Urgent Notice – There is a lot of money for you awaiting your reply

I get an email like this weekly – this one is by far the most interesting. Who ever this SCAMMER is, he/she spent a lot more time than most with this effort.
Images, Acronyms, even a fairly well (ridiculous but well) crafted Legal Notice
(FYI – I copied and pasted as is – no editing at all)
from:  F.B.I WASHINGTON D.C fbidirectoroffice@fbi.gov
reply-to:  fbidirectoroffice@superposta.com
date:  Fri, Nov 16, 2012 at 5:54 AM
Ref: FBI/DC/25/113/13/2012
   Urgent attention needed
  We have been informed through our global intelligence monitoring network that the sum of $10.500, 000.00, has been released from a bank in Africa bearing your name as the beneficiary without dist certificate to clear your name and fund from every terrorist or drug or money laundering activities
The bank knowing fully well that they do not have enough facilities to make this payment from any part of the world to your account directly, used what we know as a secret diplomatic transit payment (s.t.d.p) method to make the payment. direct transfers are difficult and secret diplomatic transit payment (s.t.d.p) are not  usually made unless the funds are  related to terrorist activities and we ask why must your payment be made in  a secret transfer if your transaction  is legitimate.
We do not want you to get into trouble as soon as these funds reflect in your personal account, so it is our duty as an international agency to correct these little problems before this fund reflects into your personal account.
we advice you to contact us immediately, as your funds have been stopped and are being held in our custody, until you are able to provide us with the dist certificate within 3 days from the country that authorized the transfer to certify that the funds that you are about to receive are terrorist/drug free or we shall have cause to impound the payment and subsequently prosecute you for cross border terrorist financial activites.
based on our findings, our investigative department wish to warn you against some miscreants, hoodlums and touts who go about scamming innocent people by claiming to be who they are not and thereby tarnishing the image of this wonderful country. By sending out fraudulent emails without our official logo and emblem we shall release your funds immediately we receive this legal document and we will ensure that you receive your payment without any further delay.
We decided to contact you directly by email to acquire the proper verifications and proof from you to show that you are the rightful person to receive this fund, because of the huge amount involved. Be informed that the funds are now with a top bank in the united state in your name and under the monitoring/custody of the FBI. At the moment, we have asked the bank not to release the fund to anybody that comes to them, unless we instruct them to do so, and only if we receive the dist certificate this is to enable us carry out a comprehensive investigation first before releasing the fund to you.
hence, you are to forward your  dist certificate to us immediately if you have it in your possession, if you do not have it, then  let us know so that we will direct you  to the  appropriate  authority to  obtain the certificate then you are to send  it to our office. And thereafter, we will instruct the bank holding the funds, to go ahead and credit your account immediately. If you fail to provide the documents to this office, we will prosecute you and take appropriate action against you for not proving the legality of the funds.
Finally if you truly want to receive this funds without F.B.I troubles then reconfirm the following below
Contact number………………………………………..
Country of origin of funds……………………………..
Yours Faithfully
cc: general intelligence department (GID)
cc federal bureau of investigation (fFBIi)
cc .internet crime complaint center (ic3)
cc: Asia pacific group on money laundering (APG)
cc: international monetary fund (IMF)
cc: international organization of securities commissions (IOSCO)
cc: international banking security association (IBSA)
cc: world customs organization (WCO)
cc: inter-American development bank (IADB)
cc: national white collar crime center (NW3C)
cc: bureau of justice assistance (BJA)
cc: supreme court of South Africa(SCA)
Unless expressly stated otherwise, this message is confidential and may be privileged. It is intended for the addressee(s) only. Access to this e-mail by anyone else is unauthorized. If you are not an addressee, any disclosure or copying of the contents or any action taken (or not taken) in reliance on it is unauthorized and may be unlawful. If you are not an addressee, please inform the sender immediately.
Salvo que se indique lo contrario, este mensaje es confidencial y puede ser privilegiada. Se pretende a su destinatario (s)solamente. El acceso a este e-mail por cualquier otra persona no estб autorizado. Si usted no es un destinatario, cualquier divulgaciуn o copia de lacontenidos ni de cualquier acciуn realizada (o no) en la dependencia en que no estб autorizado y puede ser ilegal. Si no son unadestinatario, por favor notifique al remitente de inmediato

Social Media Privacy – NOT

I have no concern for or expectation of Social Media privacy.


Because Social Media sites are intended to be Social and IMHO intended to share publicly consumable content.

Being social includes engaging and sharing with others.

When you engage with others hopefully you would never stand naked in public, spouting foul words and doing nasty, disgusting things. Similarly, when you engage with others in Social Media, you should never post anything that you would not say in public.

Also, you would never stand on a street corner and hand out a list of your business and  private, confidential information. Therefore, don’t post any confidential or private information on any social media site.

Therefore, take the concept and expectation of privacy, security or confidentiality out of every conversation regarding Social Media.

