and shirt.

As I dressed someone beat on the door yelling, “Fire, Fire, Get out of the Hotel Now. Take the Stairs!”

I grabbed my wallet and hotel keys and ran out of my room with no shoes on. As I entered the hallway I saw what looked like 100’s of people in different state of dress also running barefoot towards the elevators and stairs.

In masse we all ran down the stairs and out the front door of the hotel.

That’s when I realized it was now raining.

The firetrucks showed up within minutes. I scanned the building and could not see any smoke, let alone flames.

Firemen in full uniform, helmet, facemask, gloves, boots, fire coat and pants, some with oxygen tanks on, all disappeared into the front door of the hotel.

We stood around for what seemed like hours waiting for a report from someone. Finally the firemen came out. As they walked past they informed us, “False Alarm, You can go back in now.”

Like a long line of little ants, in the front door, past the unattended front desk, up the stairs and elevators, down the respective halls and back to our individual rooms we all went.

Pulling my pants and shirt off, I fell back into my bed, thankful it was a false alarm and a little miffed at the interruption of my sleep.

I calmed down fairly quickly and fell back asleep.

Then, it happened again.  At 1am the sounds started up again – “Wha Wha Wha Wha Wha” “Bang Bang, Bang, Bang” on the room Door, “You have to leave the hotel NOW! Leave the Hotel Immediately!”

Maybe they missed the fire last time. I knew I did not want to challenge authority when it came to a possible fire, so I did as instructed.

I pulled on my pants and a shirt, this time I slipped on my untied shoes, grabbed my hotel hey and walked out of my room.

The people in the hall, again in various state of dress all seemed to be walking a little slower this time. Everyone went to the stairs except one guy who said he was too tired, so he took the elevator.

Again, down the stairs, past the unoccupied front desk, out the front door and onto the parking lot.

Fortunately the rain had slowed to an early morning mist.

Again the firetrucks showed up within moments. The firemen, this time with no oxygen tanks, strut into the hotel and within moments they emerged with the same alert, “”False Alarm, You can go back in now.”

Again the group streamed back into the hotel like good order followers and back to our rooms. I did hear another guest ask, “What is happening?” as we walked past the night security guard. “I’m not sure sir. They can’t find what is making the smoke.”

No assurance of safety there.

Back in my hotel room again, I stripped my shirt and pants and fell back in my bed yet again.

Now, I could drag this out with a long winded story, but let me squeeze it down for you.

The alarm went off again at 3AM and then 4AM. Each time the same actions occurred.

My boss and I saw each other at the 4AM false alarm exodus. We agreed to postpone our days activities by 1 hour and to check out at 6AM.

At 5:30AM I got up and took my shower. There was no doubt that I was tired as I struggled to get thru my morning preparations.

I dragged my butt and suitcase out of the hotel room, down the elevator and towards the front desk, this time occupied and busy with people checking out.

My boss showed up behind me in the check out line just as it started up again.

“Wha Wha Wha Wha Wha” It was even louder in the lobby.

The hotel guests formed two different streams. One stream of people out the front door towards the parking lot. The other stream formed behind us to check out of hotel Hell.

The lady working to check us out did not miss a beat. She continued to check guests out despite the loud piercing alarm going off. I heard her tell one guest that construction dust in another part of the hotel was the reason for the false fire alarms.

Fortunately for me, none of the guests checking out in front of me wanted to make a big deal of the chaos. They just wanted to get out of there.

Before our turn, my boss and I decided for the sake of time, I would pay for both of our rooms. As the guest before me walked away, I stepped up to the front desk, handed the hotel clerk both room receipts and my credit card. She had her actions down to an art.

As she swiped my credit card with one hand and typed on the keyboard with the other, the firemen strutted into the hotel lobby and down the hall.

With a smooth flow of motions she handed me the credit card receipt to sign with one hand and held out my credit card with the other.

She looked up at me and with the kindest face and loudest voice she could must up she yelled, “I hope you enjoyed your stay.”

I can still feel the death grip on my shoulder as my boss grabbed me. He knew that I was going to open up on her and he did not want me this to happen. He had had enough of hotel hell and the “Wha Wha Wha Wha Wha” sound effects.

I love the security systems we have in life. I get frustrated and really tired when they create false alarms.