We need to consider Social Media as public content sites and that we are all contributors. Our role is to provide relevant, interesting and useful information for others to consume.

Additionally, yes, I know that there are many security and privacy features built into Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, WordPress, etc. These features provide some level of general security that can prohibit users from hacking our accounts and in some cases seeing our content. However beyond getting my account hacked, I do not want or need to trust the other security features.

I want my content to be accessible by anyone who desires to come looking for it.

Because I treat these systems as public sites and because I want to publicly contribute and collaborate with others. There is no need for anyone to ask for my Facebook password. All of my content is publicly accessible. Every post, picture, comment, tweet, discussion, connection, friend and fan are public content. Pure & simple to me.

Just to be clear, I expect my bank, financial institutions, credit cards, email messages, voice mail messages, private conversations and even thoughts to be private and confidential. If these systems get compromised in any way I will not be happy.

In conclusion I suggest you accept that there is no privacy using Social Media, just as there is no privacy standing on a street corner.

It’s more enjoyable, rewarding, engaging and beneficial if you set yourself free to share openly with no expectations of privacy.

New Internet Jokes

I stole these jokes from a www.myce.com a website about technology and gadgets.

A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two tired.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
A lot of money is tainted – It taint yours and it taint mine.
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis..
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Dijon vu – the same mustard as before..
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Every calendar’s days are numbered..
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
Local Area Network in Australia – the LAN down under.
Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
Practice safe eating – always use condiments.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
Shotgun wedding – A case of wife or death.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead give away.)
When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

I love cafe chatter

Except when they cause me to lose track of what I am doing. Then I have to write a story about it.

These are just a few of the real conversations I heard behind me this morning. I heard all of this because the guy had the back of his chair banging into the back of mine. And, I did not make any of this up:

“Protect yourself from the crazy people on the internet. Use VPNs. My favorite is the sever in China. It’s real safe.”

“The only thing I like about the apple computers are the lighted keyboards. Beyond that, I am totally confused.”

“I don’t like Itunes at all. I don’t want big brother to know what music I stole.”

“Wow, my computer is acting real weird, I better shut it down. Someone is probably hacking into it right now.”

“What do you think about Linux over Windows 7 or, what is the OS on your Mac? You don’t know, that’s strange.”

“I don’t like Norton Antivirus. If you let the subscription expire it actually turns into a virus too,”

“Do backup into the cloud? I prefer to backup to portable USB drives. Here is mine right here – I take it with me everywhere.”

“My laptop keeps blue screening. That’s OK, I’m used to it. It does not bother me much.”

“My wife has a MAc, my daughters have Ipads, IPhones, Ipods and all those other apple things. I like my old dell best.”

What is the strangest cafe conversation you over heard recently?

The angst of Daylight Savings Time

Twice a year most of us have to change our clocks.

Does everyone know this little poem

“Spring forward, Fall backwards”?

In 2007 we began Springing Forward on the Second Sunday in March and Falling back on the First Sunday of November.

We are supposed to do this at 2 a.m., yet I am sure very few people stay up that late to change their clocks.

Most of us are happy to move the clocks back in the Fall because we get one of two benefits:

  1. We get an extra hour of sleep that night
  2. We get to stay up an extra hour and then turn the clocks back

It’s a different issue in the Spring. Most of us are not happy to move the clocks forward because:

  1. We have to go to bed an hour earlier
  2. We lose an hour of sleep

The other pain with the clock change, is the actual clock changes.

I am sure I’m not unusual in this regard. I have to change the time on my:

  1. Kitchen Clock
  2. Stove Clock
  3. Automatic Coffee Pot (Yeah, screw this up and the morning sucks)
  4. Living room clock
  5. the clock in my Car
  6. the clock in my wife’s car
  7. the timer on my irrigation system
  8. the timer on our yard lights

Fortunately our computers, Ipads and Iphones do this on their own – thank goodness for small things

So, in case you forgot – change the time on your coffee pot, else the morning will SUCK

Oh No – Please protect my account

This is the latest in phishing.

It looks like a real email from Hotmail.

It speaks to fear which is, well, scary.

The email says they will help me if I give them my account information

It’s signed by an official of Hotmail, supposedly.

She is polite and scares me with a statement that if I fail to comply, my account will be closed. I don’t want this to happen.

However I have been around the block a few times and figured this one out pretty quickly. I am sure that 95% of the others who get this email are also pretty smart.  I’m not so sure of the other 5%.

We all know that DGTFX is not a virus.


from:  Windows Live™ Live Team kathieahern@hotmail.com
to:  Windows Live™ Live Team <kathieahern@hotmail.com>
date:  Tue, Feb 21, 2012 at 11:21 AM
subject:  ***Closure Of Account*** Case ID ANG000027086771
mailed-by:  hotmail.com

Windows Live Member Letter

Virus Notification

A DGTFX Virus has been detected on your account. Your email account has to be upgraded to our new Secured DGTFX anti-virus 2012 version to prevent damages to our web mail log and to your important files.You will receive a mail from Windows Live indicating on how to protect your account from receiving virus. Click your reply tab, Fill the columns below and send back to us or your email account will be terminated to avoid spread of the virus.

Full Name: …………………………
User name: ……………………
Password: …………………………
Reconfirm Password: …………………
Date Of Birth…………………….

Note that your password will be encrypted with 1024-bit RSA keys for your password safety.

All ACCOUNT User Should Reply Now !!!

Failure to do this will immediately render your Web-email address deactivated from our database under 24hrs.

Thank you for your co-operation.

Warning Code :ID67565434
Windows Live Support.
Copyright ©2012

I would reply with FOOL – except that would confirm my email address for the FOOLS.

Anyone get any other STUPID phishing emails that slipped past spam filters lately?

Always cool to my first touches

At first, it is always cool to my touch. I know this each time I walk up to it.

Regardless of where I touch it, it will always be cool to my first touches. I used to wonder if it is cool to another’s touch. I believe that it could be, but I know that no one else touches it as I do. This is forbidden.

It’s frame is cold to touch, yet a little caressing can warm it in the areas that it lets me lay my hands on. It’s sides are the coldest at first. I slide my hands up and down it’s sides and with each stroke it begins to warm.

The back feels as if it is frozen, and each morning I know to expect extreme coldness. I spread my hand wide and gently rub it’s back with soft, smooth strokes in a circular motion. I know this is appreciated because in just a few motions I can feel the warmth surfacing on it’s back. I am pleased to know my touch has this affect.

I lay my finger tips on it’s body and the coolness is abrupt. Yet with each touch of my finger tips it warms slowly. I have learned that the faster I move my fingers over it’s body and more areas I touch, the warmer it gets in the least amount of time. As my rapidly moving finger tips caress, it begins to respond quickly and eloquently. This makes me happy.

When I lay the back of my fingers gently across it’s face, I can recoil from the chilliness. Fortunately, like the rest of it’s body, the more I touch it’s face with soft gentle strokes, the chilliness diminishes and the warmth envelopes it’s face. The glow is welcoming.

In time the entire body is warm and the relationship is good.

By this time, no longer am I focused on it’s temperature. I am only interested in completing my task at hand. Finish a blog post, the Facebook post, LinkedIn update or review of my calendar.

Once the chilliness diminishes completely, I am usually done and ready to put the MacBook Pro down and go back to my hot bold Venti Bean. I will return to the laptop soon knowing that if I left it running, it will still be warm and inviting for the next task to be completed.

Author’s note. – I did not refer to the Macbook Pro as she, only because there is a story to be shared later about my first motorcycle that I referred to as she and the harassment I received from my family was severe.

Ignore Function in Facebook

The following question has been raised with regards to Facebook

Is there an Away Message function in Facebook?

No, there is no Away Message function in FaceBook.

There is however an often overlooked Ignore Feature.

This feature is both hard to find and very difficult to use.

When used properly, this feature can be very rewarding. Many users, who have properly used it have found it increases office productivity, improves relationships, expands knowledge from books and even creates a sense of calmness and reduced drama.

5% of Facebook users have successfully used the Ignore Feature of Facebook by simply turning their focus to something else. These users have found great rewards because of this feature.

Another 5% of Facebook users have found that in order to use this feature, all they need to do is to turn their back on the computer display or smartphone. Some of these users have had to leave the room where the equipment is located, but they have successfully used the Ignore Feature and benefitted in numerous ways.

Another 15% of Facebook users have determined that they must leave the facility and the electronic equipment within in order for the Ignore Feature to work properly. Some of these users have had to leave the town in which the facility is located for the Ignore Feature to work, but they have successfully used the feature. Unfortunately they have found that the Ignore Feature only works for a few minutes and therefore gotten little to no value from the feature.

The last 75% of Facebook users have attempted the previous usage options and found that both options completely failed for them. Even if this feature were to work, these users do not believe it would offer any value to them at all.

Even if they were to test the Ignore Feature of Facebook these users would have to shut down the Internet by disabling the wired & wireless networks, cell phone towers and/or telephone dial-tone into the states where they reside in order to properly use the Ignore Feature of Facebook. Since we all know the Internet can’t be shut down, these users have decided that the Ignore Feature of Facebook will never work or provide any value to anyone.

Because the Ignore Featureof Facebook is being used by less than 25% of the Facebook users, Facebook has decided to disable the feature and remove all mention of it from the user guides effectively immediately.

Automatic Email Responses

A friend of mine sent me this list. Not sure who the real author(s) are. Use them as you wish.

• I am currently out on a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

• You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
• Sorry to have missed you, but i am at the doctor’s having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

• I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

• Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

• The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart y our computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-du-viduals did this over and over again.)

• Hi, I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

• I’ve run away to join a different circus.

• I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as Loretta instead of Bob.

• Thank you for your message. You are currently in 352nd Place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.